WE <3 PSYDRAG (Ch. 4)

[Wearedoomed]

====================
WE <3 PSYDRAG
~Chapter Four~

Fox And The Hound
====================

"The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're okay, then it's you."
- Rita Mae Brown

*The all-too-familiar handcam opens up to show Psycho Dragon and Ultimo Doom, the collective known as “Masks For Hire”, standing in front of the dark-red door of the house they haunt. As indicated by the timer on the cam, it is 1:34 in the afternoon. PsyDrag turns to Ultimo*

~PSYCHO DRAGON~

*whispers* You sure the camera’s on? I don’t want to, like, cut an awesome promo only to see that the camera ain’t on!

~ULTIMO DOOM~

*whispers* Yeah, man. If that light on the camera’s on, that means it’s rolling!

*PsyDrag sharply turns around and opens up his arms*

~PSYCHO DRAGON~

Good afternoon, kiddies!! We are Masks For Hire--

~ULTIMO DOOM~

-- *points to the cam* And we’ll do just about anything!

~PSYCHO DRAGON~

And, kiddies, we’ve been moving on up higher than those cheapskate Jeffersons ever could! I mean, we’ve really been raking in the dough as of late, thanks to, like, such generous donations for donators supportive to our cause! Dante Pekurny and his boatloads of money and natural resources and semi-biological weaponry; The Sedition with their $100,000; and you *points to the cam* the little people and your delightful fan-mail! Seeing as it’s still in it’s infancy, we at Masks For Hire need all the help we can get!

~ULTIMO DOOM~

So keep those donations coming in, or else we’ll play duck-hunt with you with that atomic katana-firing machine gun thing Mr. Pekurny gave us as an early Christmas present!

*PsyDrag casually pats Ultimo on the head as if he were a dog*

~PSYCHO DRAGON~

Well said, pal! But, as you already know folks, when say that we’ll do just about anything, that means we’ll really do just about anything, no matter what. With that said, today’s video of our exploits is brought to you by the word “Sacrifice”. If you don’t know the definition of that word, sacrifice means “a giving up of something valuable or important for somebody or something else considered to be of more value or importance.”; For those of you who still don’t, like, get the gist of whatever and visual aid, you’ll get that and more when my good buddy Ultimo here sacrifices his undefeated streak and a guaranteed shot at the Extreme Combat Championship when your friendly neighborhood PsyDrag defeats him one-on-one to further feed my undefeated streak and get a much-deserved shot for the SWA Championship!

~ULTIMO DOOM~

*chuckles* Yeah, man, you said it----*pauses and faces PsyDrag* Wait, what?

*cuts to static*

*The cam now cuts to show that it’s on a dashboard of some vehicle, facing PsyDrag and Ultimo as they’re apparently arguing over something. The timer reads 1:46 in the afternoon. PsyDrag is wisely paying attention to the road this time, not facing the protesting Ultimo as he squawks at him like a bird*

~ULTIMO DOOM~

--- So, what do you mean that YOU’RE the one who’s gonna win our match?! Newsflash, PsyDrag, I’m two and zero AND I’ve victories over the Champions just as you!

~PSYCHO DRAGON~

It’s just as I said, man, I’M the one who’s winning whether you like it or not! I’ve a bit more on the line than you, and I have no plans on throwing my streak and future Title shot away just cause of who my opponent is!

~ULTIMO DOOM~

So, you haven’t once bothered thinking of the possibility that you just might, oh I don’t know, LOSE?!

~PSYCHO DRAGON~

*smiles* Nope nor do I have to! Seeing as one, I’m the leader of the team, and two, I’m the far-superior wrestler, there’s no reason for me to worry!

~ULTIMO DOOM~

Whoa, whoa, wwhhooaa!! Stop the presses for a minute! How exactly does being a the key decision-maker automatically make you the better wrestler?! That’s a bigger pile of crap than The Punisher being brought back from the dead as Franken Castle!!

~PSYCHO DRAGON~

*gasps* That “Franken Castle” arc was AWESOME and you freaking know it!!

~ULTIMO DOOM~

IS NOT!!

~PSYCHO DRAGON~

IS TOO!!

~ULTIMO DOOM~

IS NOT!!

~PSYCHO DRAGON~

IS TOO!!

~ULTIMO DOOM~

IS NOT!!

~PSYCHO DRAGON~

IS TOO!!

~ULTIMO DOOM~

IS NOT!!

~PSYCHO DRAGON~

IS TOO!!

~ULTIMO DOOM~

IS NOT!!

~PSYCHO DRAGON~

IS TOO!!

~ULTIMO DOOM~

IS NOT!!

~PSYCHO DRAGON~

IS TOO!!

~ULTIMO DOOM~

IS NOT, YOU DELUSIONAL TWIT!!

~PSYCHO DRAGON~

IS TOO, YOU POOR MAN’S IGOR!!

~ULTIMO DOOM~

MEANIEHEAD!!

~PSYCHO DRAGON~

BUTT-MUNCHER!!

~ULTIMO DOOM~

Look me in the eye and say that to my face!

~PSYCHO DRAGON~

No can do!

~ULTIMO DOOM~

Why’s that? You too chicken!? And what’s with the glasses and fake mustache? I thought you already paid off that mob!

*As it turns out, PsyDrag was indeed wearing glasses and a fake mustache over his mask*

~PSYCHO DRAGON~

No, you idiot! I’m looking at the road and not you is because the last time I took my eyes off the road I, like, ran over the Million Dollar Mutt and turned him into a sidewalk pancake! And that leads to the reason I’m wearing this disguise! Some idiot judge deemed me a “menace on the road” and took away my license it took me FOUR YEARS to get! If some pig were to pull us over, they’ll put me in jail and force me to room with some fat Mexican guy named Sugarplum!! Trust me, I met him before, and I had to borrow his soap! Thankfully, my pops bailed me out before I had to…Uh…return Sugarplum’s “favor”……*faces and points at Ultimo*….And I’m gonna let nobody or nobody put me back behind ba---

*Just then, the van is stopped by something that makes Masks For Hire violently bounce up and down their seats. PsyDrag’s face bounces off the steering wheel, making the van emit a loud honk whilst PsyDrag clutches his face in pain. Ultimo is seen pinned by an airbag and is struggling to get it to deflate*

~ULTIMO DOOM~

*wildly swinging arms around* UGH--UMM---OOUUFF!!

~PSYCHO DRAGON~

OOWW!!! LOOK WHAT YOU’VE DONE, ULTIMO!!

*Though trapped by the airbag, muffled screaming be now be heard*

~ULTIMO DOOM~

*incensed* WHUT IVE DUNG?! YUU WUERE THA WUNE DRUWVING NUUT ME!!

~PSYCHO DRAGON~

Yeah, yeah, whatever you say……Son of a….

*PsyDrag angrily undoes his seat-belt and opens his door as he gets out to see what he had hit and see what damage it had done……All the while, Ultimo was still struggling with the airbag. Half a minute passes by, and PsyDrag can be seen rushing back into the van with what appears to be a blood-stained wallet. He hurriedly pulls out money and cards before tossing the wallet out the window*

~PSYCHO DRAGON~

Oh, crapola…..Not good, not good, not good….

~ULTIMO DOOM~

WHUUT DUD YUU DUU NUUW?!

~PSYCHO DRAGON~

I…ugh….I hit a speed-bump!

*PsyDrag quickly restarts the van and backs up a bit before pressing the gas and going forward, a decision that results in going on over a couple moderate bumps*

~ULTIMO DOOM~

WHUUT WUS THUUT?!

~PSYCHO DRAGON~

…..Yeah…..Big speed-bump….

*cuts to static*

*The cam cuts to show PsyDrag and Ultimo (who has since managed to deflate the airbag) pulling up to a nice-looking house. PsyDrag grabs the cam and both men are rushing out the van and jogging to the door. PsyDrag knocks on it and several moments pass until an attractive-looking woman with blonde hair answers it*

~PSYCHO DRAGON~

Masks For Hire, at your service!

*The blond blinks innocently at them*

~THE BLOND~

Who?

*Confused, PsyDrag and Ultimo look at each other, then back at the woman*

~ULTIMO DOOM~

Excuse me, miss, but isn’t this…..*pulls out a piece of paper*.. 12987 Lincoln Drive?

~THE BLOND~

Yeah, but I don’t understand what’s going on? Am I being punked or something?

~ULTIMO DOOM~

No, you’re not. It’s just that someone named….*looks at paper*… “Katherine” called us and hired us to serve as entertainment for a birthday party.

~THE BLOND~

You have the right address, but there’s been some sort of mistake. We never called anyone!

~ULTIMO DOOM~

*scratches head* Well, ah, I--

PsyDrag then grabs Ultimo by the back of his shirt and yanks him aside*

~PSYCHO DRAGON~

Outta the way, second banana! You’ve, like, done enough damage for one day!

*As Ultimo is beginning to fume at this point, PsyDrag then steps directly in front of The Blond and clears his throat as he prepares to speak*

~PSYCHO DRAGON~

Looky here, lady. Someone from this address called us, hired us, and now we’re here. Give us the money and round up your guests, so we can---

*Just then, Ultimo swiftly kicks PsyDrag in the rear. He yelps as he stumbles forward and winds up face-first in the woman’s cleavage*

~PSYCHO DRAGON~

….Oh, hubba, hubba, hubba……

~THE BLONDE~

EEEEEWWWWWW!!!! FREAK!!!!

*The obviously distracted PsyDrag is then floored by a sick haymaker from The Blond, who then continues screaming as she runs inside and locks the door. Rubbing his jaw, PsyDrag looks up at his partner in crime*

~PSYCHO DRAGON~

….Was it something I said?

*cuts to static*

*The cam now cuts to show the two men sitting on a couch in the shed with beers in their hands. The timer reads 7:09 in the evening. PsyDrag casually takes a swig of his beverage and looks over at Ultimo*

~PSYCHO DRAGON~

Yo.

*Ultimo turns his head at him*

~ULTIMO DOOM~

Hm?

~PSYCHO DRAGON~

Look, man…….I’m sorry if I sad anything that upset you. It's just that you're my opponent; I was contractually and morally obligated to diss you from time to time! You’re my pal, I shouldn’t have acted that way….There’s no second-bananas in Masks For Hire.

~ULTIMO DOOM~

You really mean that?

~PSYCHO DRAGON~

Yep…..And, to be honest, I don’t care which one of us wins that main event….

~ULTIMO DOOM~

*smiles* Truly, PsyDrag?

~PSYCHO DRAGON~

*smiles back*….Just as long as it’s not you.

~ULTIMO DOOM~

YOU INSENSITIVE AS---

*cuts to static*

~FIN~