Post by CHIP PEKURNY! on Sept 4, 2010 20:35:20 GMT -6
**Full time financial adviser and part time wrestler CHIP PEKURNY is sitting only inches from his TV screen. His eyes dart from left to right over and over again. His personal physician and speculated mistress, Dr. Mary Warmbrod sits on the sofa behind him with his younger adopted brother Toby Pekurny.**
DR. WARMBROD: Can we leave yet?
CHIP: I said wait for it.
DR. WARMBROD: We're going to be late.
CHIP: Some things are worth waiting for. Just hold on. It's coming. I know it. I'd bet my life on it. Please, please, please, please, please, please....
**With hands folded CHIP is now praying as he continues to watch the scroll on the bottom of the screen. What does it say?**
CHIP: Yyyyyyyyyyes!!!!!! It is on the move! It feels good to be the king! Take that Toby, you no good trout sniffer!
TOBY: Energy stocks will bankrupt you. Mark my words. Petrox will be down 15% more by the end of next week.
CHIP: You watch your mouth.
DR. WARMBROD: Children. Are we done now? We have to get to your weigh in, Chip.
**Chip shuts off the TV and begins to walk out with Dr. Warmbrod. They head outside of the condo and Dr. Warmbrod opens the car door. She hops into the drivers seat but Chip doesn't move.**
DR. WARMBROD: What's the problem?
CHIP: I'm not riding in this.
DR. WARMBROD: Why not?
CHIP: It's a Dodge Neon.
DR. WARMBROD: So what? It was all the dealership had on short notice. Next time book in advance.
CHIP: I can't ride in this. I'm a Pekurny. What will people say?
DR. WARMBROD: Would you rather take the bus? We have 15 minutes to get there.
**Chip bites his bottom lip and reluctantly climbs into the passenger seat as if he's climbing into a tub of filth. Dr. Warmbrod speeds away.**
CHIP: If my Dad sees me riding in a peasant car he'll strike my name out of his will.
DR. WARMBROD: Don't exaggerate, Chip.
CHIP: Need I remind you that I lost my position in my father's company because I cried on TV? Or how I lost my first born privileges because I sucked at Badminton. How about when he made me change my legal name to Chip Outtamywill for a month when I wore socks with sandals.
DR. WARMBROD: Okay you've mad eyour point. Although you did look ridiculous with those socks on. What were you thinking?
CHIP: Just drive and tell me who I'm up against? It better not be that dog killing father stealer Psycho Dragon again.
DR. WARMBROD: James "Bad Company" Payne.
CHIP: Payne? What an appropriate last name, because when I'm through with him, he'll be experiencing a lot of it. Huh? You hear that? Pretty nasty trash talk wouldn't you agree? I should use that line.
DR. WARMBROD: Please don't. It sounds unnatural.
CHIP: I'll make it my opening line.
DR. WARMBROD: I'd like to tell you more about him, but he's a bit of a mystery. I tried to find some medical records, but no luck. The guy has never stayed in one place long enough to leave a paper trail.
CHIP: He's on the run from something. People like him are easy prey. They run around from city to city, never able to find true happiness or fulfillment. Not like me. I have all the happiness and fulfillment I need.
DR. WARMBROD: Oh Chip, how sweet of you.
CHIP: A great financial portfolio and $500,000 line of credit from Bank of America. I'm a softy, what can I say.
**Dr. Mary Warmbrod is rolling her eyes. She stops the car in front of the arena, where press have already gathered for the preliminary fight weigh ins. Bulbs flash outside of the car awaiting Chip Pekurny. He pauses with his hand on the door.**
CHIP: I'll show my father yet that I have the balls to run his company. If I have to prove it by kicking in men's teeth, I'll do it. How tough can this James Payne guy be? Travel the country like some nomad. This isn't Kung Fu, Highway to Heaven, Knight Rider, Incredible Hulk, The A-Team..... hey, did you ever notice how all the old classic shows were about a nomad travelling the country?
DR. WARMBROD: Never occurred to me until now.
CHIP: Besides the point. All he has to do is plant his feet firmly enough on the ground in Birmingham for just long enough for me to deliver a Market Crash and knock him out cold. Then it's a simple 1,2,3, and I'm on the train to winners-ville. How was that one? Winners-ville sounds pretty cool.
DR. WARMBROD: Don't force it.
CHIP: You thought it sounded forced? I was up until 2:00 Am thinking that one up. Cause when someone takes a train they go to a town, and I'm implying as the winner I will be on a train to Winners-ville.
DR. WARMBROD: Yes. You have to go now.
CHIP: Ville as in city or town.
DR. WARMBROD: I get it. Go.
CHIP: It's the french word for town.
**Dr. Warmbrod steps out of the car and walks around to the drivers side and to let Chip out. The photographers snap away as Chip is lead towards the arena. He stops at the front entrance and turns around tro face the press. **
CHIP: I just have two things to say. One, this is a rental car, and not my first choice. I would never lower myself to driving a Dodge Neon. Just wanted to clear that up before you guys went and published this in the Enquirer. And two, I fully intend to make James Payne's first match his last in this sport. He can go right back to....... wherever it is he came from, when I'm done with him. All I have to say is, how appropriate his name is Payne, because that's exactly what he'll be experiencing when I get in the ring with him. All aboard the CHIP PEKURNY Express. Next stop, Winners-ville.
**Chip yelled these last few lines for dramatic impact. The impact was slightly softened by the deafening silence from the crowd, save for the chirping of crickets off in the distance. Chip continues to smile as he backs into the building embarrassed.**
DR. WARMBROD: Can we leave yet?
CHIP: I said wait for it.
DR. WARMBROD: We're going to be late.
CHIP: Some things are worth waiting for. Just hold on. It's coming. I know it. I'd bet my life on it. Please, please, please, please, please, please....
**With hands folded CHIP is now praying as he continues to watch the scroll on the bottom of the screen. What does it say?**
l
l
l
l
l
l
l
l
l
l
l
l
l
l
l
l
l
l
\/
l
l
l
l
l
l
l
l
l
l
l
l
l
l
l
l
l
\/
CHIP: Yyyyyyyyyyes!!!!!! It is on the move! It feels good to be the king! Take that Toby, you no good trout sniffer!
TOBY: Energy stocks will bankrupt you. Mark my words. Petrox will be down 15% more by the end of next week.
CHIP: You watch your mouth.
DR. WARMBROD: Children. Are we done now? We have to get to your weigh in, Chip.
**Chip shuts off the TV and begins to walk out with Dr. Warmbrod. They head outside of the condo and Dr. Warmbrod opens the car door. She hops into the drivers seat but Chip doesn't move.**
DR. WARMBROD: What's the problem?
CHIP: I'm not riding in this.
DR. WARMBROD: Why not?
CHIP: It's a Dodge Neon.
DR. WARMBROD: So what? It was all the dealership had on short notice. Next time book in advance.
CHIP: I can't ride in this. I'm a Pekurny. What will people say?
DR. WARMBROD: Would you rather take the bus? We have 15 minutes to get there.
**Chip bites his bottom lip and reluctantly climbs into the passenger seat as if he's climbing into a tub of filth. Dr. Warmbrod speeds away.**
CHIP: If my Dad sees me riding in a peasant car he'll strike my name out of his will.
DR. WARMBROD: Don't exaggerate, Chip.
CHIP: Need I remind you that I lost my position in my father's company because I cried on TV? Or how I lost my first born privileges because I sucked at Badminton. How about when he made me change my legal name to Chip Outtamywill for a month when I wore socks with sandals.
DR. WARMBROD: Okay you've mad eyour point. Although you did look ridiculous with those socks on. What were you thinking?
CHIP: Just drive and tell me who I'm up against? It better not be that dog killing father stealer Psycho Dragon again.
DR. WARMBROD: James "Bad Company" Payne.
CHIP: Payne? What an appropriate last name, because when I'm through with him, he'll be experiencing a lot of it. Huh? You hear that? Pretty nasty trash talk wouldn't you agree? I should use that line.
DR. WARMBROD: Please don't. It sounds unnatural.
CHIP: I'll make it my opening line.
DR. WARMBROD: I'd like to tell you more about him, but he's a bit of a mystery. I tried to find some medical records, but no luck. The guy has never stayed in one place long enough to leave a paper trail.
CHIP: He's on the run from something. People like him are easy prey. They run around from city to city, never able to find true happiness or fulfillment. Not like me. I have all the happiness and fulfillment I need.
DR. WARMBROD: Oh Chip, how sweet of you.
CHIP: A great financial portfolio and $500,000 line of credit from Bank of America. I'm a softy, what can I say.
**Dr. Mary Warmbrod is rolling her eyes. She stops the car in front of the arena, where press have already gathered for the preliminary fight weigh ins. Bulbs flash outside of the car awaiting Chip Pekurny. He pauses with his hand on the door.**
CHIP: I'll show my father yet that I have the balls to run his company. If I have to prove it by kicking in men's teeth, I'll do it. How tough can this James Payne guy be? Travel the country like some nomad. This isn't Kung Fu, Highway to Heaven, Knight Rider, Incredible Hulk, The A-Team..... hey, did you ever notice how all the old classic shows were about a nomad travelling the country?
DR. WARMBROD: Never occurred to me until now.
CHIP: Besides the point. All he has to do is plant his feet firmly enough on the ground in Birmingham for just long enough for me to deliver a Market Crash and knock him out cold. Then it's a simple 1,2,3, and I'm on the train to winners-ville. How was that one? Winners-ville sounds pretty cool.
DR. WARMBROD: Don't force it.
CHIP: You thought it sounded forced? I was up until 2:00 Am thinking that one up. Cause when someone takes a train they go to a town, and I'm implying as the winner I will be on a train to Winners-ville.
DR. WARMBROD: Yes. You have to go now.
CHIP: Ville as in city or town.
DR. WARMBROD: I get it. Go.
CHIP: It's the french word for town.
**Dr. Warmbrod steps out of the car and walks around to the drivers side and to let Chip out. The photographers snap away as Chip is lead towards the arena. He stops at the front entrance and turns around tro face the press. **
CHIP: I just have two things to say. One, this is a rental car, and not my first choice. I would never lower myself to driving a Dodge Neon. Just wanted to clear that up before you guys went and published this in the Enquirer. And two, I fully intend to make James Payne's first match his last in this sport. He can go right back to....... wherever it is he came from, when I'm done with him. All I have to say is, how appropriate his name is Payne, because that's exactly what he'll be experiencing when I get in the ring with him. All aboard the CHIP PEKURNY Express. Next stop, Winners-ville.
**Chip yelled these last few lines for dramatic impact. The impact was slightly softened by the deafening silence from the crowd, save for the chirping of crickets off in the distance. Chip continues to smile as he backs into the building embarrassed.**