Post by Teen Throb on Sept 4, 2010 10:14:48 GMT -6
Apocalypse Now
{-- Moments ago the greatest boy band singer in the history of the human race and possibly the history of the Martian and Venusian races as well just became the new Extreme Combat champ in SWA. We are speaking of course of Teen Throb who just battled his arch rival Captain Insanity on a sinking cruise ship. They survived the sinking and a violent altercation with some passengers on a life boat. Teen Throb is celebrating his win as the PPV show cuts away to the main event involving Ian De Tornado and Larsen Van Der Kamp. Teen Throb is filled with joy as his Watch Out band members Jerry, Jack and Jaswinder join him. --}
TT- I am the best. I am the best. Captain Insanity is not but I am the best. Nanananana. Nanananana. Who wants to shake hands with the champion of extreme combat?
{-- One of the sea men (sea as in ocean you perv readers) passes a life preserver to Teen Throb. He passes some more out to the other guys in Watch Out. --}
TT- What's this for?
Sea Man- Your paddle back to Miami.
TT- Nuh uh. I'm the champ. I command you to set sail back to Miami for me.
Sea Man- Sorry but this is what Sedition budget gets you. A couple of life preservers and a rubber dingy.
{-- The Seaman points to a rubber dingy in the water next to the boat. --}
TT- You have a boat right here. Why can't you just take us back?
Sea Man- We're not a transport boat. This is a fishing vessel. Rev slipped us $50 to pick up the winner but didn't say anything about shipping you back to shore. We have work to do. It's not a big deal. I can see Miami from here. It's no more than a hour long paddle.
Jerry- Excuse me I didn't get a life preserver.
TT- I'm not taking a rubber dingy back to Miami on the night of my victory. I the champ. What will the boys in the locker room say?
Sea Man- Probably something along the lines of I was rooting for the other guy.
Jerry- Seriously I don't know how to swim. Where's my life preserver?
TT- This is outrageous. I want to speak to the Captain imediatley.
{-- The Seaman and a few of his crew mates shove Teen Throb, Jack, Jaswinder and Jerry into the water. They all cough up water as they swim to the rubber dingy. Jerry is barely treading water and trying to scream as he gurgles out water. --}
Jerry- Help me *blurb, blurb, blurb*
{-- Teen Throb grabs Jerry and pulls him into the rubber dingy. --}
TT- For pete's sake man why didn't you put on a life preserver? You know you can't swim.
{-- The fishing vessel is off into the Atlantic. Teen Throb straps his new title around his waste and passes paddles out to the other guys. --}
TT- Best start paddling boys. Miami is at least an hour away.
Voyage of the Watch Out Rubber Dingy: 1 Hour In
{-- An hour into their journey Jaswinder, Jerry and Jack are paddling hard. Teen Throb is surfing the SWA website on his blackberry. --}
Jaswinder- Why isn't he paddling?
Jerry- Maybe there isn't a fourth paddle.
Jack- No there is . Look he's using it to block the sun out of his eyes.
{-- Teen Throb adjusts his paddle to block the sun. He throws it down and looks rather excited suddenly --}
TT- Guess what? Ian De Tornado won the 3rd fall. He's still the SWA champion. That's incredible. I didn't think he could pull it off. Hold on get a load of this. The card for next week on Fever. Tag team TLC match with Ian De Tornado and myself taking on Ultimo Doom and Psycho Dragon. That's what I call a a main event. This won't be the first time Tornado and myself have teamed up. I guess now though you can call us the super team of SWA. He's the SWA world champion and I'm the Extreme Combat champion. Both champions on one team. I really hope Tornado's ego isn't still bruised that I beat him a few weeks ago. I mean after all I did beat him. Beat him fair and square. Beat him 123 in the middle of the ring. Beat him the SWA world champion. Victoriously beat him. Savagely beat him. Beat him with authority.
Jaswinder- We get the point you beat him. Try being a gracious winner for once.
TT- I'm a very gracious winner. As the man who beat Ian Tornado I will graciously accept him being the secondary member of our tag team. I just need to try and keep my focus and not try and beat him again. Never want to beat you own partner. I don't want to fall into the trap of beating Tornado too much. Seeing as even Van Der Kamp can't beat him but I can. They should just give me the SWA world title too since I have beaten him.
Jack- Why don't you beat these waves and grab a paddle. We're having a hard time here.
TT- Yeah seriously guys what's up? We haven't moved any closer to Miami. In fact.... it looks almost a little further away. Better pick up the pace.
Voyage of the Watch Out Rubber Dingy: 2 Hours In
{-- Jaswinder, Jack and Jerry are sweating and shaking as they continue to paddle. Teen Throb is still talking to himself. --}
TT- Who does this Ultimo Doom guy think he is? He hides behind a mask. His bio says nothing significant except for that he's an aspiring super villain who's read one too many comic books. He'll never amount to anything in the field of super villainery. You wanna know why? Too much competition. I mean Doc Ock has mechanical arms that can rip a man to shreds. Brainiac is both a super computer artifical intelligence beast or a creepy green skinned alien that shrinks cities into bottles, depending on which history you read. Solomon Grundy is a big old zombie monster. That's something to give men nightmares. Kingpin and Lex Luther are the scariest kind of super villains. Capitalist corporate businessmen. Ultimo Doom doesn't have any scary powers like that. He wears a mask and beats up Brandon Harvey. Not like he can eat planets like Galactus. I mean THAT is what I call a power. Eating a planet like it's nothing more than a microwaveable burrito. Even Jack doesn't have an appetite like that.
Jack- Speaking of... Does anyone have a microwaveable burrito? I'm so hungry I'll eat just about anything. If anyone sees a school of minnows just reach in and see what you can grab.
Jerry- I can't feel my arms anymore.
Jaswinder- None of us can. Teen Throb pick up a paddle. We're drifting further out.
TT- I mean if Tornado and I were booked against a guy named Ultimo Doom who wore a cheap felt mask and ate freakin planets for sport then I'd be shaking in my boots.
Voyage of the Watch Out Rubber Dingy: 3 Hours In
{-- Jaswinder and Jerry are trying their hardest to paddle but they can hardly grip the paddle itself. Poor Jack is slipping in and out of consciousness as he lies on his face. Teen throb continues to rant. --}
TT- Now if I had one suggestion for Ultimo Doom it would be add a weapon to his otherwise bland and unintimidating costume. Like razor sharp spikes coming out of his arms and helmet like The Shredder. He really needs to take more inspiration from the best of the super villains. Even his current costume is unoriginal. Hey you know who just occurred to me?
Jaswinder- I don't care.
TT- Ultimo Doom reminds me of someone. You know who?
Jerry- Psycho Dragon.
TT- You noticed the similarity too? I wonder if they're related at all.
Jerry- They're tag team partners. You're facing them next week remember? If we live to next week that is.
TT- Wait I remember Psycho Dragon. He's the guy who cheated to beat me by throwing a hive full of bees at me.
Jaswinder- It wasn't cheating. That was within the rules.
TT- In what world is beating a guy with a hive full of bees within the rules.
Jaswinder- Maybe in the world where the match was call Beat your opponent with a hive full of Bees match.
TT- I still call cheating on that. There's a plague in SWA and it's called masks for Hire. They're all hiding something. Maybe they're someone else posing as Psycho Dragon and Ultimo Doom. I still stand by my theory that Psycho Drag-queen could be JJ in diguise. Who else hates me that much. I mean JJ tried to ruin our last gig. We've been worried he was dead and instead he's been on the run mocking my career. But then again JJ was never creative enough to make a costume like that. He flunked sewing in junior high. And I fought this Psycho Dragon. Even on his best day JJ couldn't hit like that. I checked the rules. There are tables ladders, chairs allowed, but nowhere did it say hives with bees. Psycho Dragon has no advantage this time. I'm off topic already. Why do they wear those masks? Maybe Psycho Dragon was horribly disfigured by accident. Like Two Face. He had no powers other than being Schizo-phrenic. Now it all makes sense. Psycho Dragon is schizo-phrenic and Ultimo Doom is nothing other than his alter ego. Ever notice they've never been in the same room together? This tag team match will ruin this little charade once and for all. Psycho Dragon, the game is up.
Jerry- They've been on screen together in every promo. Now pick up a paddle and start rowing. I can barely see the Miami shore anymore.
{-- Teen Throb finally stops ranting and looks out across the water as the sun is almost set. He can only see a faint line of the coast. --}
TT- What have you guys been doing? I give you one task and that's to row us back to Miami and you take us further out into the ocean? This is my celebrating night. I can't believe I'm going to miss my own celebration party. I declare myself the Captain of this vessel. Time to get this under control. Jaswinder, grab a paddle and start rowing at twice your usual rate. Jerry you do the same. I as Captain will poke Jack with my paddle and check for any signs of life.
Voyage of the Watch Out Rubber Dingy: 14 Hours In
{-- It's now past Noon on the next day. Teen Throb awakes from 9 hour nap to find Jaswinder and Jerry only able to use their hands over board to paddle in the water and Jack using a pocket knife attached to a paddle to attempt spear fishing. --}
TT- Geez guys I take a tiny 9 hour nap and this is what I find? I can't even see land anywhere. We're going to die at sea before I even have a chance to celebrate my victory.
Jack- Must catch fish. Must catch fish. Must catch fish.
TT- I can't believe I trusted you guys with those paddles.
{-- Jaswinder springs to his feet and grabs Teen Throb. He hangs him over the edge of the rubber dingy. --}
Jaswinder- You did this to us! We wanted no part of this wrestling business. We only wanted to make beautiful music for pre-pubescent girls to swoon over. We've been paddling for hours while you've ranted about beating Tornado, ranted about Ultimo Doom being inferior to every super villain, which by the way you failed to mention the greatest super villain of all time Doctor Doom, and then ranted some more about how Psycho Dragon cheated by swatting you in the face with a hive full of bees in a match called Beat your opponent with a hive full of bees match. We can't take it anymore. I call mutiny. Throw him overboard.
TT- No don't.
Jaswinder- With that belt you should sink straight to the bottom.
{-- As Jaswinder fights with Teen Throb, spear figher Jack spots something off in the distance. It's a ship. --}
Jack- We're saved! We're saved! It's a ship!
{-- Jaswinder and Teen Throb stop fighting and start flagging down the ship in the distance. It blows it's horn and changes its course. Soon it's sailing toward the rubber dingy. Watch Out are jumping for joy, laughing, singing, and in the case of Jerry crying as the ship comes up along side them. They throw a ladder net over the edge. Jaswinder, Jack and Jerry climb up first., Teen Throb is the last one up. He's shaking hands with the ship's crew but has no idea why the other boys in Watch Out aren't smiling. --}
TT- This is the greatest moment of my last 14 hours. You saved us. I can't thank you enough. What's wrong with you guys. Thank them for saving our lives before we were lost at sea.
{-- Jerry points at the crew in front of them. Teen Throb takes a closer look. --}
Sea Man- We meet again.
{-- It's the same fighing vessel crew that threw them overboard 14 hours ago. --}
TT- Oh no.