Post by Prodigy on Aug 23, 2010 21:22:26 GMT -6
Miami, Florida
August 17th, 2010
6:15 p.m.
*The scene opens with a familiar handcam aimed at SWA’s latest masked acquisition of awesomeness, Ultimo Doom. He appears to be walking along a bridge located at a playground. The sun is setting behind the trees and the air is filled with the screeching of rusted playground equipment and the laughter of children. Ultimo Doom appears to have been given a cue and instantly changes his mannerisms as if mocking a psychopath. Oddly enough, Ultimo Doom has his mask rolled up exposing his mouth and has a large slushy in his hand. He takes a quick drink and then strolls over to the camera giving his lips a few licks*
Ultimo Doom
"Good evening, ladies and gentlemen! We are tonight’s entertainment! I only have one question…where is Harvey Dent?”
*Ultimo Doom takes another drink of his slushy as the man behind the camera starts to whisper revealing himself to be Psycho Dragon*
Psycho Dragon
*whispers* “It’s Branden Harvey…Branden Harvey.”
*Ultimo Doom merely gets closer to the camera keeping with the exaggerated mannerisms*
Ultimo Doom
“You know where Harvey is? You know who he is? You know where I can find Harvey? I need to talk to him about something. Just something-”
Kid #1
“Heads up! Ultimo Dumbass!”
*A football suddenly sails into the shot and connects with Ultimo Doom’s slushy sweet beverage causing a purple volcanic eruption of sugary chaos that splatters all over Ultimo’s attire. A flabbergasted Ultimo Doom looks down at the obliterated cup and then up at the camera*
Ultimo Doom
“Ok…WHAT THE HELL?!”
*The camera goes to static for a moment and then returns to Ultimo Doom now pushing a little girl clad in pink clothing on a swing set. The girl is absolutely delighted and beams a bright smile as Ultimo Doom pushes her higher and higher while staring directly into the camera*
Ultimo Doom
“THE BIG! THE WIDE! THE HIDEOUSLY OBESE! BRADEN WALKER! And hear I thought you had buried yourself in a plate of endless barbecued hot wings! Now you have been miraculously carried via the dynamic duo of The Thing and The Incredible Hulk to Sedition Wrestling Alliance to consume my being into your own like some sort of slug-like symbiote. Well news flash fat cat, the last time I dealt with a symbiote, I went Ultimo Emo and danced down the street with a bad case of Disco Fever! Yes I threw gun fingers, yes I could play the hell out of a piano, yes I gawked down Gwen Stacy’s blouse every single freakin’ chance I got, and MAN did I get chances, but it wasn’t worth it bro. The ring bell made the symbiote pissy and daddy had X-Men collectibles to pay for if you know what I’m sayin’.”
*Ultimo Doom nods his head as he continues to push the child in the swing*
Ultimo Doom
“You think I’m scared of that flippy-do-da 630 Splash? I can already see you slipping on your own hair grease like Ron Jeremy doing the Charleston in a pool of lube! Will the top rope even hold you? I think not! The only reason you spin an extra ninety degrees is because gravity is like: ‘Yo, this fool is one heavy motha! How should I react to such a gross human blob being all up in my business dawg? An extra ninety degrees? Word son!’ It’s simple science. So after you botch gravity, I’ll crawl out from the humongoid crater and rain DOOOOOOOOM upon you like a treadmill straight outta Final Destination! So get ready fat-!”
*Ultimo Doom is cut off by the little girl sailing back at him on her swing just as he had taken his eyes off of her. She collides into his face and sends him sailing back into the grassy terrain. The camera goes back to static for a moment before returning to a sandbox with a Barbie and Ken doll held into place by two familiar hands. The Barbie moves about as feminine humming can be heard. Meanwhile, the Ken doll is moved closer and it’s arm is positioned outward in a greeting manner*
Ultimo Doom
*Macho voice* “Why Felicia Hardy, aren’t you looking oh so scrumptious today. I’m your creepy resident indy wrestler nobody pays attention to, Branden Harvey.”
Psycho Dragon
*Girly voice* “Branden Harvey? Two first names? Are you from Arkansas?”
Ultimo Doom
*Macho voice* “Well, I have a daddy named Branden and a daddy named Harvey and as you can clearly see I’m not a very original guy at all. In fact, I’m quite the complete tool.”
Psycho Dragon
*Girly voice* “So what are some of your hobbies?”
Ultimo Doom
*Macho voice* “Having picnics by highways, chatting about STDs, making car analogies about real life situations, and proclaiming my greatness to hide my countless insecurities.”
Psycho Dragon
*Girly voice* “So you’re the indy guy who finally gets his big break just to fall flat on his face because he has zero charisma, reads from a script, and cannot adjust to performing with more than fifty people watching?”
Ultimo Doom
*Macho voice* “You forgot to mention that I rotate an extra ninety degrees in my finisher because I secretly want to paralyze myself to escape a life of failure, but yes my dear you have read me like a crappy video game comic book adaptation. Now how about a ride in my Ferrari that doesn’t exist because I’ve been wrestling for peanuts for the last eleven years?”
*A large batmobile toy crashes down onto the Ken doll with the latest Red Hood action figure from Batman: Under The Red Hood taped on top of it to give “illusion” that the action figure is riding in it*
Ultimo Doom
“SWOOOSH! Well well well…what do we have here? I return from a party at Stan Lee’s penthouse to find the lovely Felicia Hardy being offered a ride by the douche-bagel known as Branden Harvey. Didn’t you learn anything from the royal ass beating I gave you at ‘Apocalypse Now?’ Oh I remember it as if it were yesterday with you scrambling about the ring like a giraffe on roller skates trying to get intimate with a sea lion in the middle of Antarctica! After all that talk about how awesome you thought you were and I schooled you like a veteran schooling a noob.”
Psycho Dragon
*Girly voice* “Can we please go to a ‘Masks For Hire’ party now Ultimo honey?”
Ultimo Doom
“You know the “Masks For Hire’ party don‘t stop! Climb aboard!”
*The Barbie doll is placed on top of the batmobile and the replica car is lifted into the air by Psycho Dragon as Ultimo Doom picks up the handcam and aims it at himself*
Ultimo Doom
“Is your mind blown Branden Harvey? Of course it is. A simpleton such a yourself who only knows basic putdowns must be shocked…shocked I say at the knowledge bomb I just dropped! Instead of raving about the main event when you’ve never even had a match in the SWA, why not focus on something that is really in your future…and that is trying not to go off the deep end when I get the big ‘dubya’ in our match. Do you need yet another reason why am I’m going to totally outclass the amateur and green as Gumby sloppiness you consider mad skillz? 720 is greater than 630, therefore my Gamma Ray DDT sinks your 630 Splash and it's just one of my many awesome signature maneuvers! Sinks? Splash? Oh ho…I made a funny! Furthermore, I don’t care if you really are a myth, specter, or even a poltergeist because I spent a summer ghost-busting and I am totally prepared to send you back to the last house on the left of Amityville just past the Elm street on a Friday the 13th! Nuff said! Masks For Hire! Roll Out!"
*Ultimo Doom and Psycho Dragon pose for the camera just as the little girl enters the shot crying about her Ken doll being crushed into oblivion*
End scene.
August 17th, 2010
6:15 p.m.
*The scene opens with a familiar handcam aimed at SWA’s latest masked acquisition of awesomeness, Ultimo Doom. He appears to be walking along a bridge located at a playground. The sun is setting behind the trees and the air is filled with the screeching of rusted playground equipment and the laughter of children. Ultimo Doom appears to have been given a cue and instantly changes his mannerisms as if mocking a psychopath. Oddly enough, Ultimo Doom has his mask rolled up exposing his mouth and has a large slushy in his hand. He takes a quick drink and then strolls over to the camera giving his lips a few licks*
Ultimo Doom
"Good evening, ladies and gentlemen! We are tonight’s entertainment! I only have one question…where is Harvey Dent?”
*Ultimo Doom takes another drink of his slushy as the man behind the camera starts to whisper revealing himself to be Psycho Dragon*
Psycho Dragon
*whispers* “It’s Branden Harvey…Branden Harvey.”
*Ultimo Doom merely gets closer to the camera keeping with the exaggerated mannerisms*
Ultimo Doom
“You know where Harvey is? You know who he is? You know where I can find Harvey? I need to talk to him about something. Just something-”
Kid #1
“Heads up! Ultimo Dumbass!”
*A football suddenly sails into the shot and connects with Ultimo Doom’s slushy sweet beverage causing a purple volcanic eruption of sugary chaos that splatters all over Ultimo’s attire. A flabbergasted Ultimo Doom looks down at the obliterated cup and then up at the camera*
Ultimo Doom
“Ok…WHAT THE HELL?!”
*The camera goes to static for a moment and then returns to Ultimo Doom now pushing a little girl clad in pink clothing on a swing set. The girl is absolutely delighted and beams a bright smile as Ultimo Doom pushes her higher and higher while staring directly into the camera*
Ultimo Doom
“THE BIG! THE WIDE! THE HIDEOUSLY OBESE! BRADEN WALKER! And hear I thought you had buried yourself in a plate of endless barbecued hot wings! Now you have been miraculously carried via the dynamic duo of The Thing and The Incredible Hulk to Sedition Wrestling Alliance to consume my being into your own like some sort of slug-like symbiote. Well news flash fat cat, the last time I dealt with a symbiote, I went Ultimo Emo and danced down the street with a bad case of Disco Fever! Yes I threw gun fingers, yes I could play the hell out of a piano, yes I gawked down Gwen Stacy’s blouse every single freakin’ chance I got, and MAN did I get chances, but it wasn’t worth it bro. The ring bell made the symbiote pissy and daddy had X-Men collectibles to pay for if you know what I’m sayin’.”
*Ultimo Doom nods his head as he continues to push the child in the swing*
Ultimo Doom
“You think I’m scared of that flippy-do-da 630 Splash? I can already see you slipping on your own hair grease like Ron Jeremy doing the Charleston in a pool of lube! Will the top rope even hold you? I think not! The only reason you spin an extra ninety degrees is because gravity is like: ‘Yo, this fool is one heavy motha! How should I react to such a gross human blob being all up in my business dawg? An extra ninety degrees? Word son!’ It’s simple science. So after you botch gravity, I’ll crawl out from the humongoid crater and rain DOOOOOOOOM upon you like a treadmill straight outta Final Destination! So get ready fat-!”
*Ultimo Doom is cut off by the little girl sailing back at him on her swing just as he had taken his eyes off of her. She collides into his face and sends him sailing back into the grassy terrain. The camera goes back to static for a moment before returning to a sandbox with a Barbie and Ken doll held into place by two familiar hands. The Barbie moves about as feminine humming can be heard. Meanwhile, the Ken doll is moved closer and it’s arm is positioned outward in a greeting manner*
Ultimo Doom
*Macho voice* “Why Felicia Hardy, aren’t you looking oh so scrumptious today. I’m your creepy resident indy wrestler nobody pays attention to, Branden Harvey.”
Psycho Dragon
*Girly voice* “Branden Harvey? Two first names? Are you from Arkansas?”
Ultimo Doom
*Macho voice* “Well, I have a daddy named Branden and a daddy named Harvey and as you can clearly see I’m not a very original guy at all. In fact, I’m quite the complete tool.”
Psycho Dragon
*Girly voice* “So what are some of your hobbies?”
Ultimo Doom
*Macho voice* “Having picnics by highways, chatting about STDs, making car analogies about real life situations, and proclaiming my greatness to hide my countless insecurities.”
Psycho Dragon
*Girly voice* “So you’re the indy guy who finally gets his big break just to fall flat on his face because he has zero charisma, reads from a script, and cannot adjust to performing with more than fifty people watching?”
Ultimo Doom
*Macho voice* “You forgot to mention that I rotate an extra ninety degrees in my finisher because I secretly want to paralyze myself to escape a life of failure, but yes my dear you have read me like a crappy video game comic book adaptation. Now how about a ride in my Ferrari that doesn’t exist because I’ve been wrestling for peanuts for the last eleven years?”
*A large batmobile toy crashes down onto the Ken doll with the latest Red Hood action figure from Batman: Under The Red Hood taped on top of it to give “illusion” that the action figure is riding in it*
Ultimo Doom
“SWOOOSH! Well well well…what do we have here? I return from a party at Stan Lee’s penthouse to find the lovely Felicia Hardy being offered a ride by the douche-bagel known as Branden Harvey. Didn’t you learn anything from the royal ass beating I gave you at ‘Apocalypse Now?’ Oh I remember it as if it were yesterday with you scrambling about the ring like a giraffe on roller skates trying to get intimate with a sea lion in the middle of Antarctica! After all that talk about how awesome you thought you were and I schooled you like a veteran schooling a noob.”
Psycho Dragon
*Girly voice* “Can we please go to a ‘Masks For Hire’ party now Ultimo honey?”
Ultimo Doom
“You know the “Masks For Hire’ party don‘t stop! Climb aboard!”
*The Barbie doll is placed on top of the batmobile and the replica car is lifted into the air by Psycho Dragon as Ultimo Doom picks up the handcam and aims it at himself*
Ultimo Doom
“Is your mind blown Branden Harvey? Of course it is. A simpleton such a yourself who only knows basic putdowns must be shocked…shocked I say at the knowledge bomb I just dropped! Instead of raving about the main event when you’ve never even had a match in the SWA, why not focus on something that is really in your future…and that is trying not to go off the deep end when I get the big ‘dubya’ in our match. Do you need yet another reason why am I’m going to totally outclass the amateur and green as Gumby sloppiness you consider mad skillz? 720 is greater than 630, therefore my Gamma Ray DDT sinks your 630 Splash and it's just one of my many awesome signature maneuvers! Sinks? Splash? Oh ho…I made a funny! Furthermore, I don’t care if you really are a myth, specter, or even a poltergeist because I spent a summer ghost-busting and I am totally prepared to send you back to the last house on the left of Amityville just past the Elm street on a Friday the 13th! Nuff said! Masks For Hire! Roll Out!"
*Ultimo Doom and Psycho Dragon pose for the camera just as the little girl enters the shot crying about her Ken doll being crushed into oblivion*
End scene.