Crisis Of Conscience (Part 1)

[Van Der Kamp]

”Ever since Saturday Night Fever I have asked myself if I did the right thing in attacking Ian DeTornado. I have struggled with whether that was the right decision. I did something I never expected myself to do. I crossed another line that I thought would be left uncrossed. When I entered this business I told myself that whatever was happening in my personal life would not affect my decisions in the ring. I told myself that I would always do the honorable and respectable thing. Last Fever, I crossed that line. I acted in pure emotion. I allowed rage to control my actions. Much like what I have been allowing to happen in my personal life. I have allowed the worst side of me to come out. Perhaps it’s a natural progression. Perhaps I am simply reverting back to the man I was before. Maybe this is who I truly am, and the man who wanted to be respectable and honorable is just a work of my own imagination. The more I think about it, the more I fear this is true. The truth is, I don’t feel an ounce of remorse over my attack on Ian DeTornado. People have told me that I attacked the wrong guy. They have told me that I should have taken my anger out on the coward Gabreal Martin. Maybe they are right, but I simply do not care. Gabreal Martin is a coward. He is so busy trying to convince himself and everyone around him that he is the Chosen One that he hasn’t stopped to realize that no one takes him seriously. Even his comments concerning me, and his open challenge are nothing but a joke. What do I have to gain by destroying the laughing stock of the SWA? Nothing.

I may not have taken my aggression out on the right man, but the message I sent, was sent loud and clear. Stay out of my way. Anyone could have beaten down Gabreal Martin. The threat of violence will send him away with his tail between his legs, but not everyone can do the same to the SWA Champion Ian DeTornado. I took our champion and broke him in half. I left him battered and bruised, and I walked away with my head held high. I sent the message that though I may not have the gold, there is no one who can stand before me in the SWA. Half the roster here are no talent jokes, the other half are busy bickering over forgotten legacies, and dead Schnauzers. This place has become a joke. And we have this clown Ian DeTornado sitting at the top representing the cream of the crop here. I refuse to spend one more second allowing people to believe that Ian DeTornado is the best the SWA has to offer. I have sat by for too long trying to be the nice guy. Trying to pretend that it didn’t matter if I was the Champion or not. Busying myself with my private war with The Sedition, while Ian DeTornado received all the glory. Don’t misunderstand me, I do not seek the glory, but at the same time I can’t live with people thinking that a 180 pound Filipino joke who moonlights as a disc jockey is better than me. I have now realized that if I am going to reach the top here I will have to do it by using the same determination I use in my personal life. Just as I have to turn a blind eye to my own actions every day of my life, I will now do the same in the ring.

I know that many fans are disappointed by my actions on Fever. I know many more will be disappointed with my comments here today. In all truth, I may not have many fans left, but again I really do not care. I didn’t get in this business to gain fans. I will admit that for a time I grew to not only appreciate, but also crave the adoration of the fans. Often the only thing that would get me through a week of trying to piece my life together was the fan reaction that was waiting for me every Saturday. This too has passed for me. What the fans think of me does not matter. At the end of the day I knew that it didn’t matter how many people cheered for me, because 90% of them were walking away under the impression that Ian DeTornado was better than me. Now I have learned to let go of worrying what the fans think of me, and do what is necessary to show the world that Ian DeTornado is no match for me. He is nothing but a fly by night champion. From the beginning his reign was due to go down in mediocrity. Since winning the title he has lost in not one, but two non title matches. Not only did he lose to me, but he lost to Teen Throb as well. That means that there have been two times that it was proven that Ian DeTornado was not the best in the business. He is an embarrassment to the SWA and has made the championship look like a joke. We need a champion who will be consistent. We need a champion who will dominate. Not one that only knows how to win when the strap is on the line. I will be that kind of champion. I will redeem the SWA Championship.

I don’t hate Ian DeTornado, I do not even dislike him. He seems like a decent guy. What I did to him on Fever and what I will do to him at Apocalypse Now is not personal. I may sound cliché, but it is the truth. What I have done, and will do is simply about personal conquest. It’s about proving to the world that I am the best in the business. It’s about showing The Sedition that I can destroy anyone in my path. It’s about giving myself something to be proud of in my current existence where everyday the only thing I feel is shame. Nothing against him, I just feel that the SWA deserves a better standard to live up to. I will set the bar high and watch from the top as Ian DeTornado and Gabreal Martin struggle to prove that they are worthy of challenging me. The Larsen Van Der Kamp everyone knew and loved is gone. Maybe he truly never existed, he was just someone I created to soothe my conscience. This Larsen Van Der Kamp you may not like, in fact you may despise him, but I guarantee you this everyone will respect him. Not because of who he is, but because of what he can do.”

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Larsen Van Der Kamp stands next to Nassor. Nassor points a gun to his head.

NASSOR:
“What’s the matter? Conscience getting in the way?”

Larsen stares at Nassor for a moment. You can see a look of fear in his eyes as Nassor pulls the hammer back on the gun.

NASSOR:
“You know where we are. You know what I’ve brought you here to do. The game is over. Kill them, or I will do it, and make you watch. Then what I will do to you will make you wish for their fate.”

Larsen sits up in his bed. He is sweating and looks confused. He looks around and realizes that he is only dreaming again.

Another dream. It seems so real this must be another memory. Why can’t I remember what was happening. Who was I supposed to kill? Why was Nassor threatening me like that?

Larsen sits down at his desk. He pulls his journal out of the drawer and begins to write.

This is the closest I have gotten to a true memory. Everything seems so real, even Nassor’s appearance looks a few years younger. Everything seems to point toward this being a true memory. The emotions I felt are all over the map. Guilt, fear, sadness, rage towards Nassor. All I want to do is turn the gun on him, but the very thought of that fills me with fear. Why do I faer Nassor so much? What did he do that causes me to fear him? Not just in the memory, but even when I met him face to face. I feel fear in his presence. He clearly fits into the puzzle. But where does he fit? With Tau I can assume that he was the one who trained me to be a killer in the organization. We became friends, and trusted one another, but with Nassor…

Larsen pauses and thinks for a moment. He then returns to writing.

…with Nassor it’s a mystery. These memories all started when I met him. Before that any memory was a blurred vision at best. Now it’s clear. Nassor must be the key. I must gain closer access to him. Of course that is something that has to be earned. I tremble at the thought of the things I will have to do to earn that man’s trust. If I don’t earn it though, I may never know the truth. Somehow I need to let go of my inhibitions, and do what must be done to gain more access to him.

Larsen finishes writing in his journal and returns it to the drawer. Larsen gets up and puts a shirt on. He leaves his apartment and walks down the street. A car speeds up beside him and drives up on the sidewalk cutting him off. The door opens and Tau pulls him into the car. The car speeds off.

LARSEN:
“What is with the haste?”

TAU:
“Sorry my friend, but there’s no time for any pleasantries. We’ve got an important job.”

LARSEN:
“What’s the job?”

TAU:
“It’s a high priority hit.”

LARSEN:
“Well, it better pay well. Today was supposed to be my day off.”

Tau begins to laugh.

TAU:
“Larsen my friend, you have not changed a bit. You always were focused on the money.”

LARSEN:
“Glad someone in this car remembers what I was like.”

Tau chuckles again.

LARSEN:
“So who’s the hit?”

The car pulls into the hospital parking lot. Larsen appears confused.

TAU:
“Our source in the police department tells us that Streppner has woken up. Nassor wants him dealt with before he starts talking. He knows too much.”

LARSEN:
“They’ll never let you get anywhere near him. We’ll never get anywhere near him.”

TAU:
“We won’t, but you will. You were the one who brought him to the hospital. Your quick action saved his life.”

LARSEN:
“But Patel doesn’t trust me. Surely he would not let me in there.”

TAU:
“Patel never liked Streppner. Trust me, he won’t be anywhere near the hospital.”

Tau holds up a handgun and tries to hand it to Larsen. Larsen hesitates to take it.

TAU: What’s the matter my friend? Conscience getting in the way?”

Larsen stares at Tau, remembering those same words Nassor said in his dream.

TAU:
“Nassor assured me that if you did this job you would be well rewarded.”

Larsen exhales and grabs the gun. He hides it in his jacket pocket.

TAU:
“Silencer is on. Close the door, do the job, and get out quickly. Do nothing to arise suspicion as you leave. We will be waiting around the corner, and two blocks down.”

Larsen gets out of the car and walks into the hospital. He takes the stairs and goes up to the 3rd floor. Larsen walks up to Streppner’s room. A guard is sitting at the door.

GUARD:
“Who are you?”

LARSEN:
“I’m Larsen Van Der Kamp. I’m here to see Klaus Streppner.”

GUARD:
“Let me see if you are on the list.”

The guard checks his list. Larsen waits nervously.

GUARD:
“Here you are. You are allowed full access. Go ahead.”

The guard steps aside and Larsen walks into the room. He closes the door behind him. Streppner is lying in his bed. He still seems to be unconscious. Larsen slowly moves up to the side of the bed.

I knew that I would have to do some terrible things to gain Nassor’s trust, but is this too much. I know he lied to me for 3 years, but he was just about to tell me the truth before he was shot.

Larsen stands at the bedside for nearly a minute considering what to do.

I said I would do whatever it takes. If this is what I have to do to learn the truth, than so be it.

Larsen pulls out the gun and presses it against Streppner’s temple. As he does, Officer Patel bursts out of the closet with his gun drawn.

PATEL:
“FREEZE! Drop the gun Van Der Kamp. You’re under arrest.”


TO BE CONTINUED>>>[/center]