Post by Duke Wallace on Aug 7, 2010 22:52:12 GMT -6
ANNOUNCER: We now return to The New Thicke of the Night with your host, the one and only Alan Thicke!
**The Thicke of the Night logo vanishes from the screen and the shot fades to 80s sitcom icon Alan Thicke behind a desk fixing his hair. He's talking to the camera man and unaware that the show has returned from the commercial. **
THICKE: No I told you before you need to shoot me from this side. My hair tends to sag the other way. Let the audience see the better half of my handsome profile..... What's that? We're back............. okay in 3....... 2.........1?
**Alan Thicke flashes his pearly whites.**
THICKE: Welcome back to The New Thicke of the Night, the latest in 80s television revival. They said we were dead, buried and rotting like the corpses of in Ted Bundy's basement, but here we are proving the world wrong. The Thicke of the Night has returned to late night. Moving on with our episode, we have some great interviews to get to, but first, we would like to welcome our sponsor. He's a man I met weeks ago and have come to respect like my own son. Our last TV venture didn't pan out, so Duke took out a line of credit and financed the return of this great program. Please welcome our shows sponsor, the hero for our generation "The Supremacist" Duke Wallace.
**Scattered applause from the crowd who have been offered free tickets to this disgrace of a TV revival. Alan Thicke stands up and shakes Duke's powerful hand. Both sit down.**
THICKE: Duke I want to personally thank you, not only for putting up the $500 to secure us this primetime slot of PA 11: Public Access, but also for being such an inspiration to myself and so many others of this generation. You've lived through so many hardships in life and come out of it stronger than ever. You suffer harsh media criticism for some of our more offensive personal views, but carry on like a wayward son. What a breath of fresh air it is to have come to know you. Anything you care to share with us tonight?
DUKE: I have a lot on my mind, Alan. It's been tough since I made the career shift. I was highly successful in my cage fighting days, but I just wasn't ready for the responsibility that came with that type of power of human life. I went into the culinary arts and became the personal chef to the stars. Marthya Stewart, Sylvester Stallone, Bruce Willis. They treated me like family, but my heart just wasn't in that line of work. I decided to go back to the ring, and like so many other things in my life, I've been met with so much opposition and criticism.
THICKE: Sad story, and hapy at the same time. Time for our next guest....
DUKE: You see, I'm still waiting to catch a break in SWA. I destroy my competition and lose based on technicalities. The referees don't want to give me a fair shake, and neither do management. I am the greatest physical specimen anyone has ever seen in this sport. Not an ounce of fat on my body, bulging biceps, ripped abs. I'm the whole package, and dangerous to boot, but who's getting the spotlight? Not the young Hercules of a man named Duke Wallace. No, it's the senior citizen spokesman for The Alzheimers Society. When did our business start to glorify weak flabby old men while the young hard working men who form the backbone of this sport get dumped on. It's the Hulk Hogan and Waylon Hawthorne's of this world that hold the real workers down. I've had it.
THICKE: That's too bad. We still have David Hyde Pearce and the music of Chumbawamba to get to, so we'll have to cut this spot from our sponsor short, but I do thank Duke....
DUKE: Let me tell you about a drain on our society. The elderly. They retire and collect social security, paid for not by their deductions over the years, but by money from MY check, money from Alan Thicke's check. When they paid into social security it was a percentage off of the slave labor prices of The Great Depression. How does that equal $2000 a month? Don't even get me started on the line ups at the grocery store. They force us to stand behind them for 20 minutes in line at Safeway while they count out the change to pay for their carton of milk one penny at a time. We waste our life away waiting on them in line in establishement. But now we can look at public transportation. While the rest of us working class under 65 crowd are stuffed into a shoe box called a bus, they ride at half price on good old Handi-Transit, with reclining seats, lots of leg room and a private air conditioned ride. Does that sound fair to you?
THICKE: I apologize to actor John Larrroquette, as by now we will have to cut his interview because of time constraints....
DUKE: After all that people like me have to suffer through because of the elderly, you get the odd one like Waylon Hawthorne who's too selfish to just sit at home collecting his social security, he wants to take my living as well. He waltzes into SWA, showing off his resume from the black and white days of television, and collects the higher salary because of name value. I'm ready to wage war not only on Hawthorne but all elderly people while I'm at it. Who's with me? You ready to break some surgically replaced hips with me, Thicke?
THICKE: I would like to remind everyone watching at home that the comments of Duke Wallace do not reflect the opinions of this program, myself, or anyone at PA 11: Public Access Television. We'll be back after this commercial break with David Hyde Pearce and the music of Chumbawamba!
**Duke's microphone feed is cut off as the show cuts to commercial.**
**The Thicke of the Night logo vanishes from the screen and the shot fades to 80s sitcom icon Alan Thicke behind a desk fixing his hair. He's talking to the camera man and unaware that the show has returned from the commercial. **
THICKE: No I told you before you need to shoot me from this side. My hair tends to sag the other way. Let the audience see the better half of my handsome profile..... What's that? We're back............. okay in 3....... 2.........1?
**Alan Thicke flashes his pearly whites.**
THICKE: Welcome back to The New Thicke of the Night, the latest in 80s television revival. They said we were dead, buried and rotting like the corpses of in Ted Bundy's basement, but here we are proving the world wrong. The Thicke of the Night has returned to late night. Moving on with our episode, we have some great interviews to get to, but first, we would like to welcome our sponsor. He's a man I met weeks ago and have come to respect like my own son. Our last TV venture didn't pan out, so Duke took out a line of credit and financed the return of this great program. Please welcome our shows sponsor, the hero for our generation "The Supremacist" Duke Wallace.
**Scattered applause from the crowd who have been offered free tickets to this disgrace of a TV revival. Alan Thicke stands up and shakes Duke's powerful hand. Both sit down.**
THICKE: Duke I want to personally thank you, not only for putting up the $500 to secure us this primetime slot of PA 11: Public Access, but also for being such an inspiration to myself and so many others of this generation. You've lived through so many hardships in life and come out of it stronger than ever. You suffer harsh media criticism for some of our more offensive personal views, but carry on like a wayward son. What a breath of fresh air it is to have come to know you. Anything you care to share with us tonight?
DUKE: I have a lot on my mind, Alan. It's been tough since I made the career shift. I was highly successful in my cage fighting days, but I just wasn't ready for the responsibility that came with that type of power of human life. I went into the culinary arts and became the personal chef to the stars. Marthya Stewart, Sylvester Stallone, Bruce Willis. They treated me like family, but my heart just wasn't in that line of work. I decided to go back to the ring, and like so many other things in my life, I've been met with so much opposition and criticism.
THICKE: Sad story, and hapy at the same time. Time for our next guest....
DUKE: You see, I'm still waiting to catch a break in SWA. I destroy my competition and lose based on technicalities. The referees don't want to give me a fair shake, and neither do management. I am the greatest physical specimen anyone has ever seen in this sport. Not an ounce of fat on my body, bulging biceps, ripped abs. I'm the whole package, and dangerous to boot, but who's getting the spotlight? Not the young Hercules of a man named Duke Wallace. No, it's the senior citizen spokesman for The Alzheimers Society. When did our business start to glorify weak flabby old men while the young hard working men who form the backbone of this sport get dumped on. It's the Hulk Hogan and Waylon Hawthorne's of this world that hold the real workers down. I've had it.
THICKE: That's too bad. We still have David Hyde Pearce and the music of Chumbawamba to get to, so we'll have to cut this spot from our sponsor short, but I do thank Duke....
DUKE: Let me tell you about a drain on our society. The elderly. They retire and collect social security, paid for not by their deductions over the years, but by money from MY check, money from Alan Thicke's check. When they paid into social security it was a percentage off of the slave labor prices of The Great Depression. How does that equal $2000 a month? Don't even get me started on the line ups at the grocery store. They force us to stand behind them for 20 minutes in line at Safeway while they count out the change to pay for their carton of milk one penny at a time. We waste our life away waiting on them in line in establishement. But now we can look at public transportation. While the rest of us working class under 65 crowd are stuffed into a shoe box called a bus, they ride at half price on good old Handi-Transit, with reclining seats, lots of leg room and a private air conditioned ride. Does that sound fair to you?
THICKE: I apologize to actor John Larrroquette, as by now we will have to cut his interview because of time constraints....
DUKE: After all that people like me have to suffer through because of the elderly, you get the odd one like Waylon Hawthorne who's too selfish to just sit at home collecting his social security, he wants to take my living as well. He waltzes into SWA, showing off his resume from the black and white days of television, and collects the higher salary because of name value. I'm ready to wage war not only on Hawthorne but all elderly people while I'm at it. Who's with me? You ready to break some surgically replaced hips with me, Thicke?
THICKE: I would like to remind everyone watching at home that the comments of Duke Wallace do not reflect the opinions of this program, myself, or anyone at PA 11: Public Access Television. We'll be back after this commercial break with David Hyde Pearce and the music of Chumbawamba!
**Duke's microphone feed is cut off as the show cuts to commercial.**