Post by Wearedoomed on Aug 7, 2010 22:06:54 GMT -6
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WE <3 PSYDRAG
~Chapter One~
Dances With Bees
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“I don’t suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.”
- Unknown
* It is an early Wednesday morning in some remote, countryside location in South Carolina. Even though the handheld camera propped up against the dashboard shakes a fair bit thanks to both a bumpy road and some fairly erratic driving, it still shows the sun-bathed trees and expansive fields. The camera then gets turned around and is positioned to face none other then the latest signed person under the SWA banner, the undefeated Psycho Dragon. He has his creepy-looking mask on, naturally, but one who was paying attention could see a goofy grin form under the mask*
<^>PSYCHO DRAGON<^>
Hiya, chaps and chapettes! Your friendly neighborhood Psycho Dragon, here! How goes it? Well, in case you missed it, two weeks ago on Fever, I beat up an old man and some whiny Irish kid! Cool, huh? I know! Well, this time, I’m apparently facing some obviously gay Backstreet Boys reject who calls himself “Teen Throb”!……Yah, I think that’s a stupid name, too. But, BUT! Here’s the kicker! I’m facing this guy in, like, the MAIN EVENT, which is very awesome considering the fact that I’ve only one victory under my belt! AND, get this, the objective of said match is to pummel each other with a hive-full of angry bees! I honestly couldn’t make that up even if I tried!
*Whilst PsyDrag is talking about is upcoming match, he foolishly faces the camera as opposed to the road that he’s driving on*
<^>PSYCHO DRAGON<^>
Now, now, I know what you guys are probably thinking: “But PsyDrag, shouldn’t be training for your match in, like, a gym or some other similar establishment?” The answer in this case would obviously be “No.” Why? Because, I’m going to do my training a bit differently….You see, unlike Teen Throbbing Migraine, I’ve a distinct edge over him: I….am ONE with the bee! I’ll bet you any amount of money that Teeny’s not one with the bee! You see, unlike him, I know how they operate, I know how they communicate, and I’ve mastered an art that has been passed down from generation to generation ever since the summer of ’92! This powerful art is known simply…….As Bee-Boxing! You know, like “beat-boxing”, but only more useful! That’s because while beat-boxing is just a series of interconnected, rhythmic noises, Bee-Boxing is vastly different; you see, it’s----GAH!!
*Just then, PsyDrag actually notices the road again, or lack thereof, as he frantically turns the wheel and barely manages to prevent the car from tumbling down a small hill and into a ditch*
<^>PSYCHO DRAGON<^>
JESUS!!!!
*After a few moments of wildly zig-zagging across the road, PsyDrag successfully realigns his car along the right side of the road. Not even stopping the car to take a moment to reflect on what just happened*
<^>PSYCHO DRAGON<^>
Whew! *faces the camera again* Was that a close one or what?! I ssooo gonna tweet this when I get back to the motel!
*PsyDrag then makes a left turn as he, once again, faces the camera as opposed to the road*
<^>PSYCHO DRAGON<^>
Now, where was I? Oh, yeah! I was explaining the awesome art of Bee-Boxing! You see, kiddies, what Bee-Boxing is is that it’s something sorta like beat-boxing, but you only use buzzing-sounds as opposed to various beeps, bloops, and whatever other noises you can do with ordinary beat-boxing! I shall use this method to communicate with the bees and get them to help me defeat Teen Throb this Saturday! And, for all of you shaking your heads and laughing by now, I can assure you that being the trained professional Bee-Boxer that I am----Okay, okay, granted, my father was often drunk when he tried to teach me and his version of it landed him in the hospital several times due to the fact that he was allergic to bees -- But, I’m absolutely, one-hundred perfect, maybe certain that I will succeed where my father humorously failed so many times! Teeny Weeny Throb won’t know what’s going to hit his untalented, bubblegum-pop ass this Saturday, mark my words---
*Just then, PsyDrag hits some sort of big bump that has him, the car, and the camera bouncing up and down. Growling, PsyDrag practically stomps on the brakes, sending the car onto a screeching halt, and puts the car in park as he sharply turns his head to see what he hit*
<^>PSYCHO DRAGON<^>
What in the world was ---?!
*PsyDrag goes quiet and remains so for several seconds before impulsively putting in drive and pushing on the gas petal. PsyDrag turns to face the road and shrinks a little bit*
<^>PSYCHO DRAGON<^>
….*gulps* I sure hope that dog didn’t belong to anyone….
*cuts to static*
*The camera than cuts back to show PsyDrag looking at some homely-looking, two-story house with red shingles and a tin roof out of his window. The open field that surrounds it indicates that it is a farm of some kind. PsyDrag has the car parked a good ways away from it, under some tree as the car is shrouded in shade, almost as if he wasn’t supposed to be there. He takes the camera in one hand and gently opens the driver’s side door with the other. He quietly exits the car in a crouched position and presses a button near the driver’s seat that pops open the truck before slowly closing the door. *
<^>PSYCHO DRAGON<^>
*whispers*…This is the place….
*He cautiously makes his way over the open truck and quickly begins to rummage through it with his free hand*
<^>PSYCHO DRAGON<^>
Come on, come on…..It’s gotta be here, somewhere….Please don’t tell me I left it back home…..Crap…
*PsyDrag continues to look around for a little bit and spots what he‘s looking for*
<^>PSYCHO DRAGON<^>
Sweetness! This is gonna be good!
*cuts to static*
*The camera cuts to see the back of the house as PsyDrag is sneaking towards presumably the backyard of the property. PsyDrag’s voice can be heard *
<^>PSYCHO DRAGON<^>
….As long as I’m not interrupted, I should be fine, kiddies. And by “interrupted”, I mean “caught”; what I’m doing here ain’t exactly legal….
*PsyDrag then turns a corner and spots the thing he was here for in the first place: it was an apiary, or more commonly known as a bee-farm. About a dozen artificial hives were lined up in groups of six on little stands and were surrounded by a small, picket fence. PsyDrag fixes the camera on top of a metal trash-can at the entrance of said fence as he faces it in the general direction of the apiary. PsyDrag steps out into the view of the lens, which happens to reveal that he was wearing the thing he was looking for earlier…..which so just happened to be the most ridiculous bee costumes ever, fuzzy antennas and all*
<^>PSYCHO DRAGON<^>
Like the threads? Got it from a Goodwill! A lot more expensive than the old Michael Jackson Halloween costumes that Teen Throb wears, that’s for sure!
*PsyDrag then tip-toes to do a close-up with the camera and tilts his head*
<^>PSYCHO DRAGON<^>
A word of advice, guys……*holds up a finger* Don’t try this at home!
*PsyDrag then whips himself around and runs straight into the apiary, knocking off the tops of the boxes and jumping back into the middle of the apiary*
<^>PSYCHO DRAGON<^>
*throws up his arms* OH MY INSECT BROTHAS AND SISTAS!! HEAR MY PLEA!!
*As hundreds and hundreds of less-than-pleased honey bees begin to swarm out of the respective hives, PsyDrag begins to dance like he just went number-two in his pants and cusps his hands against his mouth*
<^>PSYCHO DRAGON<^>
Uh-Buuzz-buzz-buzuzbuzbuzbuzbbbuu-bu-buh-buh-bu-buzuzubuuuzzah! I be facing a joke named --BUZUZU-Teen Throb!--Buzuzuzu--buuzbuzzbu-buz-zu-He look like he got Glasgow grinned by a mob! He thinks he can take on --Buzz-bu-buzz-bububu-buzz-ah-buuuzzzuzuuzu - Ain’t go no idea just what the hell the fool’s on! Buzz-ahzah-buzuuzbbbbuuzz---zzzzzzuuuuhhuuuzzz----He be tryin’s to sing and dance and whatnot----Buzzbahbuzzbubbuubuh-buh-buh-buuzzzuh--But, every time he do, he looks like he got shot and impaled by Sir Lancelot! Buzzbbuzuzbbuuzbbbzuuuzzbuuuzbzbuuz! He thinks he tha’ bomb, thinks that --buzz-- he’s top dog, but the poor sap can’t even drop a Lincoln Log!
*The bees that PsyDrag supposedly thinks he can communicate with only seem to become more irritated with this person as they begin to swarm around him. Showing no worry, PsyDrag thinks that he’s starting to get trough to them and decides to stay the course*
<^>PSYCHO DRAGON<^>
Buu-buh-BUZzzZZzz--*scratches*--I be like “What the heck!?” when I be seeing this dude, with his chipmunk cheeks and his chicken neck! Buuzzuububu-bubuahbuh--bu-Buzuzuz-- I gotta face this dude, endure his whinin’ and cryin’ --bbuuzzuuzbbuuuzzuzubbbuuuzzzuuuuuhhhhhuuu -- But, with your help, I make him look as tough as a Detroit Lion!
Ssooo…….What ’chu say ’bout that, homie slices! *holds up hands* Give your home-boy some love, dawgs!!
*Unfortunately for PsyDrag, the bees are more than willing to comply with his request as they enshroud him in a thick cloud of stripes and wings, as each one stings away at the overwhelmed PsyDrag, who franticly tries to shoo them off to more avail*
<^>PSYCHO DRAGON<^>
He-HEY!! OW!! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOIN---GAH!! I’M YOUR--AAAHHH--*jumps*---I’M YOUR FFRRIEENNDD!! STOP STINGING ME YOU JERKS---AH, DAMMIT!!
*As PsyDrag tries to get away from the swarm of bees, the door to the house is kicked open to reveal an older-looking man wearing a plaid shirt and a bewildered look on his face as he sees the source of the commotion*
<^>OLD GUY OBVIOUSLY MORE EXPERIENCED IN BEEKEEPING THAN PSYCHO DRAGON<^>
*shakes fist angrily* What in the name of The Lord are you doing back here?! I thought I told you to never come back here, you masked freak! *calls inside the house* Martha, call the police! That loony in the mask’s back!
*Seeing the old man who PsyDrag is apparently acquainted with, PsyDrag jumps over the fence and rushes to the man as the swarm follows*
<^>OLD GUY OBVIOUSLY MORE EXPERINCED IN BEEKEEPING THAN PSYCHO DRAGON<^>
What do you want---
<^>PSYCHO DRAGON<^>
GET OUTTA THE WAY, OLD FART!!
*PsyDrag shoves the man aside as he leaps into the house as the swarm rush inside the house. The sounds of things crashing and breaking, along with sounds of hysterical screaming, are heard for about a minute and a half before PsyDrag is seen running off into the distance from the front end of the house as he is now being terrorized by the swarm of stinging bees, an elderly woman with a broom, and what appears to be a pug dangling onto his right calf by it’s teeth. PsyDrag can faintly be heard screaming random obscenities in between girlish squeals of agony…..All the while, the old man is writhing around on the ground like a turtle on it’s back*
*cuts to static*
*The camera now cuts to footage being shot in night-vision, indicating that it’s the evening now. It’s shaking a bit and hard breathing can be heard as it has now become evident that PsyDrag’s been running for quite some time, now. He stops and sits down, wherever he happens to be at this time, to catch his breath. He lifts the camera up and faces the lens as he takes a few deep breaths*
<^>PSYCHO DRAGON<^>
*between breaths*…. Hugh…Hugh….HUHGH……*exhales* Well….Th--that didn’t exactly pan out the way I had in mind…..However, unlike Teen Throb, I’m STILL one with the bee….Those bees were retards, ‘tis all…..*looks around*…..I had to ditch the car……*shrugs* Oh well, wasn’t mine, anyway…
*PsyDrag looks around again and gets up as he proceeds to slowly walk, still facing the camera*
<^>PSYCHO DRAGON<^>
Furthermore….I don’t need THOSE stupid bees…..I’m sure the ones I’ll be using against Teen Nick shall be much more normal and cooperative…..*tilts head* At least I hope so, anyway…Listen, kiddies, I’d like to stay and chat, but I’ve so many policemen to outrun and so little time to do it, so until then, here’s Psychy!
*PsyDrag then goes for a button and turns the camera off as it momentarily cuts to static, then goes to black*
~FIN~