Post by "The Geriatric One" on Aug 7, 2010 20:43:35 GMT -6
(Waylon Hawthorne and his nephew Rory walk out of a strip club. Rory looks very disturbed.)
HAWTHORNE: Come on boy, what's the matter with you. Don't you like looking at naked ladies?
RORY: I think it's wrong. Places like these simply serve to further the objectifying of the female gender.
HAWTHORNE: Dagnabbit child, speak english.
RORY: A strip club turns women into sex objects.
HAWTHORNE: And how!
RORY: It's just not right.
(Hawthorne hangs his head in frustration he pulls out a piece of paper.)
HAWTHORNE: I guess that's one more thing to scratch off the list. I don't understand you boy. First you tell me that dog fighting is barbaric, and illegal, then you tell me that Rambo II is pro Viet Nam war rubbish, then there was that Hummer, green house gas garbage, and now this.
RORY: Maybe you should just accept the fact that you are a sick, chauvinistic, fascist, polluter.
HAWTHORNE: And maybe you should accept the fact that you're a sissy little girly man.
RORY: Very mature Grandpa.
(Hawthorne throws his hands up in the air and grunts with frustration.)
HAWTHORNE: Well why don't you go back to Woodstock you stinkin' hippy?
RORY: Why don't you go back to Germany, Nazi?
HAWTHORNE: Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!
(Hawthorne turns his back on Rory and folds his arms. Rory does the same. After a few minutes Rory turns around.)
RORY: Come on Grandpa, can't we just go back to the hotel.
HAWTHORNE: I'm not talking to you until you admit that you're a jerk.
RORY: Ok, fine. You're not a Nazi. I'm sorry for calling you one.
HAWTHORNE: I accept your apology. Now apologize for insulting John Rambo.
RORY: Grrrrrr! Unbelievable. Can't we just go back to the hotel.
HAWTHORNE: No, not until I've made a man out of you. Now let's see. What's next on the list.... Ah yes, introduce him to The Supremacist Duke Wallace. He'll show you what a real man is.
RORY: Uhhh... Grandpa, that's your opponent on Fever this week.
HAWTHORNE: What? They got me against The Supremacist, but he's my kindred spirit... well you know in a non queer sort of way.
RORY: He's a pathological liar.
HAWTHORNE: How dare you speak that way about a man who broke every bone in his body, and fought back from it. That man is a hero.
RORY: Grandpa, he made that story up to make him sound like a big man. It's not possible to break every bone in your body and survive.
HAWTHORNE: Well, we'll see what the medical journal has to say about that.
(Moments later Hawthorne closes a book in a library.)
HAWTHORNE: So you were right, he did lie about that. So are you telling me that he wasn't a personal trainer to the stars?
RORY: That's right.
HAWTHORNE: Are you telling me that he didn't nearly kill a man using the Dim Mak.
RORY: Nope. In fact the Dim Mak isn't even a real technique. He just got it from the movie Bloodsport.
HAWTHORNE: That stinkin' liar. I hate liars. In fact, I hate liars even more than I hate sissies. There's nothing I hate more than a liar... well, except for maybe a lying sissy. I've known some of those in my day... wait a second, did you just acknowledge the movie Bloodsport.
RORY: Yeah, I love Bloodsport.
HAWTHORNE: REALLY!
RORY: Yeah, I find Jean Claude Van Damme's physique to be very impressive. He's ripped.
HAWTHORNE: Did you just say... forget it. I just can't believe that Duke Wallace would tell so many lies. I can't stand for that. Oh no, I'm gonna whip that boy like a red headed grandson. No one lies to me and gets away with it. To think I was considering adopting him as my only son.
RORY: But Grandpa, what about my dad.
HAWTHORNE: Like I said, my only son. Anyways, that boy isn't going to dupe me again. Fool me once shame on me, fool me twice shame on you. That little punk kids got another thing coming if he thinks he can go on masquerading as a decent man. I'm gonna show him what I think of liars. The last guy that lied to me got a licking that kept on tickin' for weeks to come. I'm gonna get geriatrically jiggy with it all over liar, liar pants on fires face. In fact, I may even break out the old wooden spoon and paddle his behind till it's black and blue.
RORY: Geez Grandpa, you say I'm the gay one, but you're the one talking about paddling another man's behind.
HAWTHORNE: Shut up boy! Let's go back to the hotel so I can figure out some more ways to try to man you up.
(Hawthorne and Rory walk away from the strip club. Rory snickers, and Hawthorne smacks him upside the head.)
HAWTHORNE: Come on boy, what's the matter with you. Don't you like looking at naked ladies?
RORY: I think it's wrong. Places like these simply serve to further the objectifying of the female gender.
HAWTHORNE: Dagnabbit child, speak english.
RORY: A strip club turns women into sex objects.
HAWTHORNE: And how!
RORY: It's just not right.
(Hawthorne hangs his head in frustration he pulls out a piece of paper.)
Ways To Man Up Sissy Boy
Take him to a Dog Fight
Make him watch Rambo: First Blood Part II
Get him to test drive a hummer
Take him to a strip club
Take him to a strip club
HAWTHORNE: I guess that's one more thing to scratch off the list. I don't understand you boy. First you tell me that dog fighting is barbaric, and illegal, then you tell me that Rambo II is pro Viet Nam war rubbish, then there was that Hummer, green house gas garbage, and now this.
RORY: Maybe you should just accept the fact that you are a sick, chauvinistic, fascist, polluter.
HAWTHORNE: And maybe you should accept the fact that you're a sissy little girly man.
RORY: Very mature Grandpa.
(Hawthorne throws his hands up in the air and grunts with frustration.)
HAWTHORNE: Well why don't you go back to Woodstock you stinkin' hippy?
RORY: Why don't you go back to Germany, Nazi?
HAWTHORNE: Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!
(Hawthorne turns his back on Rory and folds his arms. Rory does the same. After a few minutes Rory turns around.)
RORY: Come on Grandpa, can't we just go back to the hotel.
HAWTHORNE: I'm not talking to you until you admit that you're a jerk.
RORY: Ok, fine. You're not a Nazi. I'm sorry for calling you one.
HAWTHORNE: I accept your apology. Now apologize for insulting John Rambo.
RORY: Grrrrrr! Unbelievable. Can't we just go back to the hotel.
HAWTHORNE: No, not until I've made a man out of you. Now let's see. What's next on the list.... Ah yes, introduce him to The Supremacist Duke Wallace. He'll show you what a real man is.
RORY: Uhhh... Grandpa, that's your opponent on Fever this week.
HAWTHORNE: What? They got me against The Supremacist, but he's my kindred spirit... well you know in a non queer sort of way.
RORY: He's a pathological liar.
HAWTHORNE: How dare you speak that way about a man who broke every bone in his body, and fought back from it. That man is a hero.
RORY: Grandpa, he made that story up to make him sound like a big man. It's not possible to break every bone in your body and survive.
HAWTHORNE: Well, we'll see what the medical journal has to say about that.
(Moments later Hawthorne closes a book in a library.)
HAWTHORNE: So you were right, he did lie about that. So are you telling me that he wasn't a personal trainer to the stars?
RORY: That's right.
HAWTHORNE: Are you telling me that he didn't nearly kill a man using the Dim Mak.
RORY: Nope. In fact the Dim Mak isn't even a real technique. He just got it from the movie Bloodsport.
HAWTHORNE: That stinkin' liar. I hate liars. In fact, I hate liars even more than I hate sissies. There's nothing I hate more than a liar... well, except for maybe a lying sissy. I've known some of those in my day... wait a second, did you just acknowledge the movie Bloodsport.
RORY: Yeah, I love Bloodsport.
HAWTHORNE: REALLY!
RORY: Yeah, I find Jean Claude Van Damme's physique to be very impressive. He's ripped.
HAWTHORNE: Did you just say... forget it. I just can't believe that Duke Wallace would tell so many lies. I can't stand for that. Oh no, I'm gonna whip that boy like a red headed grandson. No one lies to me and gets away with it. To think I was considering adopting him as my only son.
RORY: But Grandpa, what about my dad.
HAWTHORNE: Like I said, my only son. Anyways, that boy isn't going to dupe me again. Fool me once shame on me, fool me twice shame on you. That little punk kids got another thing coming if he thinks he can go on masquerading as a decent man. I'm gonna show him what I think of liars. The last guy that lied to me got a licking that kept on tickin' for weeks to come. I'm gonna get geriatrically jiggy with it all over liar, liar pants on fires face. In fact, I may even break out the old wooden spoon and paddle his behind till it's black and blue.
RORY: Geez Grandpa, you say I'm the gay one, but you're the one talking about paddling another man's behind.
HAWTHORNE: Shut up boy! Let's go back to the hotel so I can figure out some more ways to try to man you up.
(Hawthorne and Rory walk away from the strip club. Rory snickers, and Hawthorne smacks him upside the head.)
