WE <3 PSYDRAG (Prologue)

[Wearedoomed]

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WE <3 PSYDRAG
~Prologue~
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“I used to be a heavy gambler, but now I just make mental bets; that’s how I lost my mind.”
- Steve Allen


*It is a dark night in Atlanta, GA. The sky was pitch-black with no star in sight and was being accompanied by the dazzling lights emitting from the city itself. This city was brisling with life; people chattering, music, lights….Just people having fun whilst being blanketed with bright reds, yellows, greens, and blues; sort of like a kaleidoscope. The camera lens would notice this too……If it weren’t in night-vision. Yep, night-vision. So, instead of seeing the majestic, Technicolor beauty that is Atlanta nightlife, the camera’s treated to seeing a dark city with grayish outlines being swallowed by a big, lime-green blob. If the camera had a soul, it would be very depressed and wondering if it were going blind. Suddenly, the camera zooms in a bit as it focuses more on the city. A voice can be heard….*

<^><^>

*exhales* I…..am a psycho….according to various people, including my psychiatrist, at least. I don’t think so…I’m really a good guy once you get to know me…

*The camera then is lifted and turned around as it now faces what appears to be a black mask. A black mask with a freakish-looking green design, made out the more brighter thanks to the night vision. The masked man tilts his head to the right*

<^><^>

Hi. The name’s Psycho Dragon, or just “PsyDrag” for short. How do you do?

*Still holding the camera, PsyDrag turns around and proceeds to starting walking deeper into the alley he was filming in*

<^>PSYCHO DRAGON<^>

You see, people look at me and judge me. They think of me as mad….Now, granted, I’ve done some very crazy crap in my life, but does that automatically mean I’m “mad” in that type of context? Technically, no, but that doesn’t stop them from --- OOUUFF!!

*PsyDrag can be seen tripping over something as the camera falls with him and lands on a side, as it now shows the events in a semi upside-down angle. Growling in anger, PsyDrag gets to a kneeling position and turns his attention to the thing he tripped over: An old, wide-eyed bum. Cursing under his breath, PsyDrag gets up and starts to kick and scream at the bum*

<^>PSYCHO DRAGON<^>

WATCH WHERE YOU’RE SLEEPING, YOU OLD FART!! WHY SLEEP RIGHT WHERE PEOPLE WALK?! I COULD’VE BROKEN MY ANKLE OR SOMETHING!!

<^>BUM WHO SHALL NOT BE NAMED<^>

B-But youse was the ones not payin’ attentin’--

*PsyDrag then grabs the bum by his neck and starts throttling him*

<^>PSYCHO DRAGON<^>

SAY THAT TO MY FACE, YOU SON OF A BI--

*The camera then cuts to static momentarily and then shows PsyDrag, now calmer and in another part of the alley, facing the camera*

<^>PSYCHO DRAGON<^>

*clears throat* I…I-uh--I apologize for that..uh…slight mishap.. Won’t happen again….Now….*rubs chin*….Lemme get this straight…..I’m in a Triple Threat match against…..*pauses briefly* Hang on one sec…

*PsyDrag reaches into the back pocket of his denim jeans with his free hand and pulls out a half-folded/half-crumbled piece of paper. He casually unfolds it and looks at the contents of said piece of paper*

<^>PSYCHO DRAGON<^>

I’m facing two guys by the names of……*scratches head*….Nahallallac - O - Ynnad? ….That sounds like a retarded Jack-O-Lantern…..And, who else? Enrothwah Nolyaw? Who in the Hell would---

*PsyDrag then notices something very……peculiar about the paper he’s holding*

<^>PSYCHO DRAGON<^>

Oh….

*He then flips the piece of paper around and looks at it a bit more carefully*

<^>PSYCHO DRAGON<^>

…..Danny O’Callahan and Waylon Hawthrone……*rubs temple*….I feel ssooo stupid…..*snaps his finger and points upwards* BBUUTT!! BUT, there’s comfort to be taken from this……Your names are still stupid. Seriously, guys, did your parents, like, pick random names out of a hat when you guys were born or something? Did they lose a bet? I could think of better names in my sleep, guys! No, no, I’m not kidding, ask anyone I know and they’ll tell you the same thing!

*PsyDrag crumbles the paper and stuffs it back into his pocket as he starts walking forward*

<^>PSYCHO DRAGON<^>

Now, while I’m talking about you two numb-nuts, I want to give my two cents on a rather pressing subject…..*points to his mask*….This. My mask; my precious, beautiful mask! Like, I’m a new guy looking to cause all sorts of mayhem, and my mask is the only subject either one of you two could come up with? Really? Were you two seriously THAT desperate for dissing material? I’d like to give a couple counterpoints: One; Old Man Hawthorne, in response to your senile ravings and rantings, I’m not, keyword being “NOT”, wearing this mask to serve as a racial stereotype. Never have, never will. You may be stuck in the past, babbling about how back in your day, white guys wrestled in masks, and to that, I say “And?” Certain wrestlers have ALWAYS worn masks. No need to go all “Captain Obvious” on us, Old Timer, sit back down before you hurt yourself and let us whippersnappers come to our own conclusions and stop wasting everyone’s time! As much as you don’t wanna admit it, Mr. Scrooge, we’re not exactly in the Stone Age anymore. Raping women is illegal and both that and inbreeding are heavily frowned upon in most places… I know what you’re probably thinking by now: You’re thinking what flavor Jello you’re getting today and where in the sam-hill are those dad-gum dentures… *snickers*….You know, I think it’s pretty funny how you think you’ve “still got it” in the ring. That is how I know you’re crazy. Someone like yourself should consider it a freaking miracle if you’re able to go a day without having to wear Depends. …

….You see, man, you’re a lot like that rat over there……Wait, what?

*PsyDrag freezes almost instantly as those words escape his lips. His head and the camera turns to see something rustling around in the trash-infested alley. A brown (or, since it’s night-vision, gray), medium-sized rat poke it’s head out of the trash. It smells the air and makes a squeaking noise. The camera begins to shake and then shoots upward, facing the starry sky*


<^>PSYCHO DRAGON<^>

EEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKK!!!

*PsyDrag then wildly fails his arms around as he runs away from the rat as if he’d seen a ghost, all the while screaming like a little girl who just saw a commercial for Twilight*

<^>PSYCHO DRAGON<^>

RRRRAAATTTTT!!! RRRRRAAAAAATTTT!! RRRRRAAAAAATTTTT!!! RRRRRRAAAA---

*The camera cuts to static again. It then cuts to show PsyDrag sitting on some park bench, frantically looking left and right for something as he shudders loudly*

<^>PSYCHO DRAGON<^>

*shakes fist*…..That damn rat better not have followed me, I swear to god….

*PsyDrag looks for the rat for a few more moments before sharply spinning around and placing the camera on the bench as he points it at himself before he kneels down onto the grass*

<^>PSYCHO DRAGON<^>

*irritated* Ookkaayyy…..Now that I have that…..distraction outta the way….Okay, where was I? Old man….Stone Age…..and Depends, right? Great, now I’m going to retort on the claims you made about why I wear this mask, Patches O’ Hoolihan--Er, Danny O’Callahan---There, I got right that time, me boy! Top o’ the morning to ya’, laddy!

*PsyDrag quickly shuffles his body as to where he’s now sitting in the Indian-style, with his legs crossed*

<^>PSYCHO DRAGON<^>

Now, Danny Boy, you suggested that…*gasps mockingly*…I wear the mask cause I’m ugly! That’s not true at all, man! In actuality, I happen to be quite handsome! Well…..Actually, now that I think about it, that’s a bit of a moot-point as just about everything is handsome compared to you! A leper’s more handsome than you….A praying mantis…..An infected wound…..Garbage……Even the crap I flush down my toilet has more sex appeal than you! You’re the Hunchback Of Notre Dame to my Brad Pitt! The Cherry Coke to my Barq’s Root Beer!

Now, Mr. Callay Wallay, I’ve heard about you……You’ve had a really fun childhood from what people have told me…… *points and laughs at the camera* LLOOOSSSEEEERRRR!!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! You mama’s a nutcase and your daddy’s WORM-FOOD!! WORM-FOOD!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

*PsyDrag then starts to roll around, holding his sides*

<^>PSYCHO DRAGON<^>

HAHAHAHAHAHA!! Oh, Jesus!! Imagine how Christmas must’ve been like for you!! Your crazy mama probably digs up your daddy’s corpse and dresses it like Santa Clause while she unwraps the presents with the razors she cuts herself with!! HAHAHAHA!! She --sh---she--she probably rounds up all the other loonies and--- has them sing Christmas carols while she cooks up the dinner that consists of stray kittens and old, worn down boots! BOOTS, I say! AHAHAHAHAHAHA!! *motions his fingers around like a maestro* “Tis the season to be CRAZY, Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-LLLAAA!!” BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! Maybe I should stop by this year and help carve the FOOTBALL for her!!

*PsyDrag doubles over and begins to cough, he’s laughing so hard. He tries to stop, but he can’t help it. He rolls around on the ground, jumping back-and-forth between coughing and laughing and laughing hysterically for a couple good minutes. After a few more moments, PsyDrag begins to get his composure back in line. He manages to prop himself up against the bench, deeply inhaling and exhaling, whilst the occasional giggle escapes. He looks at the camera and chuckles*

<^>PSYCHO DRAGON<^>

*between breaths* Okay…..Okay…….Okay….

*PsyDrag reaches for the camera and holds it close to him as he tilts his head*

<^>PSYCHO DRAGON<^>

This is too much….*chuckles*….Even for me, this is too much….But, don’t worry, Old Man Hawthorne and Danny Boy, good ol’ Psycho Dragon will be paying you both a visit rreaall soon…..So, yeah….You two suck and I’m going to beat you two to death with your own arms. Yeah, that’s physically possible….And to those who see me and judge me as “Mad”…..You’ll be in the right; You see, there is indeed a method to my madness…..*a goofy grin forms between the mask* I just haven’t decided what that is yet! So, until then, guys, I bid the both of thee adieu…..Halifax, hhhhheerrrreeeeessssss PSYCHY!!

*PsyDrag then is seen reaching for a button and the camera shuts off as it’s screen becomes a black void*

~FIN~