Post by "The Geriatric One" on Jul 23, 2010 17:17:45 GMT -6
(Hawthorne and Rory approach the arena in Halifax. They walk up to the back door, but are confronted by Rory's dad Horatio.)
RORY: Dad, what are you doing here?
HORATIO: Gee I don't know, maybe I'm here to pick up my underage son who ran off with his clinically insane Grandfather and doesn't bother to call me.
HAWTHORNE: I resent that. I was only proven insane by two clinics, the third one only declared me a danger to myself and others, there was no mention of Insanity.
HORATIO: It doesn't matter, all that matters is that Rory comes home with me now.
RORY: No way, I'm not going home with you. I want to stay with Grandpa.
HORATIO: Look Rory, I told your mother that you were at summer camp, if I don't have you home in 1 week it's really going to damage me in the custody battle.
RORY: Well, I'm having a great time with Grandpa. We went to a bar, we knocked out Gordon Lightfoot, and I got to meet Justin Shaw from Watch Out.
(Hawthorne and Horatio both smack Rory at the same time. They both speak in unison.)
HAWTHORNE AND HORATIO: I told you not to talk about that pansy.
(Hawthorne and Horatio exchange a look. Hawthorne looks at Rory.)]
HAWTHORNE: Rory, why don't you go inside. There's a TV in the dressing room.
RORY: Great, Justin Bieber is going to be on Much Music.
(Hawthorne and Horatio both cringe.)
HORATIO: Why would you let him hang around that sissy Teen Throb. Lord knows that boy needs to manned up more. He needs a positive role model, not another hip swiveling sissy.
HAWTHORNE: Son, I have never been prouder of you than I am at this moment.
HORATIO: You never have been proud of me before.
HAWTHORNE: I never said there were many moments to choose from, but that's not important. What's important is that for the first time in your disappointing and pathetic life you have said something that makes sense. For the last month I have listened to that boy defend immigrants, homosexuals, enviromentalists, and women. To top it all off I discovered that he has the music tastes of a prepubescent girl.
HORATIO: I know, I have tried to man him up, but it just isn't working.
HAWTHORNE: Well, truthfully son, you are far from qualified to man someone up. Remember the time I found you putting on your mothers make up.
HORATIO: Yeah, I couldn't sit down for weeks. You gave me a lickin that kept on tickin'
HAWTHORNE: Darn right. My point is, I think I'm making ground with the boy. Just yesterday I caught him drooling over a picture of Lady Gaga in a magazine. Now granted, she's clearly a hermaphodite, but at least she tries to look like a woman. I think I just might be able to toughen the little wuss up. I just need a little more time.
HORATIO: How long do you need?
(Hawthorne looks into the window where he sees Rory dancing to a Justin Bieber video.)
HAWTHORNE: Better give me the rest of the summer.
(Horatio thinks about it.)
HORATIO: Ok, you've got to the end of summer, but if you can't pull this off I'm putting you back in the home.
(Horatio walks away. Hawthorne walks into the arena, but gets stopped by Travis Malloy. Travis pulls out a mic.)
TRAVIS: Mr. Hawthorne, can I get an interview for SWA.com.
(Hawthorne slaps Malloy twice across the face.)
TRAVIS: Ouch, what was that for.
HAWTHORNE: The first one was for being a sissy, the second one... well that was just for the fun of it. Go ahead do your interview.
TRAVIS: Ok, can I get your thoughts on your upcoming triple threat match with Psycho Dragon, and Danny O'Callahan.
HAWTHORNE: What;s to say really. Just another match that pits me against more of these darn kids. I already whooped O'Callahan like a redheaded Grandson. I don't know what that little mick criminal thinks he can stand toe to toe with me again. He keeps talking about how tough he is, but I've yet to see it. I may be an old war horse, but I still got it. I can still dance the hoochie coochie better than anyone else. I can still fill my dance card at the old folks boogie, and my foot may be arthritic, but I can still kick it straight up your keister young man. As for Psycho Dragon... who is Psycho Dragon?
TRAVIS: He is SWA's latest contrct signing. He's a quirky masked man.
HAWTHORNE: A masked man. Back in my day men would only wear masks in the ring if they were impersonating another race. If you wanted a Japanese wrestler, but only had a bunch of white guys, you'd stick a mask on the shortest guy around and call him Kato. Of course now we have immigration, thank you very much Pierre Trudeau. So now there's no need for a mask. I don't know anything about this kid, but I'm sure he's just like the rest. Just another brat who never got turned over someone's knee. I'm gonna give that kid a lesson in discipline. I'm gonna break out the wooden spoon and raise a welt to be proud of.
TRAVIS: Psycho Dragon may have something to say about that.
HAWTHORNE: Then I would welcome his response, but I'm guessing you won't get it. I'm sure that as soon as he realized he's up against The Geriatric One he tucked tail and ran. O'Callahan should do the same thing, but his kind have never been known much for their brains. I guarantee this Travis, at the end of the night The Geriatric One will be the one with his hand raised.
(Hawthorne walks away. He enters the dressing room where Rory is dancing to the sounds of Justin Bieber. Hawthorne hangs his head in frustration.)
RORY: Dad, what are you doing here?
HORATIO: Gee I don't know, maybe I'm here to pick up my underage son who ran off with his clinically insane Grandfather and doesn't bother to call me.
HAWTHORNE: I resent that. I was only proven insane by two clinics, the third one only declared me a danger to myself and others, there was no mention of Insanity.
HORATIO: It doesn't matter, all that matters is that Rory comes home with me now.
RORY: No way, I'm not going home with you. I want to stay with Grandpa.
HORATIO: Look Rory, I told your mother that you were at summer camp, if I don't have you home in 1 week it's really going to damage me in the custody battle.
RORY: Well, I'm having a great time with Grandpa. We went to a bar, we knocked out Gordon Lightfoot, and I got to meet Justin Shaw from Watch Out.
(Hawthorne and Horatio both smack Rory at the same time. They both speak in unison.)
HAWTHORNE AND HORATIO: I told you not to talk about that pansy.
(Hawthorne and Horatio exchange a look. Hawthorne looks at Rory.)]
HAWTHORNE: Rory, why don't you go inside. There's a TV in the dressing room.
RORY: Great, Justin Bieber is going to be on Much Music.
(Hawthorne and Horatio both cringe.)
HORATIO: Why would you let him hang around that sissy Teen Throb. Lord knows that boy needs to manned up more. He needs a positive role model, not another hip swiveling sissy.
HAWTHORNE: Son, I have never been prouder of you than I am at this moment.
HORATIO: You never have been proud of me before.
HAWTHORNE: I never said there were many moments to choose from, but that's not important. What's important is that for the first time in your disappointing and pathetic life you have said something that makes sense. For the last month I have listened to that boy defend immigrants, homosexuals, enviromentalists, and women. To top it all off I discovered that he has the music tastes of a prepubescent girl.
HORATIO: I know, I have tried to man him up, but it just isn't working.
HAWTHORNE: Well, truthfully son, you are far from qualified to man someone up. Remember the time I found you putting on your mothers make up.
HORATIO: Yeah, I couldn't sit down for weeks. You gave me a lickin that kept on tickin'
HAWTHORNE: Darn right. My point is, I think I'm making ground with the boy. Just yesterday I caught him drooling over a picture of Lady Gaga in a magazine. Now granted, she's clearly a hermaphodite, but at least she tries to look like a woman. I think I just might be able to toughen the little wuss up. I just need a little more time.
HORATIO: How long do you need?
(Hawthorne looks into the window where he sees Rory dancing to a Justin Bieber video.)
HAWTHORNE: Better give me the rest of the summer.
(Horatio thinks about it.)
HORATIO: Ok, you've got to the end of summer, but if you can't pull this off I'm putting you back in the home.
(Horatio walks away. Hawthorne walks into the arena, but gets stopped by Travis Malloy. Travis pulls out a mic.)
TRAVIS: Mr. Hawthorne, can I get an interview for SWA.com.
(Hawthorne slaps Malloy twice across the face.)
TRAVIS: Ouch, what was that for.
HAWTHORNE: The first one was for being a sissy, the second one... well that was just for the fun of it. Go ahead do your interview.
TRAVIS: Ok, can I get your thoughts on your upcoming triple threat match with Psycho Dragon, and Danny O'Callahan.
HAWTHORNE: What;s to say really. Just another match that pits me against more of these darn kids. I already whooped O'Callahan like a redheaded Grandson. I don't know what that little mick criminal thinks he can stand toe to toe with me again. He keeps talking about how tough he is, but I've yet to see it. I may be an old war horse, but I still got it. I can still dance the hoochie coochie better than anyone else. I can still fill my dance card at the old folks boogie, and my foot may be arthritic, but I can still kick it straight up your keister young man. As for Psycho Dragon... who is Psycho Dragon?
TRAVIS: He is SWA's latest contrct signing. He's a quirky masked man.
HAWTHORNE: A masked man. Back in my day men would only wear masks in the ring if they were impersonating another race. If you wanted a Japanese wrestler, but only had a bunch of white guys, you'd stick a mask on the shortest guy around and call him Kato. Of course now we have immigration, thank you very much Pierre Trudeau. So now there's no need for a mask. I don't know anything about this kid, but I'm sure he's just like the rest. Just another brat who never got turned over someone's knee. I'm gonna give that kid a lesson in discipline. I'm gonna break out the wooden spoon and raise a welt to be proud of.
TRAVIS: Psycho Dragon may have something to say about that.
HAWTHORNE: Then I would welcome his response, but I'm guessing you won't get it. I'm sure that as soon as he realized he's up against The Geriatric One he tucked tail and ran. O'Callahan should do the same thing, but his kind have never been known much for their brains. I guarantee this Travis, at the end of the night The Geriatric One will be the one with his hand raised.
(Hawthorne walks away. He enters the dressing room where Rory is dancing to the sounds of Justin Bieber. Hawthorne hangs his head in frustration.)
