Post by Captain Insanity on Jun 12, 2010 2:03:19 GMT -6
Toronto Canada
06/08/10
- Captain Insanity pushes open the door to the small liquor, the overhead bell clanging. The store clerk glances up at Insanity then back down to the newspaper on the counter. Insanity picks up a basket and wonders the aisles. Eventually he stops in front off the Gin collection. After a few moments of decision, Insanity scoops nearly the entire collection of airplane sized bottles off the shelf and into his basket.
Insanity makes his way to the cash register, the clerk behind the counter gives him a suspicious glance as he starts to ring up the purchase. The clerk rings up the last bottle and reaches under the counter. -
Clerk: Paper or Plastic?
CI: Paper.
- Insanity pulls his wallet out of his pocket and tosses some crumpled bills on the counter as the clerk puts the last few tiny bottles into the bag.
Insanity snatches the last bottle from the clerk before it makes it into the bag. Insanity opens the bottle and tosses back the contents before leaving the store with his bag of Gin.
Meanwhile, Across town....
- Got Milk? huddles excitedly outside of a community centre, attempting to blend in and be less noticeable. A group of pre-teen girls and their mothers enter the building as Got Milk? pull on ski masks over top of the cow costume.
The two men in ski masks and cow costumes burst through the building doors, moo'ing loudly as they charge the stage. The crowd begins to panic and run about.
Upon Got Milk? begins to assault an unnamed boy band. One of the members of Got Milk? tosses a back up singer into the loudspeaker while the other member of Got Milk? slams another backup singer through a table of mixing equipment. Got Milk? turns their attention to the lead singer who is backing away, swinging the microphone stand in defense. Got Milk? tackle the lead singer to the stage and begin to stomp and kick at him as he lays in the fetal position. Got Milk? pulls the lead singer to his feet and sends him crashing to the floor in front of the stage with a two-man choke slam.
The band members lay writhing in pain as Got Milk? high-fives each other and takes off out off the building, moo'ing with excitement and pleasure.
Later that day....
- Insanity sits in the waiting room of his doctor's office, the half empty bag of gin sitting on the seat next to him. A tickel of blood runs down his forehead from the gash caused by last weeks sneak attack. Insanity opens a bottle of gin and the receptionist frowns at him but doesn't say anything. Insanity finishes the bottle in two sips. He notices the news flash on the TV in the corner.-
News Reporter: Earlier today, Look Out; a cover band for once popular group Watch Out was viciously attacked while performing. Police reports say the attackers were two large men wearing ski masks and ... cow costumes. I don't believe it.
- The news cast then shows amateur footage off Got Milk?s attack on the cover band. -
News Reporter: If you have any information that may assist in helping police identify these men, please call your local precinct or crime stoppers.
- Insanity groans and downs another two bottles. The doctor appears in a doorway and motions for Insanity to follow him.
Insanity enters the exam room and sits in the table.
Dr: What can I do for you today?
CI: I need you to double up these stitches so I can make Saturday Night Fever this week.
Dr: I don't think that's such a good idea.
CI: Just do it! I'm sick of hearing about the risks. There's no reward without risk and this weeks reward is too big to ignore.
- The doctor walks over to a supply cupboard and removes the needed supplies to stitch the wound closed. Insanity opens another bottle of Gin. -
*********
CI: Last week Teen Throb and his merry band of homosexuals got the jump on me and effectively took me out of the match and those two bumbling idiots Got Milk? might have caused more pain to themselves than Teen Throb but it doesn't change the fact that I'm still here, still standing and ready for more.
This week I don't get to face Teen Throb, at least not right way. First I have to welcome Jacob St. Depardieu to SWA and what better way to welcome him than by showing him why I'm an Extreme Combat legend. You might have seen a lot in your past life, but none of that matters here. What matters is your ability back up the bullshit you spread around. This week you're given a chance most rookies and newcomers dream of, a chance to become an instant contender for the World Title. Sadly, for you the odds are against you. You're driven by the desire to climb the ladder of success and championship gold, while I on the other hand am driven by much more. A victory over you Depardieu not only gets me one step closer to a title shot but more importantly it gets me closer to a facing Teen Throb in the ring again. Like many have said in the past and many more will say in the future; you're merely a stepping stone, a means to an end.
While I know absolutely nothing about you, I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume that your quietness is because you're taking the time to study and learn from the veterans of the company, the ones that made this place what it is, so that you can have this chance to come here and contend for a chance at championship gold. There is a possibility that your quietness stems from the fact that you may have simply realized you're not cut out for the SWA and you've already packed it up and went home. Trust me, you'll be safer watching from the couch.
A triple threat match for the number one contenders spot for a title I really have no desire for; some may wonder why I'd even bother with the World Title and becoming #1 contender. I'd have to tell those people to look back at Spring Breakdown. Becoming #1 contender for the World Title will give me leverage for obtaining what is rightfully mine and that's the Extreme Combat Title.
This week I'm predicting to find myself in facing off against Old Man Hawthorne and hopefully Teen Throb, but most likely Van Der Kamp. Gentlemen, I hope you're ready for a fight because I'm hell bent on ending this losing streak.
