Post by Teen Throb on May 15, 2010 8:58:44 GMT -6
{--Flight 128 from Lincoln to Fargo is on landing approach. Teen Throb is belted in for the landing. His fat cousin Fletch Baxter squeezes in next to him struggling with his seat belt. --}
TT- Couldn't you have booked an extra seat for your extra pounds? Your flab is pinning me to the window here.
Fletch- Shut up. Just help me get this thing on before we land.
{-- Teen Throb and Fletch both tug on the ends of the belt. After much struggle and much sweating they finally get it around his gut. Teen Throb and Fletch catch their breath as the final landing takes place. The plane touches down and they unbuckle their belts. --}
TT- This is it Fletch. My homecoming.
Fletch- What are we in Grand Forks?
TT- Nope. Fargo. My homecoming.
Fletch- But you're not from Grand Forks. You're from Fargo.
TT- It's the same thing really.
Fletch- But it's not the same thing. They're different cities all together.
TT- I said it's the same thing so just shut up about it already. This is my homecoming. Got it? Got it?
Fletch- Okay. Happy.... homecoming?
TT- Oh thank you! Yeah... it's been a while. After these long road trips it's always good to come home. There's no place like home. Home is where the heart is. Home sweet home. Life's a voyage that's homeward bound. A house is not a home, for my home is my people. Just home, home on the range.
Fletch- Don't you ever shut up?
TT- Sorry. Just good to be home.
{-- The stuartess guides Teen Throb and Fletch out of their seats and off the plane. Fletch lumbers his way through the tunnel and into the airport lobby. Teen Throb is right behind him with arms stretched out in a welcoming gesture. He steps into the lobby. --}}
TT- Greetings my peeps.
{-- Not a sounds from the terminal. Teen Throb looks shocked that none of his adoring fans have come to greet him home. --}
TT- Hey Fletch where are my peeps?
Fletch- Probably at home... in FARGO.
TT- Everywhere I go there's always someone to greet me. With screams of joy. Tears. Cheers. Flying panties.
Fletch- Wads of spit. Cursing and insults. Laughing and ridculing.
TT- Don't be silly. People love and desire me. Especially here at home. But look Fletch. Not a person in sight.
{-- Fletch at first shrugs this off but upon a closer look he does seem a little suspicious. He checks out the lobby, then further into the terminal. --}
Fletch- I usually don't like to agree with you but it does seem a little odd that nobody's here.
TT- I know. My fans have deserted me.
Fletch- Forget about your fans. I don't see counter workers. No ticket takers either. Where's the janitors. There's nobody here.
TT- You're right. Just like that episode of the Twilight Zone where the guy finds everyone missing.
Fletch- Was that an episode of The Twilight Zone?
TT- I think all the episodes were about that.
Fletch- No. I know what this is like. That Steven King story the Langoliers. They're on the plane and notice almost everyone disappeared. They land the airplane and find everyone gone. It turns out they're back in time a few minutes and a hideous race of creatures called the Langoliers are coming to eat away all of history and existence with their razer sharp teeth.
TT- You're right.
{-- Fletch goes back to reading his newspaper. --}
TT- You don't think the Langoliers are coming to get us, do you?
{-- Fletch rolls his eyes and keeps reading. The pilot and all the stuartess run across the terminal. A whoosh of air hits Teen Throb as they pass him. The co-pilot turns around while running and says something to Teen Throb. --}
Co-pilot- Come on guys. There's a killer clown offering $25,000 to anyone who will kill some dweeb named Skippy!
{-- A lightbulb goes off in Teen Throb's head. --}
TT- That's it Fletch. That's why nobody is here. Kiljoy made that offer for anyone to kill Skippy. All of Fargo must be out trying to kill him so they can collect the money. That's just like Kiljoy. He's always been like this. He doesn't care about anyone except for himself. The nerve of him to put a bounty on Skippy's head just so he can steal all my loving Fargo fans away from my arrival at the airport. It's all been his scheme from day one.
Fletch- I highly doubt he did all this just to steal your fans away from you.
TT- Trust me I know this Kiljoy better than you do. We go way back. This is my main event, I won't let him steal all the fans away from me for that too. I need to put the fans back in their seats so they can see me pin that crazy clown for the 3 count. There's only one thing we can do to put an end to this.
Fletch- Please say go for lunch. Please say go for lunch.
TT- No. We're going to kill Skippy ourselves. That way we rid the fans of this horrible distraction, plus we collect the $25,000. I have no problems with taking Kiljoy's money before I take his pride. First things first. We need a weapon.
{-- Teen Throb and Fletch are in the alley behind a mini mall. There's a guy opening up the back of his Dodge Caravan to reveal a stockpile of black market guns. --}
Fletch- Are you sure we can trust this guy?
TT- Roy here used to be one of our bodyguards back in the hayday of Watch Out's fame. He kept many fat chicks from storming our hotel rooms. I trust him with my life. So Roy I want the best gun to shoot a clown with.
Fletch- No! You're not shooting Kiljoy. You're shooting Skippy.
TT- Oh right. That would have been a big blunder. So I need the best gun to shoot a dweeby 1977 reject with. And if you have a gun that can do both, also one...
{-- Teen Throb looks around to see if anyone is listening. He moves in close to Roy and whispers this next part. --}
TT- For Langoliers.
Roy- Got it. This is just the weapon here for you. It's the Smythe and Whistle 499 automatic. This gun here will blast that dweeb all the way back to 1977 with one smooth squeeze of the trigger. In the event of a Langolier attack it can also be just as effective, albeit with a few more shots fired. You don't want to take any chances when those nasty time eaters are on your tail. Because we're old friends, and because I believe in you, I'll give this to you at a 25% discount. That's only $549.95 if you act today.
{-- Fletch tries to say something but it's too late. Teen Throb is ripping bills out of his wallet and handing it over to Roy. They make the exchange and Roy gives Teen Throb the gun. He closes up his van and climbs into the driver seat. --}
Roy- Pleasure doing business with you.
TT- You too Roy. Take care.
{-- Roy starts the van and starts to drive away. --}
Fletch- I don't want to alarm you cousin, but I thought I should point out that real guns usually aren't mad of plastic. They also don't have GI Joe stickers for decal. I know they don't make water sloshing noises when you move them.
{-- Teen Throb examines the gun closer and hears the water sloshing. He pulls the trigger and a stream of water shoots out of it. Roy is laughing as he drives away. --}
TT- Roy you snake! Oh this is just perfect. Just perfect. $549.95 down the drain. That was my manicure money. None of this would have happened if Kiljoy wasn't so selfish. I can't let him go on like this. His obsession with Skippy is stealing all the attention away from more important things like my rock solid abs and flawless complexion. I say we forget about the bounty on Skippy's life. We turn this thing around and make Kiljoy sorry he ever came back to SWA. I'm back in the headlining slot. This main event is mine.
Fletch- You don't really need that gun anymore.
TT- Oh contrare. We'll fill it with some bleach and bring it to the match tonight. Might as well make the best of being ripped off.
TT- Couldn't you have booked an extra seat for your extra pounds? Your flab is pinning me to the window here.
Fletch- Shut up. Just help me get this thing on before we land.
{-- Teen Throb and Fletch both tug on the ends of the belt. After much struggle and much sweating they finally get it around his gut. Teen Throb and Fletch catch their breath as the final landing takes place. The plane touches down and they unbuckle their belts. --}
TT- This is it Fletch. My homecoming.
Fletch- What are we in Grand Forks?
TT- Nope. Fargo. My homecoming.
Fletch- But you're not from Grand Forks. You're from Fargo.
TT- It's the same thing really.
Fletch- But it's not the same thing. They're different cities all together.
TT- I said it's the same thing so just shut up about it already. This is my homecoming. Got it? Got it?
Fletch- Okay. Happy.... homecoming?
TT- Oh thank you! Yeah... it's been a while. After these long road trips it's always good to come home. There's no place like home. Home is where the heart is. Home sweet home. Life's a voyage that's homeward bound. A house is not a home, for my home is my people. Just home, home on the range.
Fletch- Don't you ever shut up?
TT- Sorry. Just good to be home.
{-- The stuartess guides Teen Throb and Fletch out of their seats and off the plane. Fletch lumbers his way through the tunnel and into the airport lobby. Teen Throb is right behind him with arms stretched out in a welcoming gesture. He steps into the lobby. --}}
TT- Greetings my peeps.
{-- Not a sounds from the terminal. Teen Throb looks shocked that none of his adoring fans have come to greet him home. --}
TT- Hey Fletch where are my peeps?
Fletch- Probably at home... in FARGO.
TT- Everywhere I go there's always someone to greet me. With screams of joy. Tears. Cheers. Flying panties.
Fletch- Wads of spit. Cursing and insults. Laughing and ridculing.
TT- Don't be silly. People love and desire me. Especially here at home. But look Fletch. Not a person in sight.
{-- Fletch at first shrugs this off but upon a closer look he does seem a little suspicious. He checks out the lobby, then further into the terminal. --}
Fletch- I usually don't like to agree with you but it does seem a little odd that nobody's here.
TT- I know. My fans have deserted me.
Fletch- Forget about your fans. I don't see counter workers. No ticket takers either. Where's the janitors. There's nobody here.
TT- You're right. Just like that episode of the Twilight Zone where the guy finds everyone missing.
Fletch- Was that an episode of The Twilight Zone?
TT- I think all the episodes were about that.
Fletch- No. I know what this is like. That Steven King story the Langoliers. They're on the plane and notice almost everyone disappeared. They land the airplane and find everyone gone. It turns out they're back in time a few minutes and a hideous race of creatures called the Langoliers are coming to eat away all of history and existence with their razer sharp teeth.
TT- You're right.
{-- Fletch goes back to reading his newspaper. --}
TT- You don't think the Langoliers are coming to get us, do you?
{-- Fletch rolls his eyes and keeps reading. The pilot and all the stuartess run across the terminal. A whoosh of air hits Teen Throb as they pass him. The co-pilot turns around while running and says something to Teen Throb. --}
Co-pilot- Come on guys. There's a killer clown offering $25,000 to anyone who will kill some dweeb named Skippy!
{-- A lightbulb goes off in Teen Throb's head. --}
TT- That's it Fletch. That's why nobody is here. Kiljoy made that offer for anyone to kill Skippy. All of Fargo must be out trying to kill him so they can collect the money. That's just like Kiljoy. He's always been like this. He doesn't care about anyone except for himself. The nerve of him to put a bounty on Skippy's head just so he can steal all my loving Fargo fans away from my arrival at the airport. It's all been his scheme from day one.
Fletch- I highly doubt he did all this just to steal your fans away from you.
TT- Trust me I know this Kiljoy better than you do. We go way back. This is my main event, I won't let him steal all the fans away from me for that too. I need to put the fans back in their seats so they can see me pin that crazy clown for the 3 count. There's only one thing we can do to put an end to this.
Fletch- Please say go for lunch. Please say go for lunch.
TT- No. We're going to kill Skippy ourselves. That way we rid the fans of this horrible distraction, plus we collect the $25,000. I have no problems with taking Kiljoy's money before I take his pride. First things first. We need a weapon.
{-- Teen Throb and Fletch are in the alley behind a mini mall. There's a guy opening up the back of his Dodge Caravan to reveal a stockpile of black market guns. --}
Fletch- Are you sure we can trust this guy?
TT- Roy here used to be one of our bodyguards back in the hayday of Watch Out's fame. He kept many fat chicks from storming our hotel rooms. I trust him with my life. So Roy I want the best gun to shoot a clown with.
Fletch- No! You're not shooting Kiljoy. You're shooting Skippy.
TT- Oh right. That would have been a big blunder. So I need the best gun to shoot a dweeby 1977 reject with. And if you have a gun that can do both, also one...
{-- Teen Throb looks around to see if anyone is listening. He moves in close to Roy and whispers this next part. --}
TT- For Langoliers.
Roy- Got it. This is just the weapon here for you. It's the Smythe and Whistle 499 automatic. This gun here will blast that dweeb all the way back to 1977 with one smooth squeeze of the trigger. In the event of a Langolier attack it can also be just as effective, albeit with a few more shots fired. You don't want to take any chances when those nasty time eaters are on your tail. Because we're old friends, and because I believe in you, I'll give this to you at a 25% discount. That's only $549.95 if you act today.
{-- Fletch tries to say something but it's too late. Teen Throb is ripping bills out of his wallet and handing it over to Roy. They make the exchange and Roy gives Teen Throb the gun. He closes up his van and climbs into the driver seat. --}
Roy- Pleasure doing business with you.
TT- You too Roy. Take care.
{-- Roy starts the van and starts to drive away. --}
Fletch- I don't want to alarm you cousin, but I thought I should point out that real guns usually aren't mad of plastic. They also don't have GI Joe stickers for decal. I know they don't make water sloshing noises when you move them.
{-- Teen Throb examines the gun closer and hears the water sloshing. He pulls the trigger and a stream of water shoots out of it. Roy is laughing as he drives away. --}
TT- Roy you snake! Oh this is just perfect. Just perfect. $549.95 down the drain. That was my manicure money. None of this would have happened if Kiljoy wasn't so selfish. I can't let him go on like this. His obsession with Skippy is stealing all the attention away from more important things like my rock solid abs and flawless complexion. I say we forget about the bounty on Skippy's life. We turn this thing around and make Kiljoy sorry he ever came back to SWA. I'm back in the headlining slot. This main event is mine.
Fletch- You don't really need that gun anymore.
TT- Oh contrare. We'll fill it with some bleach and bring it to the match tonight. Might as well make the best of being ripped off.