Post by "The Geriatric One" on May 14, 2010 21:54:58 GMT -6
(Hawthorne walks out of a hotel in Fargo, North Dakota. Travis Malloy chases him down in the parking lot.)
MALLOY: Grandpa, I mean Mr. Hawthorne, please don't go. I promise I won't tell you that I love you anymore.
HAWTHORNE: That's what you said last time.
MALLOY: But this time I mean it. Come on, if you don't want to play Parcheesi anymore, I have Monopoly, and Chutes and Ladders too.
HAWTHORNE: I kind of wanted to get out of the hotel for a while.
MALLOY: Great, we'll go out on the town together. I've never really gotten to see Fargo... besides we don't really have Far-Go... get it Fargo, Far to go. Did you catch my play on words there.
HAWTHORNE: Ughhh! Just shut up and get in the car.
MALLOY: Ok, but I'll drive. Last time you accidentally ran over that dog.
HAWTHORNE: Uh... yeah, accidentallt, that's right.
(Malloy hops in the car. Hawthorne reluctantly gets in the passenger seat. Malloy quickly backs out of the spot and starts driving through the parking lot at a reckless speed. He checks his pockets and seems like he lost something.)
MALLOY: Huh, I seem to have dropped my lucky rabbit's foot.
(The two men in white coats stand at the end of the parking lot.)
MALLOY: On, wait I just dropped it on the mat here. I'll just pick it up.
(Malloy takes his eyes off the road and reaches down. Hawthorne grabs the steering wheel and pulls it towards the men in white coats. The car hits both men and they go flying in the air. Malloy picks his head up and pulls out of the parking lot and onto the road.)
MALLOY: What was that?
HAWTHORNE: Just a speed bump.
MALLOY: Speed bump eh! Well good thing I found my lucky rabbit's foot. If I didn't have it, I probably would have hit a person or something.
HAWTHORNE: Yeah... good thing.
MALLOY: So, are you nervous about your match this Saturday against Van Der Kamp.
HAWTHORNE: Nervous? What do I have to be nervous about? I was putting the boots to punks like him before he was even a twinkle in his Pappy's eye dag nabbit.
MALLOY: Yeah, but he seems to be a pretty dangerous guy. He came within inches of winning the SWA Championship.
HAWTHORNE: Yeah, well I came within centimeters of winning the World Wrestling Federation Championship from Bob Backlund back in the days where Championships meant something. Nowadays anyone can just mosey there way through a tournament and get lucky enough to make it to the end. This Van Der Kamp guy couldn't even win his semi final match to make it to the finals. He had a draw. Draws are for sissies. Real men either win or lose.
MALLOY: Like you lost to Kiljoy... for the third time.
HAWTHORNE: Right, the clown... I'll manage to best that Stephen King psychopath yet. If I could just make it through the second half of It without falling asleep I will learn the secret to defeating him. Van Der Kamp is a different story though. I actually got managed to stay awake through 80% of The Bourne Identity so I know exactly how to defeat his kind.
MALLOY: How's that?
HAWTHORNE: Well, the trick is... I don't remember. How did that movie end again.
MALLOY: Bourne escapes the people who were chasing him and reunites with his girlfriend in an island paradise.
HAWTHORNE: What kind of stupid ending is that? This just won't do.
MALLOY: They made two other movies though.
HAWTHORNE: To the video store.
(Travis pulls into a nearby Blockbuster video. A few minutes later they walk out with two movies and 3 licorice whips.)
MALLOY: Gotta love licorice whips right Gramps.
HAWTHORNE: Don't test me boy.
(They drive back to the hotel. As they return an ambulance is taking away the unconcious men in white coats. They go up to the room and Hawthorne pops The Bourne Supremacy into the DVD player. He sits on the bed.)
HAWTHORNE: Ha, in these two movies lies the secret to defeating a man with amnesia. All I have to do is focus and.... ZZZZZZZZ!
(Hawthorne falls asleep. 4 hours later, Travis wakes him up as Moby's Extreme ways plays for the closing credits of The Bourne Ultimatum.)
MALLOY: Wow, gramps. You missed some great movies.
HAWTHORNE: What, I slept through the whole thing. Well how did it end?
MALLOY: Bourne gets shot and falls in the river.
HAWTHORNE: I knew it! So that's the key. Shooting him.
MALLOY: Actually no, he doesn't die. They make it look like he's dead, but really he's still alive and he swims away. Then all the people who were involved in the cover up get caught.
HAWTHORNE: So no one beats him.
MALLOY: Nope.
HAWTHORNE: Blast it. I just wasted 8 bucks on those movies and it didn't get me any closer to discovering the key to beating Van Der Kamp. I guess I'll just have to do it the old fashioned way. I will give him a bare knuckled brawl the likes of which he's never experienced before. I will beat him with my superior skills and my above average stamina and.... ZZZZZZ.
(Hawthorne falls asleep again. Malloy tucks him in and turns out the lights.)
MALLOY: Good night Grandpa!
MALLOY: Grandpa, I mean Mr. Hawthorne, please don't go. I promise I won't tell you that I love you anymore.
HAWTHORNE: That's what you said last time.
MALLOY: But this time I mean it. Come on, if you don't want to play Parcheesi anymore, I have Monopoly, and Chutes and Ladders too.
HAWTHORNE: I kind of wanted to get out of the hotel for a while.
MALLOY: Great, we'll go out on the town together. I've never really gotten to see Fargo... besides we don't really have Far-Go... get it Fargo, Far to go. Did you catch my play on words there.
HAWTHORNE: Ughhh! Just shut up and get in the car.
MALLOY: Ok, but I'll drive. Last time you accidentally ran over that dog.
HAWTHORNE: Uh... yeah, accidentallt, that's right.
(Malloy hops in the car. Hawthorne reluctantly gets in the passenger seat. Malloy quickly backs out of the spot and starts driving through the parking lot at a reckless speed. He checks his pockets and seems like he lost something.)
MALLOY: Huh, I seem to have dropped my lucky rabbit's foot.
(The two men in white coats stand at the end of the parking lot.)
MALLOY: On, wait I just dropped it on the mat here. I'll just pick it up.
(Malloy takes his eyes off the road and reaches down. Hawthorne grabs the steering wheel and pulls it towards the men in white coats. The car hits both men and they go flying in the air. Malloy picks his head up and pulls out of the parking lot and onto the road.)
MALLOY: What was that?
HAWTHORNE: Just a speed bump.
MALLOY: Speed bump eh! Well good thing I found my lucky rabbit's foot. If I didn't have it, I probably would have hit a person or something.
HAWTHORNE: Yeah... good thing.
MALLOY: So, are you nervous about your match this Saturday against Van Der Kamp.
HAWTHORNE: Nervous? What do I have to be nervous about? I was putting the boots to punks like him before he was even a twinkle in his Pappy's eye dag nabbit.
MALLOY: Yeah, but he seems to be a pretty dangerous guy. He came within inches of winning the SWA Championship.
HAWTHORNE: Yeah, well I came within centimeters of winning the World Wrestling Federation Championship from Bob Backlund back in the days where Championships meant something. Nowadays anyone can just mosey there way through a tournament and get lucky enough to make it to the end. This Van Der Kamp guy couldn't even win his semi final match to make it to the finals. He had a draw. Draws are for sissies. Real men either win or lose.
MALLOY: Like you lost to Kiljoy... for the third time.
HAWTHORNE: Right, the clown... I'll manage to best that Stephen King psychopath yet. If I could just make it through the second half of It without falling asleep I will learn the secret to defeating him. Van Der Kamp is a different story though. I actually got managed to stay awake through 80% of The Bourne Identity so I know exactly how to defeat his kind.
MALLOY: How's that?
HAWTHORNE: Well, the trick is... I don't remember. How did that movie end again.
MALLOY: Bourne escapes the people who were chasing him and reunites with his girlfriend in an island paradise.
HAWTHORNE: What kind of stupid ending is that? This just won't do.
MALLOY: They made two other movies though.
HAWTHORNE: To the video store.
(Travis pulls into a nearby Blockbuster video. A few minutes later they walk out with two movies and 3 licorice whips.)
MALLOY: Gotta love licorice whips right Gramps.
HAWTHORNE: Don't test me boy.
(They drive back to the hotel. As they return an ambulance is taking away the unconcious men in white coats. They go up to the room and Hawthorne pops The Bourne Supremacy into the DVD player. He sits on the bed.)
HAWTHORNE: Ha, in these two movies lies the secret to defeating a man with amnesia. All I have to do is focus and.... ZZZZZZZZ!
(Hawthorne falls asleep. 4 hours later, Travis wakes him up as Moby's Extreme ways plays for the closing credits of The Bourne Ultimatum.)
MALLOY: Wow, gramps. You missed some great movies.
HAWTHORNE: What, I slept through the whole thing. Well how did it end?
MALLOY: Bourne gets shot and falls in the river.
HAWTHORNE: I knew it! So that's the key. Shooting him.
MALLOY: Actually no, he doesn't die. They make it look like he's dead, but really he's still alive and he swims away. Then all the people who were involved in the cover up get caught.
HAWTHORNE: So no one beats him.
MALLOY: Nope.
HAWTHORNE: Blast it. I just wasted 8 bucks on those movies and it didn't get me any closer to discovering the key to beating Van Der Kamp. I guess I'll just have to do it the old fashioned way. I will give him a bare knuckled brawl the likes of which he's never experienced before. I will beat him with my superior skills and my above average stamina and.... ZZZZZZ.
(Hawthorne falls asleep again. Malloy tucks him in and turns out the lights.)
MALLOY: Good night Grandpa!
