Post by Sedition: The Rev on May 6, 2010 21:59:00 GMT -6
PRESENTS
Live from
LINCOLN, NEBRASKA, USA
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**SWA Owners and General Managers, The Rev and Gladiator, are backstage behind the entrance curtain with clipboards in hand. SWA roster members are all lined up against the wall in their gear. Referees are in the corner looking worried. Ring announcer Virgil is counting his change.**
REV: Tournament competitors.
GLADIATOR: Check.
REV: Referees dressed and ready.
GLADIATOR: Check.
REV: Charismatic ring announcer.
GLADIATOR: Check.
VIRGIL: I'm 2 Legit 2 Quit!!!
REV: Yes, we're all aware of that, Virgil. Commentators standing by.
**Gladiator looks around the backstage area. Joe Aiello and Skippy Mohophosite are nowhere to be seen.**
REV: Commentators? Where are Joe and Skippy?
GLADIATOR: Uh...... let me see here.
**Gladiator flips through pages on the clipboard.**
GLADIATOR: They're not here.
REV: Of course they're not. They're both too large to hide on a clipboard. The bigger issue is............ they're not HERE. We need to find our commentators on the double.
GLADIATOR: Right you are. I'll order the helicopters in to do an aerial search. Montacor and the monkey army will do a perimeter sweep. I'll set up HQ here. I'll need laptops, walkie talkies, heavy duty spotlights, sniper rifles, a case of C4, a case of Lipton Brisk Ice Tea, and the sheer speed and agility of the one and only Virgil.
VIRGIL: I'm 2 Legit 2 Quit!!!
REV: Or we can save a few bucks and you can start by searching the building on foot.
GLADIATOR: You got it!
**Gladiator gives an enthusiastic thumbs up and runs down the hall.**
REV: In the meantime I'll search the building for a suitable replacement team.
**At that very second, Marty Jannetty jumps in front of Rev's face dressed to impress in a spiffy tux, complete with neon green tassled arm bands around the sleeves.**
MARTY: I'm ready to serve my company, boss. Put me in. I won't let you down.
REV: Sorry, Marty. You're just not ready to carry a Pay Per View yet. Besides, we promised the local fans in our advertising that this would be a mullet free show.
**Rev hands a modified poster to Marty.**
**Marty sulks and walks away.**
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**Rev is now walking down the aisle looking left and right for a replacement commentator. The fans who are awaiting the show boo. Rev ignores this and keeps looking. He finds a very hyper man in the crowd, going from row to row selling t-shirts. Rev recognizes the man.**
REV: Hey, it's Ray Lyndon!
**It is indeed Ray Lyndon, former commentator for the SWA. He's carrying a box full of Virgil t-shirts and attempting to sell it to the crowd.**
RAY: T-shirts! Get your exclusive Virgil t-shirts here! Only 15,000 left in stock! Now you can wear the man who is 2 Legit 2 Quit on your chest everywhere you go! It's our Spring Breakdown special! $20 for a Virgil t-shirt!
REV: Hey, Ray!
**Ray Lyndon turns around and sees Rev on the other side of the barricade. He smiles and waves.**
REV: What are you doing?
RAY: Selling these awesome t-shirts for Virgil! He says now that he's making the big bucks on minimum wage working as an announcer, he can afford to sub contract the t-shirt selling to me for a handsome commission!
REV: Wanna step back behind the commentators desk for tonight?
RAY: That sounds like a spectacular idea! I'm in!
**Rev now looks around for a second commentator. He scans the crowd and assesses each person.
REV: Too old, too young, too fat, too anorexic, too metro, too Alan Thicke, too smelly and homeless, too............. wait a second. Smelly? Homeless? Can it be?
**An dirty bum dressed in ripped and tattered clothes walks up and down the aisles with an empty cup full of change. It's none other than former Academy Award nominee, former Vice Presidential Candidate of Gladiator's campaign, and former SWA commentator, Tom Berenger!!!**
TOM: Can you spare any change for a guy down on his luck?
REV: Tom Berenger!
TOM: Yeah? Hey, Rev! Hey you been?
REV: Not bad. How bout you?
TOM: I'm doing great. The salvation army here in Lincoln have the comfiest cots I've slept in in years.
REV: That's sad and depressing. Take care of that smell and get behind the commentators table with Ray. You guys are hosting.
TOM: Sounds like a plan my man. I apologize that I haven't showered or used deodorant since early April. I stole a couple of moist toilettes from Denny's that I can rub under my arms if that helps.
REV: Whatever. Just get behind the desk.
**Rev activates his watch communicator.**
REV: Rev to Gladiator. Rev to Gladiator. Suitable replacement commentators in place. Get back to me once you've located Joe and Skippy.
GLADIATOR: Roger dodger!
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(We cuts backstage where we see Michael Saint talking on his cell phone.)
Saint: Yeah I got this planned out. I am going to get my pay back in a big way tonight on these guys.
(He continues to walk before being confronted by Kryptochild.)
Saint: Listen I will call you back later...........I take it you are here to make sure I do not jack around with your new friends like last week.
Kryptochild: Not this time.
Saint: So you are making a social call.
Kryptochild: No I am serving as a distraction.
Saint: For who?
(We can see Kid Cannabis in the frame behind him.)
Kid Cannabis: For me
Saint: Looks like your plan backfired.
Kid Cannabis: I like it better this way really. You see Saint what you said last week it really got under my skin. I plan on going out and winning this tournament, but also this is going to be a big night for The Sedition. With Gabe and myself in the finals we can show our dominance over SWA. I can't have you ruining that for us.
(Kid Cannabis charges taking down Saint with a mounted punch the two men start to trade blows on the floor before a team of security comes to break it up. Both men are being held back.)
Saint: Get off me! I said get off me!
(After a bit the team lets both men go.)
Saint: Kid Cannabis you have provided me with an idea. You see I was going to force you to take on Gabe in round one making sure that an all Sedition finals would not happen, but after this I have a much simpler plan. Now despite what your bosses think I am still staff in SWA. You want to come out here and attack a staff member. That does not fly on my watch.
Kid Cannabis: What can you do about it?
Saint: Security escort this man out of the building and do not allow him to get back in.
Kid Cannabis: What about the tournament?
Saint: I guess you will no longer be able to compete in it. It is unfortunate that a great talent would waste an opportunity like that, but hey what can you do.
(Security takes away a screaming Kid Cannabis as Saint walks away with a laughing to himself and we see Kryptochild grinning in the distance.)
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**Gladiator is searching around the building as security drags Kid Cannabis out the back door. Gladiator watches as the guards escort him off the premises kicking and screaming.**[/color]
Gladiator: What's going on here?
Kid Cannabis: It's Saint. He just kicked me out of the tournament!
Gladiator: He kicked you out? What about our all Sedition finals? What about the master plan? He can't do this! He doesn't have the authority............. oh wait............. we gave him that authority........... he can.......
Kid Cannabis: That title was supposed to be mine! Get your hands off me!
Gladiator: We will avenge you, my friend! This night isn't over yet! We will avenge you!
**As Cannabis is tossed into a security van and driven away, Gladiator throws open the arena door and stomps in. He finds Michael Saint waiting by the door.**
Gladiator: That was a low blow. Don't mess with us, Saint.
Saint: I told you last week that I had plans for this tournament. I'm not about to let you and Rev dictate the fate of every person in this company like they're your pawns. You know this was coming. I'm going to see to it that this tournament goes fair and square.
Gladiator: We'll see. We'll see.
**Gladiator goes back outside to continue his search.**
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**Back inside the arena the fans are now impatient. A chant of “SWA! SWA! SWA!” continues over and over again. Ray Lyndon and Tom Berenger are sitting behind the commentators desk ready to start the show.**
RAY: It's been a long time, but it's great to be back! SWA's first Pay Per View event in many years! I'm Ray Lyndon, and I've had way too much coffee! Joining me once again is Tom Berenger, fresh from a healthy nights sleep at the Salvation Army homeless shelter!
TOM: Hearing this crowd chant, the fans roaring, the claps, the cheers, the whistles and screams. The electricity in this building. It all reminds me of one thing.
RAY: The last time we hosted an SWA event together?
TOM: Nope. It was the bottom of the 9th in Major League: Part 1. “Wild Thing” Ricky Vaughan had just thrown 3 back to back strikes. The Indians were up to bat, it was all up to me. I came to the plate, called my shot.......
RAY: We've heard this story a thousand times! Major League was 20 years ago. Time to move on. The good news is, The SWA Championship is up for grabs tonight! Last time the title was on the line, it was the historic slobberknocker between Sledjhamma and Scaramanga, which ended in both men being crowned champion! Now tonight, only one will claim the title. It could be just about anyone on the SWA roster. Anyone except for Kid Cannabis, who was supposed to be in our first match, but he has been expelled from the tournament by Michael Saint! What an unprecedented turn of events! Who's going to take his place?
TOM: I'm up for it. I've been wrestling chicken bones away from stray Rottweilers for years.
RAY: I'm sure you have, but SWA has real wrestlers ready to fill the spots. This is interesting, because coming into this event, nobody has any clue who they will be facing. Right now we're about to get our first look at how the tournament brackets will work out. Here it is for all the fans at home, and all the boys in the back.
RAY: Unbelievable!
TOM: Which part?
RAY: All of it!
TOM: I guess so.
RAY: With Kid Cannabis out, Gabreal Martin is the only Sedition member left in this tournament. Can he make it all the way to the finals? Teen Throb has been anxious to win a title in SWA. He's a veteran in this company, but he's also anxious to finally get revenge on Captain Insanity. The only way they'll face each other is if it's in the finals. Here's the first first round matchup!
Teen Throb -vs- Gabreal Martin
The lights in the arena go black as The Greatest Man Who Ever Lived (Variations On A Shaker Hymn) by Weezer plays on the PA. A spotlight is shown on Gabe as he walks to the ring. Gabe slides under the bottom rope and taunts the crowd as he waits for his opponent.
As the opening harmonies from Watch Out's song Babe You Know You Want Me begin, every man in the arena groans. The girls, at least those under the age of 30 all scream. Teen Throb's pretty ol' face flashes on the big screen and he dances down the aisle in traditional boy band fashion. Once entering the ring Teen Throb lip syncs his own lyrics and swivels his hips to please his fans.
TOM: If I could move like that I'd still be considered a hunk.
RAY: Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! The first round is about to begin!
The bell rings as Teen Throb and Gabreal lock up. Gabreal shoves Teen Throb back against the ropes and lands a quick elbow smash before whipping him across the ring. Teen Throb bounces off the opposite ropes and hits Gabreal with a short clothesline. Teen Throb lands a few punches before getting up. Teen Throb pulls Gabreal back up to his feet and delivers a belly-to-belly suplex. Teen Throb goes for a quick cover but Gabreal kicks out before the one count.
RAY: The tenacity is overwhelming! What a kickout!
TOM: Can't wait to see how excited you get with a 2 count.
Teen Throb whips Gabreal into the turnbuckle and charges in after him. Gabreal raise his leg in time and kicks Teen Throb in the face. Teen Throb stumbles back as Gabreal climbs to the second rope. Gabreal leaps off the ropes when Teen Throb comes back into range and hits a missile drop kick. Gabreal stomps away at Teen Throb as he tries to get back to his feet. The ref steps in and makes Gabreal let Teen Throb up. The two men lock up again and Gabreal knees Teen Throb and executes a DDT.Gabreal gets up and proceeds to stomp at Teen Throb again. Teen Throb rolls out of the way, avoiding a stomp to the head. Teen Throb gets to his feet and charges at Gabreal. Teen Throb knocks Gabreal into the corner and lays into him with a short series of lefts and rights. Teen Throb steps back and lands a hard chop across the chest of Gabreal. Teen Throb goes for a second chop but Gabreal counters with a poke to the eyes.
RAY: Dirty move by Gabreal Martin. Any man who resorts to eye pokes doesn't deserve to hold the SWA title.
TOM: What about Rat Fink, Scaramanga, Sledjhamma, Mahoney, Gavin Storm?
RAY: I stand corrected. Cheap shots is what this company was built on.
Teen Throb grabs his face and covers his eyes in pain. Gabreal whips Teen Throb into the ropes and takes him down with a drop toehold. Gabreal moves quickly to grab Teen Throbs leg, he drags him into the centre of the ring. Gabreal starts to set up for a leg lock but Teen Throb kicks free and gets back to his feet. Gabreal grabs Teen Throb and delivers a neck breaker. Gabreal bounces off the ropes and hits a running elbow drop before making the cover.
..1
...2
Teen Throb kicks out.
RAY: The two count! The two count!
Gabreal argues with the ref as Teen Throb gets up. He turns around as Teen Throb takes a swing, Gabreal ducks at the last moment and Teen Throb punches the ref in the face. The ref drops to the mat and Teen Throb looks down at him in shock. Gabreal kicks Teen Throb groin and hits a running DDT as Teen Throb doubles over in pain. Gabreal walks over to the turnbuckle and pulls off the padding. He picks Teen Throb up and whips him into the exposed turnbuckle. Gabreal hits the Shotgun Knee's, a running double knee attack to Teen Throb. Gabreal rouses the ref and makes the cover.
..1
...2
....3
RAY: Threeeeeeeee count!!!!!!!!!!!!
Winner: Gabreal Martin
RAY: Gabreal Martin has managed to get past the first round. He'll advance to the semi finals.
TOM: Take a moment. Catch your breath.
RAY: I don't know how I'm going to make it through the rest of the night with this kind of excitement.
TOM: I find the best way to relax is to find a nice park bench somewhere, roll up an old towel to put under your head, and take a nap.
RAY: With no park benches in this arena, I'll just switch to decaf for the next 2 and a half hours. So now we just wait and see who Gabreal will face. Unfortunate for Teen Throb there's no opportunity to take on Captain Insanity in this tournament. Their rivalry will have to be settled another day.
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**Gladiator is now in the basement of the arena. He shines a flashlight around the boiler room. Finding nothing, he moves on to the next area. After Gladiator leaves, two figures emerge out of the darkness. They light two torches and make their way behind some pipes. As the torches ignite their faces are visible. It's Joe Aiello and Marty Jannetty!**
JOE: I want to thank you for all your help, Marty. You're a good man.
MARTY: I think a man as devoted to his family as you deserves his freedom, Joe. Besides, with you free, Rev and Gladiator are sure to give me your job as head commentator. That is if they ever get over their mullet prejudice.
JOE: Never lose the mullet, my friend. Wear it like a badge of honor. Rock it like a Hurricane.
**Marty pulls back a sheet of plywood against the wall. Behind it is a large hole leading into a very long tunnel.**
MARTY: This tunnel should get you across state lines. Take it. Don't look back. Run like the wind.
**Joe gives Marty a manly bear hug. He has tears in his eyes.**
JOE: If I don't make it, tell my wife and kids that my last thoughts were of them.
**Joe starts heading down the tunnel. He barely gets 10 feet when a bright light shines in his direction. Joe and Marty turns around to see Gladiator holding a flashlight.**
GLADIATOR: Oh no you don't. Montacor, fetch me that hairy Italian!
**Gladiator's monkey Montacor runs down the tunnel after Joe, who's trying to get away as fast as he can. Montacor quickly catches up to Joe. He pounces on him and starts punching and kicking Joe with his monkey paws. Gladiator turns to Marty Jannetty.**
GLADIATOR: I expected more from you, Marty. And you, Joe, get back to your commentators station. We have a show to run here.
**Montacor has managed to tie a rope around Joe's neck. He leads him back into the boiler room on his hands and knees. As Gladiator leads everyone back upstairs into the backstage area, he looks around some more.**
GLADIATOR: One down, one to go. Where is Skippy?
**As Gladiator walks away, a man resembling Skippy Mohophosite sneaks around a corner disguised in a bad fake mustache and curly wig. He slips away unnoticed.**
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**Joe is now being lead down the aisle by Montacor. The fierce monkey squawks at Joe and orders him into the chair next to Tom Berenger, who's enjoying a half a bagel that fell on the floor and was trampled on.**
TOM: Hey Joe. Long time no see. You want a bite of this?
JOE: I'm gonna cry.
RAY: Don't cry now. Gabreal Martin has just advanced, and we're about to find out who he'll take on in the semi finals. Will it be “The Supremacist” Duke Wallace, or the returning Larsen Van Der Kamp, who has sworn revenge on The Sedition for not fulfilling their promises to help him uncover his past. Round one continues........... NOW!
Van Der Kamp -vs- Duke Wallace
"What We Need is a Hero" begins to play and the lights go out. One lone spotlight shines on and off as the slow drum beat pounds. As the music kicks in the lights come up with a flash of pyros, and Duke Wallace appears at the top of the entrance ramp. He raises one arm high, pausing with his eyes closed as the pryos die out. Duke walks down the aisle with a serious look on his face and his shoulders and arms puffed out, clearly trying to show off his arms. Duke completely ignores the boos from the crowd. He rolls under the bottom rope and poses arrogantly as the lights in the arena all come back up.
"New Divide" by Linkin Park plays over the P.A. The crowd jump on their feet and cheer as Larsen Van Der Kamp makes his way towards the ring. He walks to the ring at a slow pace. He keeps his focus straight ahead as he walks down the aisle. When he reaches the ring, he slides under the bottom rope. Larsen stands in the center of the ring. He looks around the arena and sees all the fans cheering for him. He appears overwhelmed by their response. Larsen points out to the crowd and nods his head. He sits up on the top turnbuckle and waits for the match to begin.
RAY: One of these men will face Gabreal Martin in the finals.
JOE: Hooray for them.
TOM: No need to be Mr. Crabbypants there Joe. Just enjoy the show.
Both men walk to the center of the ring and stare down each other, trash talking each other. All hell breaks loose and both men begin punching each other. Van Der Kamp gets the upper hand and punches Wallace to the corner and then throws him to the opposite corner. Van Der Kamp charges after him and nails a clothesline and then grabs Wallace’s head and delivers a running bulldog out of the corner. Van Der Kamp makes a cover
1...
2...
Wallace kicks out. Van Der Kamp picks Wallace up and gives him a European uppercut followed quickly by a snap suplex. Van Der Kamp turns Wallace over to his stomach and grabs Wallace’s ankle, but Wallace quickly gets to the ropes. Van Der Kamp backs off and Wallace gets up. They lock up, but Wallace pokes Van Der Kamp in the eye and then gives Van Der Kamp a back breaker and makes a cover.
1....
2....
kick out.
TOM: See, what did I tell you? The eye poke is a staple of this organization.
Wallace whips Van Der Kamp to the corner and runs after him. Van Der Kamp gets his foot up in time, connecting with Wallace’s face. Van Der Kamp hops up to the middle ropes and drives off, nailing a clothesline. Both men get up and Van Der Kamp punches Wallace to the ropes and then throws Wallace into the ropes. Wallace comes running towards Van Der Kamp and Van Der Kamp delivers a back body drop. The fans cheer at the impact of Wallace’s fall. Wallace gets up holding his back. Van Der Kamp nails an Ensiguri. Van Der Kamp picks Wallace up and goes for a cradle piledriver, but Wallace counters, sending Van Der Kamp to the mat. Wallace hooks Van Der Kamp’s legs and slingshots him into the corner. Van Der Kamp bounces out and Wallace hits the Spinebuster and makes a cover.
1.....
2.....
kick out.
Van Der Kamp is pissed and argues with the ref.
RAY: Van Der Kamp wants this win bad.
Van Der Kamp then goes over and picks Wallace up and sets him up for a Gutwrench Powerbomb but Wallace falls to the mat. Van Der Kamp kicks Wallace in the back and pulls him to his feet. Van Der Kamp delivers a belly-to-belly suplex. Van Der Kamp springs to his feet and climbs the turnbuckle, hitting The Memory Remains, a split leg moonsault. Van Der Kamp makes a quick cover.
1 ..
2
…3
Winner: Van Der Kamp
RAY: It's Van Der Kamp! And with that, our first semi finals match is set!
TOM: Not bad for his first match back. He returned just in time to take this shot at winning the SWA Championship.
JOE: I want Gabreal Martin to go down hard. I don't care if it's Van Der Kamp or anyone else. The Sedition have to be shown that they can't treat people like this. We're human beings after all! We deserve a certain level of respect! Don't we? Huh?
RAY: Oh stop your belly aching. Lets just enjoy this next segment...... An interview with Gabreal Martin!
**Joe groans.**
RAY: Take it away, Travis Malloy!
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(We open backstage where we see Travis Malloy standing by with Gabreal Martin.)
Travis: Gabreal Martin you have beaten one man here tonight in Teen Throb and you soon will be taking on Larsen Van Der Kamp a man that it seems has an issue with The Sedition and really seems to have a dislike for you especially.
Gabreal: I want to ask you something Travis. Did you just see that?
Travis: See what?
Gabreal: Did you just see what I did out there?
Travis: Yes I just said I saw you beat Teen Throb.
Gabreal: You know what I just did? I just proved two things. First my superiority over Michael Saint. You see Saint has beaten Teen Throb, but he never beat him on pay per view. I did what he could not I beat the man who was once the bane of his existance. Teen Throb says I do not whoo the ladies like he does. Well Teen Throb I am not looking for the same ladies as you are. I am not after a bunch of teeny boppers in training bras with their hair in pigtails. I like my ladies with a empty head and a full sweater if you get my drift.
Travis: Indeed and what was the other thing you proved?
Gabreal: I proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that The Sedition reigns supreme. You see Saint wants to mess with us. He throws Kid Cannabis out of the building. I guess The Sedition is like weeds you get rid of us, but another one pops up in its place. As far as I am concerned all Saint did was ensure that this tournament would not have the wrestling match of all time between Kid Cannabis and myself, but hey if he wants to disappoint the fans that is his choice as well.
Travis: And what of Larsen Van Der Kamp?
Gabreal: The spirit that haunts SWA. The man who appears out of the shadows to get a win over the not so supreme Duke Wallace. What a joke. Look Larsen you might have others intoxicated by your little smoke and mirrors deal, but not me. You hate The Sedition and you want revenge. You want the ultimate revenge in take the SWA title home with you on this night. Their is one problem standing in your way. The Greatest Man That Ever Lived. The man that was handpicked by Rev and Gladiator as The Chosen One me Gabreal Martin. I am not going to fall as easily as Wallace. I am not going to back down from you. You dislike me, because of who I keep company with, but that is nothing new to me. I only keep close those who are worthy. Rev and Gladiator they are like me we are winners.
Travis: You saying Lars is a loser?
Gabreal: In simple terms yes. He wants to hunt down The Sedition let him go right ahead, but remember one thing Larsen. The world could come to an end tonight. A nuclear bomb could be dropped on this very city whipping everything out. All that would be left were the cockroaches and The Sedition, because we rise above everyone else in this business. Larsen get ready for the biggest thrill of your sad life. Your brush with true greatness in me The Chosen One Gabreal Martin.
(Gabe walks out.)
Travis: Back to you guys.
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