Post by Dr. Kazuya Kogemaru on Apr 17, 2010 9:41:55 GMT -6
Quit acting like a bitch, Skippy Kiljoy can't get you at the hotel, alright?
All week he's had to deal with this crap. When he was asked to keep an eye on Skippy because Mr. Kiljoy was out to get him, he didn't realize he had to babysitting a grown man.
Dealing with Skippy was ridiculous. The crying, the whining for his mom, the constant bedwetting and thumb sucking....
And Skippy was scared of the clown to boot
So, that's why we're in this hotel room with...
Kid Cannabis
Pro wrestling icon, and the man who invented the x-ray, trying to talk Sedition's borderline sex offender publicist ass out of hiding under the bed
No I'm not going anywhere. You can't make me.
Muthafucka, I ain't got time for this shit. I got a photo shoot in two hours, and I wanna go to Mickey D's today. There's a smoking hottie working the drive thru window that's gonna hook me up with some free Chicken McNuggets if I give her my happy meal
Super sized, of course
I'm not gonna get dual cock and McNugget blocked by you because you acting like a pansy. Mister, you get out from under that bed this instant
But even Cannabis's stern dad voice wasn't enough to shake Skippy's resolve.
No Kiljoy is scary Who knows what he'll do He's probably got a seltzer bottle loaded with hydrochloric acid, or a pie with a brick in it. And Frak....
With his beady eyes, his big shoes, and his bad breath. He even got a bunch of his midget clown buddies to roll with him, in their little midget clown car rolling 12 deep...
You're scared of midgets?
More than one midget is a gang. They're like the Lollypop Guild with weapons and whoopie coushions It was like that time I got stuck in that Willy Wonka tribute show in Detroit with those Oompa Loompas who were on parole
Oh, Jesus...
Besides, you're supposed to be protecting me. So, protect me, and get that cleaning lady back in here
You mean, that big fat one with the wart on her nose you sent running out of here because you answered the door buck naked with a jar of Miracle Whip asking her if she wanted to be the meat in a Skippy sandwhich? Not happening. Besides...
You got the pound for pound best wrestler on the planet watching your back. I don't care how crazy Kiljoy is, he could be Tim Curry in fucking IT, that fat makeup wearing nigga even shows his big fake red nose around here, I'll punch a clown silly with the quickness
*Stops, realizes what he just said*
Okay, that came out kinda wrong...
You can't hide under there forever
You don't know me very well. This isn't the first time I've hidden under a bed for days
I know, I saw the restraining order Bea Arthur filed against you a few years back. Besides, Skip, you don't get out from under that bed, you won't have to worry about Kiljoy kicking your ass...
I'll do it myself
Cannabis grabs Skippy by the shoe and drags him kicking and screaming from under the bed.
3 hours later at McDonald's, Cannabis is kicking that patented ninja space pirate pimp game of his on said drive thru cutie while munching on a ten piece.
Drive Thru Girl: So, like, they're totally gonna make me in charge of the fries next week, and like, my BFF Tina, I was like, I'm hooking up with Cannabis, I totally told her on Facebook, and Tina was like, no way, shut up And I was like, yes way, totally. So, like later, I totally texted Ashley...
Word? On the fries? Girl, you moving on up in the world. Who knows, they might even let you put toys in the Happy Meals...
Oh my God, that would so ROCK You always know the right thing to say to a woman
Cannabis gives a big fake smile and turns to roll his eyes, bemoaning the fact the only reason he's even dealing with this dizzy broad is because he gets free food.
Suddenly, the assistant manager, a pimply faced 19 year old nervously approaches the EWC Hardcore Champion.
Uh....sir....
Holy shit I didn't think they made your people any whiter. Good lord, how do you walk around in sunlight without exploding?
Uh....your friend is causing a problem in the ballpit in our playpen.
What do you mean...
Suddenly, hordes of scared little Caucasian childrens are running out of the playpen, crying and screaming.
Mommy! The creepy little nerd guy’s got Ronald McDonald taped to the slide!
Aw, shit!
Cannabis walks into the playpen, and there’s a poor kid dressed like Ronald duct taped to a slide while Skippy interrogates him!
Start talking, clown! Who sent you? The Illuminati? Kiljoy? Bozuko, the clown my mom hired for my 8th birthday party that showed up drunk with no pants asking me if I wanted to go in the back and check out his balloon snake?
I don’t know what you’re talking about! I’m just a kid working the lunch shift before my pyschology class! I just came in dressed like Ronald because they’re paying me a quarter an hour extra!
What the hell are you doing, jackass?
Ha! A likely story! I have ways of making you talk!
Skippy whips out a Whopper from Burger King, then...
Start talking, or I’ll make you have it your way!
No! Not Burger King! Anything but Burger King! My manager will KILL me! He’s my brother, he hooked me up with this job!
Dude, what the fuck...
I told you they were after me! He surprised me when I was in the ballpit scrounging for change. He tried to poison me!
I was just trying to give him a free small ice cream cone! Help! This isn’t worth $7.50 an hour!
Travis Malloy: Isn’t that the truth?
Cannabis nearly has a heart attack when SWA’s intrepid and woefully underpaid interviewer Travis Malloy sneaks up on him with a mic.
Shit! Now white people learned how to teleport! How’d you find us?
I have a police scanner in my car! It usually helps when I have to track down Sedition members.
I’m here to interview you about your upcoming match against Mr. Kiljoy...
This isn’t the time, dude, we kinda got a situation here...
Dude, this isn’t the first time I’ve had to deal with either explosions, kidnapping threats, or idiots waiving around automatic weapons. I work for SWA, I had to deal with all three yesterday when I tried to ask Gladiator for a raise. Now, coming up, huge match against the most insane clown in the world....
Isn’t calling a clown insane being redundant, little white man with the microphone? I mean, we are talking about dudes that wear big shoes and think squirting people in the face with flowers is funny. Thinking that’s a great career choice proves yo’ ass needs a straight jacket and some Xanax.
Seriously, you ever seen a kid have a good time when a clown entertains him? They look like somebody took a crap in their Fruit Loops when some drunk douche in a purple wig’s there instead of Spongebob Squarepants.
But I’m getting off course here.
Kiljoy thinks by ruining my day off by making me babysit scardypants here trying to waterboard Ronald with a cup of Mr. Pibb to get info out of him is gonna throw me off my game. Nigga needs to run a game check, son....
I’m Kid Cannabis, bitch. The pound for pound best wrestler in the entire sport. I don’t care how many clowns Fatty the Circus Freak pulls out of his clown car, I don’t care if nigga enlists everybody in Barnum and Bailey’s, including the fire eater and the cat that gets shot out of a cannon, to try to maddog me. Muthafucka’s screwing with Sedition, and if he fucks with one Sedition member, he’s gonna run for that cannon to get shot out of town.
But you saw what he did last week to Mr. Hawthorne...
Oh, yeah, I’m real impressed. He hacked a dude exactly 12 minutes older than dirt with a rusty knife. Rev does that every time he visits his grandfather at the assisted living community!
What?!
Hey, Rev likes pudding, and those Methusulah muthafuckas fight like starving pitbulls for it.
Look, I get that Doink and Dink got a problem with Skippy. EVERYBODY'S got a problem with Skippy. And normally, anybody that wants to put Skippy in the hospital is okay by me. But, dammit...
Skippy's a Sedition member too! Sort of. We kinda keep him at least ten feet from us just in case an angry old woman assaults him or Chris Hanson and Dateline bust him on a sting, it's just smart on our part. But we still watch out for each other, and when Kiljoy threatens a member of Sedition, that means I gotta take time out of my busy schedule when I could be busy doing something better...
Like watching Bob Ross on PBS, or expanding my world class collection of Dolemite memoribilia....
Than babysitting Skippy.
You hear me, Doink, YOU MADE ME MISS THE JOY OF PAINTING BECAUSE I GOTTA DEAL WITH YOUR CRAP! NOW, I'LL NEVER KNOW HOW TO MIX TITANIUM WHITE WITH EARL GRAY TO PAINT THAT SNOWCAPPED MOUNTAINTOP SCENE WITH EASE!
While Can's ranting, Skippy tries to force feed "Ronald" a double stack from Wendy's!
But, it's okay. It really is.
Dude wants Skippy, he's gotta go through me. And that's when the circus gets shut down.
There is no FUCKING way I'm letting some painted up, overweight, crash test dummy that stole his gimmick from WWF circa 1993 stop the run of the best wrestler on the planet.
Undefeated in two months since I returned. Dominating in two feds. Breath minty fresher than ever. I even got a Billboard Top 40 hit for "Put Your Ass Through The Table". Shit, because my fame's blwoing up hotter than ever, I got hot bitches at Mickey D's hooking a brotha up with free McNuggets!
You don't get between a brotha and free chicken McNuggets, clown! I don't care how crazy you are, you're just asking for a hospital trip!
Kiljoy, your John Wayne Gacy wanna be ass is gonna be sorry you even decided to mess with Sedition. We're the ones that run this circus, and even considering who's all on our payroll, you're just a sideshow attraction. A novelty act sticking whoopie cushions under people's seats and listing to ICP.
This party doesn't need a clown, dude. And I'm not gonna let you stop my run to the top of SWA.
So, come fight night, Doink, I'll tell you right now....
Under the lights of the biggest circus in pro wrestling, the ringmaster, the BEST THANG SMOKING IN PROFESSIONAL WRESTLING is gonna do what he does best when the bell rings. He's gonna stand in the middle of the ring, his ring...
Get the clown in his hand...
And beat the clown. Oh, yeah, I'm gonna punch the clown hard and nasty until he goes limp in front of millions of people worldwide!
Uhm....
*stops, thinks about what he just said, smacks his head*
Yeah, I know. I've been having a problem with that all day today. You get my point.
Kiljoy's toast.
Suddenly, there's police sirens outside and the captain on the bullhorn!
Skippy, we gotta jet, man.
I'm not done with this guy...
Yeah, we are. Police sirens, dudes taped to playground equipment, police about to tear gas the joint. That's the universal sign for a brother to get his black ass the fuck out of Dodge! Move it!
*runs out, stops for a moment to get another 10 piece*
I'll text you later, girl! Don't forget those Happy Meal toys.
Cannabis and Skippy jump in the car and haul ass out of there. Cannabis growls at Skippy.
You're lucky we crew, Skip. If I get banned from Mickey D's and have to eat at Sonic for the rest of my life because of you...
*cracks his knuckles at a freaked out Skippy*
Kiljoy WON'T be the only clown I knock the fuck out!
(SMOKE...OUT!!)
All week he's had to deal with this crap. When he was asked to keep an eye on Skippy because Mr. Kiljoy was out to get him, he didn't realize he had to babysitting a grown man.
Dealing with Skippy was ridiculous. The crying, the whining for his mom, the constant bedwetting and thumb sucking....
And Skippy was scared of the clown to boot
So, that's why we're in this hotel room with...
Kid Cannabis
Pro wrestling icon, and the man who invented the x-ray, trying to talk Sedition's borderline sex offender publicist ass out of hiding under the bed
No I'm not going anywhere. You can't make me.
Muthafucka, I ain't got time for this shit. I got a photo shoot in two hours, and I wanna go to Mickey D's today. There's a smoking hottie working the drive thru window that's gonna hook me up with some free Chicken McNuggets if I give her my happy meal
Super sized, of course
I'm not gonna get dual cock and McNugget blocked by you because you acting like a pansy. Mister, you get out from under that bed this instant
But even Cannabis's stern dad voice wasn't enough to shake Skippy's resolve.
No Kiljoy is scary Who knows what he'll do He's probably got a seltzer bottle loaded with hydrochloric acid, or a pie with a brick in it. And Frak....
With his beady eyes, his big shoes, and his bad breath. He even got a bunch of his midget clown buddies to roll with him, in their little midget clown car rolling 12 deep...
You're scared of midgets?
More than one midget is a gang. They're like the Lollypop Guild with weapons and whoopie coushions It was like that time I got stuck in that Willy Wonka tribute show in Detroit with those Oompa Loompas who were on parole
Oh, Jesus...
Besides, you're supposed to be protecting me. So, protect me, and get that cleaning lady back in here
You mean, that big fat one with the wart on her nose you sent running out of here because you answered the door buck naked with a jar of Miracle Whip asking her if she wanted to be the meat in a Skippy sandwhich? Not happening. Besides...
You got the pound for pound best wrestler on the planet watching your back. I don't care how crazy Kiljoy is, he could be Tim Curry in fucking IT, that fat makeup wearing nigga even shows his big fake red nose around here, I'll punch a clown silly with the quickness
*Stops, realizes what he just said*
Okay, that came out kinda wrong...
You can't hide under there forever
You don't know me very well. This isn't the first time I've hidden under a bed for days
I know, I saw the restraining order Bea Arthur filed against you a few years back. Besides, Skip, you don't get out from under that bed, you won't have to worry about Kiljoy kicking your ass...
I'll do it myself
Cannabis grabs Skippy by the shoe and drags him kicking and screaming from under the bed.
3 hours later at McDonald's, Cannabis is kicking that patented ninja space pirate pimp game of his on said drive thru cutie while munching on a ten piece.
Drive Thru Girl: So, like, they're totally gonna make me in charge of the fries next week, and like, my BFF Tina, I was like, I'm hooking up with Cannabis, I totally told her on Facebook, and Tina was like, no way, shut up And I was like, yes way, totally. So, like later, I totally texted Ashley...
Word? On the fries? Girl, you moving on up in the world. Who knows, they might even let you put toys in the Happy Meals...
Oh my God, that would so ROCK You always know the right thing to say to a woman
Cannabis gives a big fake smile and turns to roll his eyes, bemoaning the fact the only reason he's even dealing with this dizzy broad is because he gets free food.
Suddenly, the assistant manager, a pimply faced 19 year old nervously approaches the EWC Hardcore Champion.
Uh....sir....
Holy shit I didn't think they made your people any whiter. Good lord, how do you walk around in sunlight without exploding?
Uh....your friend is causing a problem in the ballpit in our playpen.
What do you mean...
Suddenly, hordes of scared little Caucasian childrens are running out of the playpen, crying and screaming.
Mommy! The creepy little nerd guy’s got Ronald McDonald taped to the slide!
Aw, shit!
Cannabis walks into the playpen, and there’s a poor kid dressed like Ronald duct taped to a slide while Skippy interrogates him!
Start talking, clown! Who sent you? The Illuminati? Kiljoy? Bozuko, the clown my mom hired for my 8th birthday party that showed up drunk with no pants asking me if I wanted to go in the back and check out his balloon snake?
I don’t know what you’re talking about! I’m just a kid working the lunch shift before my pyschology class! I just came in dressed like Ronald because they’re paying me a quarter an hour extra!
What the hell are you doing, jackass?
Ha! A likely story! I have ways of making you talk!
Skippy whips out a Whopper from Burger King, then...
Start talking, or I’ll make you have it your way!
No! Not Burger King! Anything but Burger King! My manager will KILL me! He’s my brother, he hooked me up with this job!
Dude, what the fuck...
I told you they were after me! He surprised me when I was in the ballpit scrounging for change. He tried to poison me!
I was just trying to give him a free small ice cream cone! Help! This isn’t worth $7.50 an hour!
Travis Malloy: Isn’t that the truth?
Cannabis nearly has a heart attack when SWA’s intrepid and woefully underpaid interviewer Travis Malloy sneaks up on him with a mic.
Shit! Now white people learned how to teleport! How’d you find us?
I have a police scanner in my car! It usually helps when I have to track down Sedition members.
I’m here to interview you about your upcoming match against Mr. Kiljoy...
This isn’t the time, dude, we kinda got a situation here...
Dude, this isn’t the first time I’ve had to deal with either explosions, kidnapping threats, or idiots waiving around automatic weapons. I work for SWA, I had to deal with all three yesterday when I tried to ask Gladiator for a raise. Now, coming up, huge match against the most insane clown in the world....
Isn’t calling a clown insane being redundant, little white man with the microphone? I mean, we are talking about dudes that wear big shoes and think squirting people in the face with flowers is funny. Thinking that’s a great career choice proves yo’ ass needs a straight jacket and some Xanax.
Seriously, you ever seen a kid have a good time when a clown entertains him? They look like somebody took a crap in their Fruit Loops when some drunk douche in a purple wig’s there instead of Spongebob Squarepants.
But I’m getting off course here.
Kiljoy thinks by ruining my day off by making me babysit scardypants here trying to waterboard Ronald with a cup of Mr. Pibb to get info out of him is gonna throw me off my game. Nigga needs to run a game check, son....
I’m Kid Cannabis, bitch. The pound for pound best wrestler in the entire sport. I don’t care how many clowns Fatty the Circus Freak pulls out of his clown car, I don’t care if nigga enlists everybody in Barnum and Bailey’s, including the fire eater and the cat that gets shot out of a cannon, to try to maddog me. Muthafucka’s screwing with Sedition, and if he fucks with one Sedition member, he’s gonna run for that cannon to get shot out of town.
But you saw what he did last week to Mr. Hawthorne...
Oh, yeah, I’m real impressed. He hacked a dude exactly 12 minutes older than dirt with a rusty knife. Rev does that every time he visits his grandfather at the assisted living community!
What?!
Hey, Rev likes pudding, and those Methusulah muthafuckas fight like starving pitbulls for it.
Look, I get that Doink and Dink got a problem with Skippy. EVERYBODY'S got a problem with Skippy. And normally, anybody that wants to put Skippy in the hospital is okay by me. But, dammit...
Skippy's a Sedition member too! Sort of. We kinda keep him at least ten feet from us just in case an angry old woman assaults him or Chris Hanson and Dateline bust him on a sting, it's just smart on our part. But we still watch out for each other, and when Kiljoy threatens a member of Sedition, that means I gotta take time out of my busy schedule when I could be busy doing something better...
Like watching Bob Ross on PBS, or expanding my world class collection of Dolemite memoribilia....
Than babysitting Skippy.
You hear me, Doink, YOU MADE ME MISS THE JOY OF PAINTING BECAUSE I GOTTA DEAL WITH YOUR CRAP! NOW, I'LL NEVER KNOW HOW TO MIX TITANIUM WHITE WITH EARL GRAY TO PAINT THAT SNOWCAPPED MOUNTAINTOP SCENE WITH EASE!
While Can's ranting, Skippy tries to force feed "Ronald" a double stack from Wendy's!
But, it's okay. It really is.
Dude wants Skippy, he's gotta go through me. And that's when the circus gets shut down.
There is no FUCKING way I'm letting some painted up, overweight, crash test dummy that stole his gimmick from WWF circa 1993 stop the run of the best wrestler on the planet.
Undefeated in two months since I returned. Dominating in two feds. Breath minty fresher than ever. I even got a Billboard Top 40 hit for "Put Your Ass Through The Table". Shit, because my fame's blwoing up hotter than ever, I got hot bitches at Mickey D's hooking a brotha up with free McNuggets!
You don't get between a brotha and free chicken McNuggets, clown! I don't care how crazy you are, you're just asking for a hospital trip!
Kiljoy, your John Wayne Gacy wanna be ass is gonna be sorry you even decided to mess with Sedition. We're the ones that run this circus, and even considering who's all on our payroll, you're just a sideshow attraction. A novelty act sticking whoopie cushions under people's seats and listing to ICP.
This party doesn't need a clown, dude. And I'm not gonna let you stop my run to the top of SWA.
So, come fight night, Doink, I'll tell you right now....
Under the lights of the biggest circus in pro wrestling, the ringmaster, the BEST THANG SMOKING IN PROFESSIONAL WRESTLING is gonna do what he does best when the bell rings. He's gonna stand in the middle of the ring, his ring...
Get the clown in his hand...
And beat the clown. Oh, yeah, I'm gonna punch the clown hard and nasty until he goes limp in front of millions of people worldwide!
Uhm....
*stops, thinks about what he just said, smacks his head*
Yeah, I know. I've been having a problem with that all day today. You get my point.
Kiljoy's toast.
Suddenly, there's police sirens outside and the captain on the bullhorn!
Skippy, we gotta jet, man.
I'm not done with this guy...
Yeah, we are. Police sirens, dudes taped to playground equipment, police about to tear gas the joint. That's the universal sign for a brother to get his black ass the fuck out of Dodge! Move it!
*runs out, stops for a moment to get another 10 piece*
I'll text you later, girl! Don't forget those Happy Meal toys.
Cannabis and Skippy jump in the car and haul ass out of there. Cannabis growls at Skippy.
You're lucky we crew, Skip. If I get banned from Mickey D's and have to eat at Sonic for the rest of my life because of you...
*cracks his knuckles at a freaked out Skippy*
Kiljoy WON'T be the only clown I knock the fuck out!
(SMOKE...OUT!!)