Post by "The Geriatric One" on Apr 8, 2010 13:27:24 GMT -6
(A man sits in a chair at the Wood Acres Retirement Home in Moose Jaw, Saskatchewan. The man is none other than former SWA TV Champion “The Geriatric One” Waylon Hawthorne. He is watching the TV on a low volume. Suddenly he sees the pictures of The Rev and Gladiator on a commercial. His eyes bug out.)
HAWTHORNE: “Hey you, turn the TV up.”
(The man he is speaking to is a male nurse.)
NURSE: “Mr. Hawthorne, it’s already at full volume.”
HAWTHORNE: “I think I would know if it was at full volume. I’m not deaf you know.”
NURSE: “No, but you aren’t wearing your hearing aid either. You know that you can’t hear anything without your hearing aid.”
HAWTHORNE: “I don’t need a band aid for crying out loud man. I just want to hear the blasted television set.”
(The nurse sighs and puts a hearing aid in Hawthorne’s ear. Hawthorne smiles.)
HAWTHORNE: “There that’s better.”
(Hawthorne watches the TV closely as it airs an add for the Sedition Wrestling Alliance. The add shows the speech The Rev gave on last weeks EWC Brawl/Rampage.)
REV: “So Gladiator and I disappeared for a few weeks, but I wasn't about to miss the 13th anniversary show of the federation that my years of success helped build. Good old EWC has finally hit puberty. Time to let the corporate corruption begin. I said I wasn't going to enter an internal power struggle. That's because, effective immediately, the power struggle has gone external. Ever wonder where all those missing dollars from the budget went to? It lined our pockets just enough to get funding to reopen the one, the only, Sedition controlled wrestling promotion, the SWA. Mac, Cross and Outlaw won this round. You've kept us from gaining absolute power here in EWC. It's time we went to war.”
(Hawthorne turns off the TV and looks over at the Nurse.)
HAWTHORNE: “I used to wrestle for the SWA you know.”
NURSE: “Sure you did Mr. Hawthorne.”
(The Nurse does little to hide his sarcasm.)
HAWTHORNE: “It’s true. I was the SWA TV Champion for quite sometime, that is until that evil clown snatched it from my grasp.”
NURSE: Mr. Hawthorne, how many times do I have to tell you, there are no evil clowns.”
HAWTHORNE: “Dagnabbit man, I’m not lying. Do we have a computer around here? I’ll prove it to you. I just need to log on to the internest.”
NURSE: “The last time you logged onto the internet you sent email death threats to the Canadian government.”
HAWTHORNE: “I could have gotten away with it too, if it wasn’t for that darn CSIS. “
NURSE: “Besides, you shouldn’t over stimulate yourself. It’s time for your nap.”
(The nurse leads Hawthorne to his room, and closes the door. Hawthorne sits on his bed.)
HAWTHORNE: “Stupid nurse, thinks he can tell me what to do. He’s not the boss of me. I’m tired of this place. Darn kids sticking me in a retirement home. They think I can’t take care of myself. I’ll show them.”
(Someone knocks on the door.)
NURSE: ”Mr. Hawthorne, you can’t take your nap without your diaper on. I’m not cleaning your sheets like last time.”
(Hawthorne runs over and locks the door.)
HAWTHORNE: “Go away.”
NURSE: ”Mr. Hawthorne, you open this door right now, or you’ll get no ice cream with your dinner tonight.”
HAWTHORNE: “That does it, I’m tired of being treated like a baby. I’m outta here.”
(Hawthorne opens his window, and climbs out. He runs across the yard and disappears in the trees. The nurse breaks open the door and looks around.)
NURSE: “So you think you can escape my grasps. This isn’t over old man. You’ve won this round, but I promise you, I will win the battle.”
(Waylon Hawthorne is running through the parking lot of the SWA headquarters. He is being chased my men with white coats. A car comes by and skids into the parking lot. It hit’s the two men in white coats and they go flying. Hawthorne looks back as Travis Malloy steps out of the car. He is whistling as though nothing happened.)
HAWTHORNE: “Thanks, you saved me.”
MALLOY: “Saved you from what?”
(Hawthorne looks over at the men in white coats lying unconscious on the ground, then back at the oblivious Travis.)
HAWTHORNE: “Never mind.”
MALLOY: “Hey, since I have you here, how about a quick interview?”
HAWTHORNE: “I suppose I owe you that much.”
MALLOY: “Owe me for what?”
(Hawthorne again looks at the unconscious men)
HAWTHORNE: “Never mind, let’s just make this quick Troy.”
MALLOY: “It’s Travis, not Troy.”
HAWTHORNE: “Don’t test my patience boy.”
(Travis pulls a microphone out of his back pocket and turns towards the camera.)
MALLOY: “Travis Malloy here with former SWA TV Champion “The Geriatric One” Waylon Hawthorne. Tell us Waylon, what made you decide to return to the SWA.”
HAWTHORNE: “First off, that’s Mr. Hawthorne to you, young whippersnapper. Secondly, my reason is simple. I came here so that I could show that punk nurse that he’s not the boss of me.”
MALLOY: “I’m afraid I don’t follow you.”
HAWTHORNE: “Well I don’t think I can make it any clearer.”
MALLOY: “Right, then moving along, how do you feel about being booked against Mr. Kiljoy for this weeks Saturday Night Fever.”
HAWTHORNE: “I can’t wait. That evil clown and I have some unfinished business. He stole my TV Title. I treasured that title and he robbed me of it 9 years ago.”
MALLOY: “You’re talking about the cardboard TV Title?”
HAWTHORNE: “It may have been made of cardboard, but to me it was pure gold. It represented what an old school pug like me could accomplish. That clown stole it from me, and I want my vengeance.”
MALLOY: “Mr. Kiljoy is known to be a rather dangerous individual. Do you have any fears going into the match?”
HAWTHORNE: “Ha, I laugh in the face of fear. I may be old, decrepit, and have saggy man boobs, and flabby arms, but I’m still tougher than these kids around here. You ask Mr. Kiljoy if he’s scared. He’ll say that he’s not, but he’ll change that tone when the night is through. As the kids these days say, I’m gonna get jiggy with it, all over his face.”
MALLOY: “The kids don’t say that anymore, in fact they never really did.”
HAWTHORNE: “Who cares what the kids say Troy? The point here is, somethings get better with age. Me included. So just like wine, cheese, and Tony Danza, you’re gonna see a re-energized old man ready to conquer the world and there’s nothing that clown can do about it.”
MALLOY: “Tony Danza?”
(The men in white coats come to there senses and spot Hawthorne. Hawthorne’s eyes bug out.)
HAWTHORNE: “Gotta go.”
(Hawthorne runs off and the white coats chase after him. Malloy looks confused.)
MALLOY: “They don’t pay me enough for this stuff.”
HAWTHORNE: “Hey you, turn the TV up.”
(The man he is speaking to is a male nurse.)
NURSE: “Mr. Hawthorne, it’s already at full volume.”
HAWTHORNE: “I think I would know if it was at full volume. I’m not deaf you know.”
NURSE: “No, but you aren’t wearing your hearing aid either. You know that you can’t hear anything without your hearing aid.”
HAWTHORNE: “I don’t need a band aid for crying out loud man. I just want to hear the blasted television set.”
(The nurse sighs and puts a hearing aid in Hawthorne’s ear. Hawthorne smiles.)
HAWTHORNE: “There that’s better.”
(Hawthorne watches the TV closely as it airs an add for the Sedition Wrestling Alliance. The add shows the speech The Rev gave on last weeks EWC Brawl/Rampage.)
REV: “So Gladiator and I disappeared for a few weeks, but I wasn't about to miss the 13th anniversary show of the federation that my years of success helped build. Good old EWC has finally hit puberty. Time to let the corporate corruption begin. I said I wasn't going to enter an internal power struggle. That's because, effective immediately, the power struggle has gone external. Ever wonder where all those missing dollars from the budget went to? It lined our pockets just enough to get funding to reopen the one, the only, Sedition controlled wrestling promotion, the SWA. Mac, Cross and Outlaw won this round. You've kept us from gaining absolute power here in EWC. It's time we went to war.”
(Hawthorne turns off the TV and looks over at the Nurse.)
HAWTHORNE: “I used to wrestle for the SWA you know.”
NURSE: “Sure you did Mr. Hawthorne.”
(The Nurse does little to hide his sarcasm.)
HAWTHORNE: “It’s true. I was the SWA TV Champion for quite sometime, that is until that evil clown snatched it from my grasp.”
NURSE: Mr. Hawthorne, how many times do I have to tell you, there are no evil clowns.”
HAWTHORNE: “Dagnabbit man, I’m not lying. Do we have a computer around here? I’ll prove it to you. I just need to log on to the internest.”
NURSE: “The last time you logged onto the internet you sent email death threats to the Canadian government.”
HAWTHORNE: “I could have gotten away with it too, if it wasn’t for that darn CSIS. “
NURSE: “Besides, you shouldn’t over stimulate yourself. It’s time for your nap.”
(The nurse leads Hawthorne to his room, and closes the door. Hawthorne sits on his bed.)
HAWTHORNE: “Stupid nurse, thinks he can tell me what to do. He’s not the boss of me. I’m tired of this place. Darn kids sticking me in a retirement home. They think I can’t take care of myself. I’ll show them.”
(Someone knocks on the door.)
NURSE: ”Mr. Hawthorne, you can’t take your nap without your diaper on. I’m not cleaning your sheets like last time.”
(Hawthorne runs over and locks the door.)
HAWTHORNE: “Go away.”
NURSE: ”Mr. Hawthorne, you open this door right now, or you’ll get no ice cream with your dinner tonight.”
HAWTHORNE: “That does it, I’m tired of being treated like a baby. I’m outta here.”
(Hawthorne opens his window, and climbs out. He runs across the yard and disappears in the trees. The nurse breaks open the door and looks around.)
NURSE: “So you think you can escape my grasps. This isn’t over old man. You’ve won this round, but I promise you, I will win the battle.”
(Waylon Hawthorne is running through the parking lot of the SWA headquarters. He is being chased my men with white coats. A car comes by and skids into the parking lot. It hit’s the two men in white coats and they go flying. Hawthorne looks back as Travis Malloy steps out of the car. He is whistling as though nothing happened.)
HAWTHORNE: “Thanks, you saved me.”
MALLOY: “Saved you from what?”
(Hawthorne looks over at the men in white coats lying unconscious on the ground, then back at the oblivious Travis.)
HAWTHORNE: “Never mind.”
MALLOY: “Hey, since I have you here, how about a quick interview?”
HAWTHORNE: “I suppose I owe you that much.”
MALLOY: “Owe me for what?”
(Hawthorne again looks at the unconscious men)
HAWTHORNE: “Never mind, let’s just make this quick Troy.”
MALLOY: “It’s Travis, not Troy.”
HAWTHORNE: “Don’t test my patience boy.”
(Travis pulls a microphone out of his back pocket and turns towards the camera.)
MALLOY: “Travis Malloy here with former SWA TV Champion “The Geriatric One” Waylon Hawthorne. Tell us Waylon, what made you decide to return to the SWA.”
HAWTHORNE: “First off, that’s Mr. Hawthorne to you, young whippersnapper. Secondly, my reason is simple. I came here so that I could show that punk nurse that he’s not the boss of me.”
MALLOY: “I’m afraid I don’t follow you.”
HAWTHORNE: “Well I don’t think I can make it any clearer.”
MALLOY: “Right, then moving along, how do you feel about being booked against Mr. Kiljoy for this weeks Saturday Night Fever.”
HAWTHORNE: “I can’t wait. That evil clown and I have some unfinished business. He stole my TV Title. I treasured that title and he robbed me of it 9 years ago.”
MALLOY: “You’re talking about the cardboard TV Title?”
HAWTHORNE: “It may have been made of cardboard, but to me it was pure gold. It represented what an old school pug like me could accomplish. That clown stole it from me, and I want my vengeance.”
MALLOY: “Mr. Kiljoy is known to be a rather dangerous individual. Do you have any fears going into the match?”
HAWTHORNE: “Ha, I laugh in the face of fear. I may be old, decrepit, and have saggy man boobs, and flabby arms, but I’m still tougher than these kids around here. You ask Mr. Kiljoy if he’s scared. He’ll say that he’s not, but he’ll change that tone when the night is through. As the kids these days say, I’m gonna get jiggy with it, all over his face.”
MALLOY: “The kids don’t say that anymore, in fact they never really did.”
HAWTHORNE: “Who cares what the kids say Troy? The point here is, somethings get better with age. Me included. So just like wine, cheese, and Tony Danza, you’re gonna see a re-energized old man ready to conquer the world and there’s nothing that clown can do about it.”
MALLOY: “Tony Danza?”
(The men in white coats come to there senses and spot Hawthorne. Hawthorne’s eyes bug out.)
HAWTHORNE: “Gotta go.”
(Hawthorne runs off and the white coats chase after him. Malloy looks confused.)
MALLOY: “They don’t pay me enough for this stuff.”
