Post by Sedition: The Rev on Apr 8, 2010 9:05:20 GMT -6
PREVIEW SHOW
Rebroadcasted from EWC's Rampage
Original air date: Feb. 27th 2010
NARRATOR:
Years ago an underground promotion began, which between the years of 2000-2004 became a cult phenomenon. The SWA reached new highs in wrestling athleticism, and some say reached new lows in barbarism and on screen violence and gore. Censors worked overtime, parents protested outside arenas day and night, human rights activists filed law suits..... and then mysteriously disappeared, which we might add had absolutely nothing to do with Rev and Gladiator, regardless of what that episode of Unsolved Mysteries had to say.
President Mac took a gamble when he agreed to sign Rev and Gladiator as General Managers of Rampage. Some said their management style was too barbaric for a civilized promotion such as EWC, others said they'd cross the line and air something that was bound to get EWC taken off the air, and others claimed that it was only a matter if time before they turned a once respected and classy organization into a three ring freak show circus.
Tonight, as Friday Night Rampage pays tribute to the SWA, all of those people get the chance to say...
Years ago an underground promotion began, which between the years of 2000-2004 became a cult phenomenon. The SWA reached new highs in wrestling athleticism, and some say reached new lows in barbarism and on screen violence and gore. Censors worked overtime, parents protested outside arenas day and night, human rights activists filed law suits..... and then mysteriously disappeared, which we might add had absolutely nothing to do with Rev and Gladiator, regardless of what that episode of Unsolved Mysteries had to say.
President Mac took a gamble when he agreed to sign Rev and Gladiator as General Managers of Rampage. Some said their management style was too barbaric for a civilized promotion such as EWC, others said they'd cross the line and air something that was bound to get EWC taken off the air, and others claimed that it was only a matter if time before they turned a once respected and classy organization into a three ring freak show circus.
Tonight, as Friday Night Rampage pays tribute to the SWA, all of those people get the chance to say...
*Friday Night Rampage General Managers, The Rev and Gladiator, are backstage laughing and high fiving each other. We pick up in mid conversation.*
REV: Remember that time we got so tired of hearing John Stevens complain that we shot him in the face in front of a live television audience?
GLADIATOR: Hahahahaha.
REV: Hahahahahahaha.
GLADIATOR: And remember that time Mr. Kiljoy fell into a tub of acid, and when the doctors asked how he got the chemical burns we blamed it on him falling asleep in a tanning bed?
REV: Hahahahahahaha.
GLADIATOR: Hahahahaha.
REV: Remember when Marty Jannetty begged us for a job, and we only kept him around because we thought he was Eddie Van Halen, and then when we found out who he was I tried to knife him?
GLADIATOR: Hahahahaha.
REV: Hahahahahahaha.
*The laughs die down. Awkward silence follows.*
GLADIATOR: I wonder what he's up to these days.
REV: Selling Amway last I heard.
*Awkward silence continues.*
GLADIATOR: Well good for him.
REV: He deserves some success.
*Another silence.*
REV: Hey, remember the time when we forced Joe Aiello to broadcast our show by threatening to kill his family.
GLADIATOR: Oh yeah! Those were the days.
Rev and Gladiator walk over to a piano where Montacor the head monkey is sitting. Montacor begins to play and Rev and Gladiator break into a modified version of the song “Those Were the Days”.
GLADIATOR: Boy, the way Sledjhamma fought, wars with the guy who did the Golden Shot.
Don't forget the STD's Skippy caught. Those were the days.
REV: Didn't need no King Of The Cage. Everybody fought for minimum wage.
Some were even underage. Those were the days.
GLADIATOR: Hey wasn't Rat Fink the man, Gavin Storm didn't have a tan.
Mister, we could use a man like Hardcore Hobo again.
REV: Our roster seemed to be content. They didn't even cost us a cent.
Too bad we never paid our rent. Those were the days.
GLADIATOR: Teen Throb had that stupid grin, Lex Luthor never seemed to win.
Hey remember Mr. Killjoy, I wonder where he has been.
REV: The losers always lost with grace. They were never on our case.
Stoon and Misfit got shot in the face.
REV & GLADIATOR (Together) Those Were The Dayyyyyyyyysssssss!
Montacor tips his hat bows and runs off the screen.
REV: Who was the guy who did the Golden Shot again?
GLADIATOR: Scaramanga.
REV: Oh yeah. The big fat guy.... Fletch Baxter is no Scaramanga.
GLADIATOR: Got that right! David Arquette is no Joe Aiello.
REV: No sir!
Rev and Gladiator sit and ponder for a moment.
GLADIATOR: I have an idea. Remember the time when we had Dr. Rosen program Joe Aiello to shamelessly promote Sedition interests on Brawl.
REV: Best 5 bucks we ever spent.
GLADIATOR: I had her try another experimental treatment on him. We called it Project Fat Italian Candidate. Observe.
Gadiator picks up his phone. He dials a number and it goes to a split screen with Joe Aiello. Joe answers his phone.
AIELLO: Hello.
GLADIATOR: Joe?
AIELLO: Yes.
GLADIATOR: Joe Aiello?
AIELLO: Yes.
GLADIATOR: Joseph Aiello?
Joe falls into a trance.
AIELLO: Yes.
GLADIATOR: You will come to the arena. Remove the threat of the ADD kid David Arquette, and assume broadcast responsibilities.
AIELLO: Yes my master.
Rev grabs the phone and pulls it to his ear.
REV: And on your way here, pick up a dozen jelly donuts and two hot smoothies.
AIELLO: Yes my master.
Joe hangs up the phone and walks out the door like a zombie.
________________________________________
LIVE from Luanda, Angola
LIVE from Luanda, Angola
*The crowd in Luanda are on their feet. Chants can be heard all over the arena of EWC! EWC! EWC! David Arquette and Scott Caan are waiting at ringside.*
ARQUETTE: The fans here in Angola are loving EWC, or as they call it here in Angola...........
CAAN: The official language here is Portuguese.
ARQUETTE: And what would the Portuguese call it?
CAAN: EWC.
ARQUETTE: Oh
CAAN: Retard.
ARQUETTE: Tonight the EWC goes SWA style. Rev and Gladiator have been warning the roster that things are too easy for them here, so they've upped the ante and are booking this show in traditional SWA style. That means the violence is more extreme, the rules are out the window, and someone may or may not be shot in the face by the end of the night. And why here tonight in Angola?
CAAN: They're hoping International Human Rights Laws won't apply here.
ARQUETTE: You know that explains a lot about our location tonight.
CAAN: Tonight's show is so big, so action packed, so out of control that words alone can't describe it! That's why we have these fancy graphics to flash on your screen.
_________________________________________________
ON TONIGHT'S EPISODE
_
________________________________________________________________
°º²l]FNR[l²º°''˜¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨˜''°º²l]§§[l²º°''˜¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨˜''°º²l]2010[l²º°
UNDERCARD ONE
REGULAR MATCH
Bryce Bridges
-vs-
Kip Kutler
________________________________________________________________
°º²l]FNR[l²º°''˜¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨˜''°º²l]§§[l²º°''˜¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨˜''°º²l]2010[l²º°
UNDERCARD TWO
RAMPAGE vs BRAWL
Larsen Van Der Kamp
-vs-
Pence Weatherlight
________________________________________________________________
°º²l]FNR[l²º°''˜¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨˜''°º²l]§§[l²º°''˜¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨˜''°º²l]2010[l²º°
UNDERCARD THREE
EXTREME COMBAT RULES
Captain Insanity
-vs-
Teen Throb
________________________________________________________________
°º²l]FNR[l²º°''˜¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨˜''°º²l]§§[l²º°''˜¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨˜''°º²l]2010[l²º°
UNDERCARD FOUR
SCAFFOLD ABOVE A RING LITTERED WITH RUSTY NAILS MATCH
French Montana
-vs-
Moses Lake
________________________________________________________________
°º²l]FNR[l²º°''˜¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨˜''°º²l]§§[l²º°''˜¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨˜''°º²l]2010[l²º°
LEGENDS MATCH
(SWA Tribute Triple Threat)
Michael Saint
-vs-
Hurricane Jeff
-vs-
Kid Cactus
___________________________________________
_
________________________________________________________________
°º²l]FNR[l²º°''˜¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨˜''°º²l]§§[l²º°''˜¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨˜''°º²l]2010[l²º°
UNDERCARD ONE
REGULAR MATCH
Bryce Bridges
-vs-
Kip Kutler
________________________________________________________________
°º²l]FNR[l²º°''˜¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨˜''°º²l]§§[l²º°''˜¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨˜''°º²l]2010[l²º°
UNDERCARD TWO
RAMPAGE vs BRAWL
Larsen Van Der Kamp
-vs-
Pence Weatherlight
________________________________________________________________
°º²l]FNR[l²º°''˜¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨˜''°º²l]§§[l²º°''˜¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨˜''°º²l]2010[l²º°
UNDERCARD THREE
EXTREME COMBAT RULES
Captain Insanity
-vs-
Teen Throb
________________________________________________________________
°º²l]FNR[l²º°''˜¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨˜''°º²l]§§[l²º°''˜¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨˜''°º²l]2010[l²º°
UNDERCARD FOUR
SCAFFOLD ABOVE A RING LITTERED WITH RUSTY NAILS MATCH
French Montana
-vs-
Moses Lake
________________________________________________________________
°º²l]FNR[l²º°''˜¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨˜''°º²l]§§[l²º°''˜¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨˜''°º²l]2010[l²º°
LEGENDS MATCH
(SWA Tribute Triple Threat)
Michael Saint
-vs-
Hurricane Jeff
-vs-
Kid Cactus
___________________________________________
CAAN: That main event will be one for the history books.
ARQUETTE: To begin with we bring you Bryce Bridges latest attempt to reclaim the spotlight. Despite the fact he's been on a roll lately, and last night basically schooled Sedition lacky Skippy Mohophosite, it's the same old story. Rev and Gladiator refuse to give Bryce Bridges a break. Here he lands back in the opening match, where I know he's not happy to be.
°º²l]FNR[l²º°''˜¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨˜''°º²l]§§[l²º°''˜¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨˜''°º²l]2010[l²º°
REGULAR MATCH
Bryce Bridges -vs- Kip Kutler
Bryce Bridges -vs- Kip Kutler
Edge of Seventeen by Jonas hits the PA system as the lights turn pink and green. He walks with a cocky undertone, getting booed every step of the way. Once at the apron, he takes a step back, gets a running start and slides into the ring. He goes to the turnbuckle and climbs to the second rope. He makes a chicken wing with his right arm, taunting for the roaring elbow. He climbs down from the turnbuckle. The lights go back to normal and the music fades out as Bryce prepares for the upcoming match.
"Stricken" by Disturbed blares throughout the arena as the fans begin booing as Kip Kutler appears at the top of the stage; He looks one direction then the other and crosses his arm out in the form of a cross and flex's. Kip makes his way down the ramp and rolls into the ring. A spotlight shines down on top of him in the centre of the ring. He drops to one knee and raises his arms up and flex's. He heads to the corner and climbs to the second rope and flexes again as he mocks the fans as they boo.
Both men walk to the center of the ring and stare down each other, trash talking each other. All hell breaks loose and both men begin punching each other. Bridges gets the upper hand and punches Kutler to the corner and then throws him to the opposite corner. Bridges charges after him and nails a clothesline and then grabs Kutler’s head and delivers a running bulldog out of the corner.
Bridges makes a cover and Kutler kicks out. Bridges picks Kutler up and gives him a European uppercut followed quickly by a snap suplex. Bridges turns Kutler over to his stomach and grabs Kutler’s ankle, but Kutler quickly gets to the ropes. Bridges backs off and Kutler gets up. They lock up, but Kutler pokes Bridges in the eye and then gives Bridges a back breaker and makes a cover.
1....2.... kick out.
Kutler whips Bridges to the corner and runs after him. Bridges gets his foot up in time, connecting with Kutler’s face. Bridges hops up to the middle ropes and drives off, nailing a clothesline. Both men get up and Bridges punches Kutler to the ropes and then throws Kutler into the ropes. Kutler comes running towards Bridges and Bridges delivers a back body drop. The fans cheer at the impact of Kutler’s fall. Kutler gets up holding his back. Bridges nails an Ensiguri. Bridges quickly makes a cover, hooking the leg.
1........
2.......
Kick out
ARQUETTE: Bryce Bridges and Kip Kutler are exchanging pinfall attempts here.
CAAN: This is must win for both of them.
Bridges picks Kutler up and goes for a cradle piledriver, but Kutler counters, sending Bridges to the mat. Kutler hooks Bridges’ legs and slingshot him into the corner. Bridges bounces out and Kutler hits the Spinebuster and makes a cover.
1.....2..... kick out.
The both begin chopping each other and Bridges ducks a chop and knocks Kutler down with a super kick. The ref just happens to be behind and Bridges bumps into him when he got hit with the super kick. Kutler checks the ref Bridges his Kutler with a spear and makes the cover. There’s no referee to make the count.
CAAN: Come on, get on the ball ref!
ARQUETTE: We should start providing our refs with helmets for protection
CAAN: You'd think after years of this happening in our business someone would pitch that idea.
Bridges gets up and wakes the referee up. Bridges turns around and ducks a clothesline from Kutler and delivers a Tornado DDT. Bridges makes the cover
1........2....... Kick out.
Bridges is pissed and argues with the ref. Bridges then goes over and picks Kutler up and sets him up for the Lyon Bomb but Kutler falls to the mat. Bridges kicks Kutler in the back and pulls him to his feet. Bridges delivers a belly-to-belly suplex. Bridges makes a quick cover.
1 ..
2
…3
Winner: Bryce Bridges
ARQUETTE: Look at that? Bryce Bridges got through the match without an interference from Rev and Gladiator.
CAAN: They're too preoccupied playing Manchurian Candidate backstage.
*Bryce Bridges is walking down the aisle celebrating. He steps within inches of the camera lens and starts yelling.*
BRYCE: I want Rev or Gladiator in the ring. Have the guts face me one on one you cowards!
*Bryce Bridges continues his exit muttering insults about The Sedition under his breath.
ARQUETTE: Bryce Bridges calls out either Rev and Gladiator. He wants a match with the bosses.
CAAN: He knows it has to be one on one if he ever wants a fair shot at them.
ARQUETTE: Can you really blame the guy? He's been dumped on for the last 2 months.
CAAN: I can tell you two guys who Bryce Bridges has to be jealous of. Pence Weatherlight and Larsen Van Der Kamp. Pence is the reigning king of Brawl, but with troubles as of late behind the scenes on Brawl, Pence has been kept out of the action for almost the entire month.
ARQUETTE: Never the less, he is what many people consider the best Brawl has to offer.
CAAN: And after last week, newcomer Larsen Van Der Kamp has secured his position as Rampage's top gun. He shocked the world by winning the main event last week, beating French Montana, Fletch Baxter and Captain Insanity. He now has a guaranteed title shot at Stranglemania, where one can only guess he'll face Mr. Strange, who earned his title shot at the Rumble in the Bronx.
ARQUETTE: You know Pence is dying to be in that main event. There's no telling how many people can be booked. Maybe if Pence can pull off a win against the undefeated Van Der Kamp management will consider him. This is Brawl vs Rampage, an exclusive cross brand match.
_______________________
*We cut to a shot of Joe Aiello, fixed in a hypnotic trance walking the wrong way down a street in Luannda. Cars in oncoming traffic swerve out of the way to avoid hitting him.*
AIELLO: Remove the threat of the ADD kid, assume broadcast responsibilities......... pick up jelly donuts and hot smoothies..... Hummmmmmmm
°º²l]FNR[l²º°''˜¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨˜''°º²l]§§[l²º°''˜¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨˜''°º²l]2010[l²º°
BRAWL VS RAMPAGE
Larsen Van Der Kamp -vs- Pence Weatherlight
]
BRAWL VS RAMPAGE
Larsen Van Der Kamp -vs- Pence Weatherlight
]Larsen Van Der Kamp makes his way towards the ring. He walks to the ring at slow pace, but remains completely focused on the ring. He ignores the fans, and steps into the ring. He sits up on the top turnbuckle and waits for his opponent.
Chriqui: Introducing forst. Residing now in Johannesburg, South Africa. Weighing in at two hundred and twenty nine pounds. He is...LARSEN VAN DER KAMP!!!!
The Xtreme-Otron bursts to static as the lights all dim down and begin to flash different colors at random, the fans turn their eyes to the entrance ramp, as all the light go out. A voice comes out over the speakers saying "Baby don't fear the Reaper." and then the lights come on. "Everything" by Pillar hits the speakers now and the lights begin to flicker red, white, and blue. The fans all begin to cheer as Pence emerges on to the Entrance ramp wearing a red, white, and blue vest with a pair of black and blue shorts, he salutes the fans who all begin to chant "Mr. Main Event". Pence makes his way down to the ring, slapping hands, and taking poses so that the fans can take pictures of him. He finally makes it into the ring and then jumps up on to one of the turnbuckles and flexes. He then jumps down and repeats the process on the opposite sides turnbuckle, before finally jumping down, and going to the middle, he begins to pace looking at the entrance ramp, awaiting his opponent.
Chriqui: Introducing his opponent. Hailing from Hershey, Pennsylvania. Weighing in at two hundred and fifty pounds. Mr. Main Event. He is PENCE WEATHERLIGHT!!!!
Both men square off and circle each other like wolves about to pounce. Van Der Kamp makes the first move with a collar tie up on Pence. Both men struggle for control and break the hold. Both men entangle again in a collar tie up and Pence pushes Van Der Kamp to the corner. Larsen breaks the hold and the referee breaks Pence from the hold. Both men slowly move back to the middle of the ring. Larsen attempts a single leg takedown, but Pence moves out of the way and drops an elbow to the back of Larsen's head. Pence quickly gets back to his feet and executes another elbow drop followed by a leg drop. Larsen quickly rolled out of the ring.
Arquette: Larsen quickly rolls out of the ring to avoid this onslaught from Pence.
Caan: It looks like Pence is fired up and really looking to impress people here tonight on Rampage.
The camera focuses back on Larsen and Pence. Pence is chasing Larsen around the outside of the ring. Larsen rolls under the bottom rope and quickly gets to his feet. As Pence rolls under the bottom rope, Larsen kicks Pence in the head and begins to stomp on him. Pence quickly grabs the ropes and the referee forces Larsen back. Pence slowly makes it to his feet and faces off against Larsen once again. Both men tie up in a collar tie up again, this time Pence kicks Larsen in the stomach and lifts him in the air over his shoulder in an Oklahoma Salm. Before Pence can send Larsen to the mat, Larsen wiggles and lands behind Pence with Pence's head in a reverse DDT. larsen hits the mat with force and quickly bounces back to his feet. Pencequickly rools outside the ring and tries to regain his composure. Larsen runs the ropes and executes a flying body press over the top rope. Pence moves out of the way and Larsen lands with a thud. Pence quickly pounces on Larsen and begins to stomp him on the ground.
Referee: 1...2...3...
Pence grabs Larsen by the hair and lifts him to his feet. Pence Irish Whips Larsen into the barricade outside the ring three times. Larsen crumples to his knees holding his mid section. Pence throws his hands in the air and begins to celebrate the beating his is unleashing on Larsen.
Referee: 4...5...6....
Pence rolls under the bottom rope and breaks the ten count and quickly rolls back outside. He stalks Larsen again, but when he attempts to Irish Whip Larsen into the barricade again, Larsen reverses the momentum and hoists Pence in the air dropping him chest first onto the barricade. Larsen quicky rolls under the bottom rope as Pence lies on the outside.
Referee: 1...2...3
Pence makes it to his feet.
Referee: 4...5...6...
Pence stumbles towards the apron.
Referee: 7...8...
Pence rolls under the bottom rope and breaks the referees ten count.
Arquette: Pence is cutting it close there.
Larsen quickly goes on the attack and begins to stomp and punch Pence. Larsen pulls Pence up to his feet and hoists him in the air in a vertical suplex and drops him face first in a facebuster. Larsen covers Pence.
Referee: 1...2...
Pence kicks out at 2. Pence tries to get to his feet, but Larsen dropkicks him in the stomach. Larsen quickly jumps on Pence and begins punching him in the head. The referee pulls Larsen off of Pence, but Pence jumps off the mat and hits a jumping spike DDT. Pence covers Larsen.
Referee: 1..2..
Larsen kicks out at 2. Both men make it back to their feet and square off in the middle of the ring.
Crowd: EWC! EWC! EWC! EWC!
Caan: The fans don't care that's Brawl vs Ramoage. It's all EWC to them.
Both Pence and Larsen attack each other, but larsen hits Pence in the gut with a sick dropkick. Pence keels over to his back and Larsen stumbles over to the turnbuckle. Larsen climbs to the top rope and jumps off executing a corckscrew moonsault. Larsen covers the prone Pence.
Referee: 1...2...
Pence kicks out at 2. Larsen can't believe it and begins to argue with the referee. Larsen turns around and walks right into a superkick from Pence. Pence walks over to the ropes and moves to the outside of the apron. Pence lurches back and throws himself over the top rope and hits the Reapers Drop. Pence covers.
Referee: 1...2...
Larsen kicks out at 2.
Arquette: Ohhh! This can't get any tighter!
Caan: I'm shocked Larsen has anything left in him after that.
Pence cant believe it either. He begins to go bezerk and leaves the ring to get a chair. As he is coming back into the ring, the referee tries to grab the chair from him. During the struggle, the referee is knocked down and out. Pence takes the chair and begins to hit Larsen in the back with the chair. The crowd releases a loud boo as Pence continues to hit the limp Larsen with the chair.
Arquette: Woh! Seeing a bit of the dark side of Pence Weatherlight here.
Security personael rush to the ring but are cut off by Pence. As Pence is turning back around, Larsen is making it to his feet. Pence goes to hit Larsen in the head with the chair, but Larsen ducks and the chair hits the top rope and bounces back into Pence's face. As Pence is standing groggily in the middle fo the ring, Larsen comes behind him and executes the Dream Street.
Arquette: DREAM STREET! DREAM STREET!
Larsen covers Pence.
Referee: 1...2...3!
The crowd erupts wildly as Larsen's hand is raised in victory.
Chiqrui: Here is your winner...LARSEN VAN DER KAMP!!!!
ARQUETTE: What a win for Van Der Kamp!.
CAAN: That's not just a victory for Larsen Van Der Kamp that's a victory for Rampage as well.
ARQUETTE: We can be honest. As of late, there hasn't been much going on on Monday Nights. Pence Weatherlight may be the smartest guy on the Brawl roster. He's coming here to pick up a pay check before things go south.
CAAN: Normally I'd say Pence should be concerned with a loss like that, but let's be honest, this Larsen Van Der Kamp has been on a huge roll lately. Regardless of how questionable Moses Lake's decision was last week, remember that Larsen did take out the unbeaten French Montana. Now with a win over Pence Weatherlight, it's safe to say Van Der Kamp is the real deal.
____________________________________
*Three limousines pull into the parking lot at the same time. They park side by side, and one at a time the doors open revealing first Hurricane Jeff, then Kid Cactus, then Michael Saint.*
GLADIATOR: Welcome back gentlemen. This is historic reunion. Jeff, as promised here is your payment up front and in cash as requested........ the uh......... backpay from your SWA salary is in the mail.
HURRICANE: I just flew for 16 hours on a plane from Oklahoma to get to this dump in Africa. I’m tired, I’m cranky. You booked me in a coach flight. There was no movie on the plane, there was no catering, and worst of all, I’m sure the guy sitting beside me was packing a bomb, so there was no chance in hell I was going to sleep. But, that’s not stopping me from going out there later tonight and doing what I do best. I just feel sorry for Saint and Kid Cactus, because tonight, I put an end to the Legacy of Kid Cactus, and kill the little bit of pride that Michael Saint has left.
*Jeff arrogantly smiles and walks past Gladiator *
REV: Good old Michael Saint. Thanks for giving us your office, parking space....... JOB!. Does it feel weird coming back to Rampage and not calling the shots for once?
SAINT: To say the least Rev. It feels good to be in a ring again. This is by no mean a long term thing for me. Cynthia and Kryptochild are on their way, but I got a surprise for you. A present of sorts.
(The two men walk to the trunk of Saint's limo and open it revealing Travis Malloy)
SAINT: An early Easter present from me to you.
TRAVIS: He locked me in a trunk Rev!
REV: We both know this isn't the first time it's happened and it won't be the last. Now carry Mr. Saint's bags in or you won't get your $5.00 an hour!
TRAVIS: But Rev, minimum wage is up to $7.25......
REV: Do as I say!
Travis obeys. Gladiator turns to Kid Cactus.
GLADIATOR: Well, well, well. Kid Cactus. The only one of you to win a World Title in both SWA and EWC. Also the only one of you to try and seize control of our show behind our backs. I've got my eye on you. Don't try anything funny.
KC: Hey, Gladiator. That was 10 years ago. I've matured since then. I'm not the man who would just randomly scam you anymore...
***At this point, hookers...midgets...movie stars...Veitnam Vets in full uniform...random drunks...and etc are crawling out of the limo Kid Cactus came in.***
KC: BTW, thanks for the good time today. I know I didn't ask for much in the contract, but I'm sure you guys would feel awlful if I hadn't placed it ALL on Rampage's tab.
***KC pats Gladiator on the back and walks in.***
GLADIATOR: I guess it's back to using Mac's Visa.
____________________________________
ARQUETTE: The big boys have arrived.
CAAN: It's amazing that after all these years these three are finally stepping into the ring together. All that time in SWA, and all that time in EWC, the closest any of these hall of famers have come to facing each other was a Hurricane Jeff vs Kid Cactus match from SWA years ago.
ARQUETTE: Saint and Jeff ran competing brands in the original Brawl vs Rampage run.
CAAN: And not mention Saint took over from Kid Cactus as Vice President of EWC.
ARQUETTE: I don't think you'll find three better resumes in this business.
CAAN: We do have another match featuring SWA alumni before the main event.
ARQUETTE: And it'll be destructive, I can guarantee that. Captain Insanity is the most accomplished SWA Extreme Combat Champion ever. Teen Throb had been a staple in SWA for years, although he never won a title. This is his first appearance in EWC, although we have become familiar with his cousin Fletch Baxter.
CAAN: Teen Throb may just seem like your typical wimpy boy band singer, but remember that he had his fair share of hardcore success over the years. An unlikely hardcore success story, that's for sure. He even holds a victory over Michael Saint.
ARQUETTE: But he's been barking up the wrong tree lately. He attacked Captain Insanity before last week's main event. You could say that cost Captain Insanity his chance at that guaranteed Stranglemania title shot.
CAAN: It definitely didn't help his chances.
ARQUETTE: So Captain Insanity not only wants revenge for that sneak attack, but also to prove he's the greatest hardcore legend, not only in SWA's history, but in any fed. Teen Throb wants to challenge that claim. This is about to get bloody. No lions, no tigers, no bears. Just pure old fashioned extreme combat.
Attention in the arena turns to the entrance. Joe Aiello starts walking down the aisle like a zombie.
CAAN: Hey, what's Joe Aiello doing here?
ARQUETTE: Maybe he's coming to join us at the broadcast table.
Joe walks right in front of the broadcast table. He stares at David Arquette who has a goofy grin on his face. Joe reaches into his pocket and pulls out a gun and points it at Arquette.
ARQUETTE: He's got a gun!
Joe shoots the gun and Arquette gets hit with a tranquilizer dart. Arquettte collapses to the ground. Joe sits down at the broadcast table and puts his headphones on. A man in a trenchcoat and sunglasses sitting in the front row stands up. He clubs Scott Caan over the head with a lead pipe and Caan falls to the ground. This man is none other than Skippy Mohophosite. He removes the sunglasses and takes a seat next to Joe. EMT's take away Arquette and Caan and Joe comes out of his trance. He looks at Skippy and his eyes bug out.
AIELLO: What, how did I get here?
SKIPPY: It's the SWA tribute show. You didn't think we'd do it without you did you?
AIELLO: I am so out of here.
SKIPPY: I wouldn't do that if I were you Joe. I should warn you, Rev and Gladiator have had your chair wired with C4. Should you attempt to leave, they will blow you sky high.
AIELLO: Oh no! Not again.
EXTREME COMBAT RULES
Captain Insanity -vs- Teen Throb
Captain Insanity -vs- Teen Throb
The lights dim a little as “Down and Out” by Tantric starts to play. Captain Insanity steps out from behind the curtain. He pauses briefly, looking around before casually walking to the ring.
He only gets half way down to the aisle before Captain Insanity is hit in the face by a half full cup of coke. He turns to the fans seated near the aisle to find out which idiot threw the drink at him. A couple of nervous Africans shrug their shoulders denying they had anything to do with it. Sticking out like a slice of white meat on a whole wheat sandwich is a gentleman who looks a lot like Teen Throb, but with a fake mustache. Captain Insanity literally does a double take. The guy that looks like Teen Throb with a fake mustache pulls out an electric cattleprod, reaches through the barricade and jabs Captain Insanity in the gut with it. The man rips off the fake mustache to reveal...............
AIELLO: I can't believe it! It really is Teen Throb! What a disguise!
Captain Insanity shakes violently from the shock and Teen Throb leaps over the barricade. He grabs Insanity and DDTs him onto the hard aisle concrete. Teen Throb takes the cattleprod and jabs Insanity with it several more times. He tosses the cattleprod aside and picks Insanity up. Teen Throb whips Insanity against the barricade and clotheslines him right over it. Insanity lands in the crowd. Teen Throb climbs back into the crowd and folds up the chair he was sitting on. He clobbers Insanity over the skull with the chair, laying him out cold. Teen Throb goes for a cover. The fans count ONE, TWO, THREE......... but there's no referee present.
AIELLO Where's a ref when you need one?
SKIPPY: Can you blame him for being unprepared? We didn't even finish the entrances yet.
Teen Throb gets tired of waiting for a count. He stands up and looks around for a referee. A couple of the audience members get in Teen Throb's face mocking him. Teen Throb starts to get angry. What he doesn't notice is a fan in an aisle seat reached under the barricade and grabs the cattle prod Teen Throb threw away. The fans starts passing it from one person to the next until it gets to the guy standing face to face with Teen Throb. Teen Throb doesn't see the cattleprod, but he raises his fist and gets ready to punch the fan. The cattle prod is stuck right in Teen Throb's gut. He shakes as the electricity courses through his veins. Teen Throb's eyes roll out of his head and he collapses. The fans all laugh[/color]
AIELLO: Not to downplay this nightmare of once again being stuck in this position with C4 wired to my chair, but there's something gratifying about seeing Teen Throb being electrocuted again.
SKIPPY: Those were the daaaaaays!
Captain Insanity and Teen Throb are both out cold. The crazy fans start having some fun with their unconscious bodies. They take turns dropping elbows and leg drops on both Teen Throb and Captain Insanity.
AIELLO: I saw a lot of weird things over the years, but this may be the first mass beating I've witnessed at the hands of the fans in attendance.
The fans now have picked Captain Insanity and Teen Throb up. They hoist them over head and start carrying them across the floor seats, passing them from row to row like it was a mosh pit. Captain Insanity starts to come around. He squints his eyes as he regains full consciousness, and looks shocked when he realizes the fans are passing him around. Insanity delivers a boot to one fans face and elbows another in the face. The fans drop him. A couple of rowdy fans try to fight back, but Captain Insanity lays them out with a series of rights and lefts. Most fans start to back off. Captain Insanity is now in pursuit of Teen Throb, who is quickly being carried all the way to the back of the floor seats.
AIELLO: He's losing Teen Throb fast.
Insanity pushes past the fans and finally catches up with Teen Throb at the back row of the floor seats. He grabs Teen Throb from the rest of the fans and holds him over his head. He delivers an Outsiders Edge, dropping Teen Throb's skull right on the concrete floor. Insanity goes for a cover.
1...
2...
Kickout by Teen Throb! Insanity picks Teen Throb back up and whips him through a door. Teen Throb flies through the door and is now out in the lobby. Cameras follow the action. Captain Insanity charges through the door and lays Teen Throb out with a Cross Body Block. He goes for another cover. The ref races to get in position.
1...
2...
Another kickout. Insanity picks Teen Throb up and holds him over his shoulders in a Powerbomb position. Insanity runs forward and Powerbombs Teen Throb straight through the merchandise stand. T-shirts fly all over. Insanity picks through the scattered items. He finds Teen Throb's bands CD. Insanity picks Teen Throb up, holds the CD over Teen Throb's face and punches the case right into him. The case breaks and Teen Throb goes down. Insanity opens the cracked case and finds the CD inside. He take sit out, snaps the CD in half, leaving a jagged edge. He waits for Teen Throb to get back up. Teen Throb is on his feet and Insanity swipes at him with the broken CD like it's a knife. Teen Throb dodges. Insanity swipes again and cuts through Teen Throb's shirt, but misses the skin. Insanity swipes one more time and slashes across Teen Throb's face. A 2 inch cut forms on his left cheek.
AIELLO: He just drew blood! Teen Throb's been bragging all week that he doesn't have a scar or mark on him. Captain Insanity promised he'd scar him badly. Teen Throb better hope he heals well. His female fan base won't be too pleased with a scarred face.
SKIPPY: The irony is Teen Throb was scarred by a broken fragment of his own CD. I don't see what the big deal is about Teen Throb. I get more girls than he does.
AIELLO: Yes, but he doesn't pay for them.
Teen Throb touches his face and wipes the blood. He sees the blood and loses it. He grabs Captain Insanity and Back Body Drops him over the merchadise stand. Insanity lands next to the drink machine. Teen Throb jumps on top of the stand and twist in the air, landing a Corkscrew splash. He has Insanity covered.
1...
2...
Insanity kicks out. Teen Throb grabs Insanity by the head and sticks his head into the opening of the drink machine where the drinks come out. He pushes Insanity's head in tight enough that Insanity is struggling to pull his head free. Teen Throb jumps and grabs the top of the drink machine. He pulls himself up and stands on top of the machine. As Insanity struggles to free his head Teen Throb breaks into a dance on top of the machine. He rocks the machine back and forth and tips it forward. Teen Throb rides the machine forward as it falls right on top of Captain Insanity's body.
AIELLO: Captain Insanity's head was still stuck in that machine as it fell on top of him! His neck could be broken after that!
Teen Throb grunts as he rolls the machine off of Insanity. He pulls Insanity's head free of the machine slot. Canned drinks pour out. Insanity is crawling like a snail across the arena lobby. He's headed for the front doors. Insanity is clearly having trouble keeping his head up. Teen Throb picks up a Sprite from off the floor. He pops the can and it fizzes over. Teen Throb takes a couple of sips as he makes his way toward a crawling Captain Insanity. He steps on Insanity's leg to prevent him from crawling out the front doors of the arena. He takes a sip of the Sprite and picks Insanity up. Teen Throb spits the mouthful of Sprite right into Insanity's eyes. Insanity stumbles towards the front doors and Teen Throb nails him with a Superkick. Insanity falls right through the glass doors. The glass shatters and Insanity tumbles to the outside.
SKIPPY: Looks like Teen Throb has drawn blood now too. We're even here.
Teen Throb makes ready to head out the doors after Insanity. He bumps into someone walking in the front doors. It's Michael Saint. Teen Throb stops in his tracks and stares Saint down.
SAINT: Hey, I remember you.
Saint knees Teen Throb in the groin. Teen Throb doubles over in pain. Saint locks him up and Suplexes Teen Throb straight through one of the other glass doors. Teen Throb lays in a pile of shattered glass right next to Captain Insanity.
AIELLO: What did Michael Saint do that for?
SKIPPY: Have you forgotten already? The very first feud Michael Saint ever had in this business was against Teen Throb in SWA.
AIELLO: That's right. I guess that feud was never settled. Now both Insanity and Teen Throb are out cold. It's all a matter of who gets up first.
Over a minute passes and neither man moves. It's Captain Insanity who comes around first. He looks over and sees Teen Throb laid out right next to him. Insanity rolls over, picks a few pieces of glass out of his body and covers Teen Throb.
1...
2...
Teen Throb gets his shoulder up. Insanity struggles to stand up. As he raises to his hands and knees the broken glass embeds itself in his palms. Insanity finally stands up. He picks the pieces of glass out of his bloody hands and stands over Teen Throb. Insanity picks him up weakly as he has very little strength left. He drags Teen Throb out to the parking lot. He stops at a parked Sunfire. Insanity picks Teen Throb up and throws him onto the roof of the car.
AIELLO: Hold on a second..... that's my car! Get away from there! Shoo!
SKIPPY: Hahahahaha!
Insanity climbs up on top and locks up with Teen Throb. He executes a Brainbuster, driving Teen Throb's head into the roof of the car, denting it in the process. Insanity rolls on top of Teen Throb. The ref counts.
1...
2...
Kickout! Insanity slowly picks Teen Throb. They stand on the Sunfire roof and Insanity tosses Teen Throb off with a Gut Wrench Suplex. Teen Throb falls down to the pavement. Insanity lowers himself off the roof. He opens the drivers side door and places Teen Throb's head in the door.
SKIPPY: Did you leave your car unlocked?
AIELLO: Oh no.
Insanity slams the door on Teen Throb's head with all his might. Teen Throb's body jolts upon impact. Insanity throws Teen Throb to the ground and covers again.
1...
2...
Teen Throb's shoulder is up! Insanity is now moving faster as the adrenaline kicks in. He drags Teen Throb over to the front of Aiello's Sunfire. He pops the hood. Insanity places Teen Throb's head under the hood and closes it gently. Insanity climbs back to the roof. He jumps off and lands right on the hood, crushing Teen Throb's head under the hood. Insanity throws Teen Throb to the ground. Another cover.
1...
2...
Kickout! Captain Insanity is getting frustrated. He picks Teen Throb up and moves him to the back of the car. Insanity opens the drivers door and pops the back trunk. He goes to the back and tries to place Teen Throb's head in the trunk, but Teen Throb elbows him in the midsection. He quickly grabs the back of Insanity's head and delivers a Diamond Cutter. Teen Throb grabs Insanity and dumps him into the trunk. Insanity tries to climb out but Teen Throb slams the trunk shut before he can escape. Teen Throb limps to the front seat and looks around.
SKIPPY: You didn't leave the keys in there, did you?
AIELLO: Oh no.
Teen Throb finds the keys in the ignition and starts the engine. He puts the Sunfire in reverse and floors it. The Sunfire speeds backwards through the parking lot and crashes into the side of the arena. The back bumper falls off and the enbtire back ends seems to have caved in. Teen Throb kills the engine and pops the trunk. It doesn't come up on it's own. Teen Throb moves to the back of the car and pries it open with his fingers. Captain Insanity is out cold in the trunk. His body all out of shape. Teen Throb pulls him out and lays him on his back. He goes for the cover.
1...
2...
3!!!
Winner: Teen Throb
AIELLO: My car!
SKIPPY: Pretty boy deals a very painful loss to Captain Insanity.
AIELLO: My car!
SKIPPY: That's a real upset.
AIELLO: It was a rental! I'm gonna lose my deposit!
SKIPPY: Get over it.
AIELLO: I'll never forgive Rev and Gladiator for this one.
SKIPPY: I don't think they care. It's over and done with. We have a lot of show to get to.
AIELLO: I guess so. And now I'm receiving word that we have a very special guest here tonight. He's a former HCW Champion, and one of the most controversial and feared competitors in EWC history. Fulfilling our standard One Black Guy Per Show in Africa quota, ladies and gentlemen, we welcome back Kid Cannabis!!!
______________________
The crowd's in a frenzy as intrepid EWC interviewer Ace Heart is standing in the ring with former HCW World Heavyweight Champion Kid Cannabis.
Folks, it's officially and honor and a joy to have the one and only Kid Cannabis back in a Rampage ring after such a long abscence!
The Angolan crowd goes even more bananas, and Cannabis pumps his fist in the air, showing his respect to the African crowd.
It's good to be back home, Ace. What's crackin' with you? How's the wife doing, partna?
Good, good. I was kind of in the doghouse over that thing at the clinic. Man, good thing it was just a little bump, if it'd had been herpes, I'd be.....
Ace has to stop and check himself while Can laughs and pats him on the back.
*Ahem*
Anyways...
Last week, your reappearance has caused quite a stir, especially with your old HCW rivals, Gladiator and Pence. You're not scheduled to return to action until next week, yet, here you are. Tell the world, Can, what brings you out here tonight?
It's a simple as ABC, Ace, my melo....
I got this muthafuckin' letter the other day, courtesy of our mammary having, Glen Beck loving, vagina having conservative cow of a....
*Can breaks out the air quotes*
"Boss" of Rampage, old double D's himself, Gladiator, letting me know he's the head cracka in charge by setting a few rules....
EWC's "High" flyer supreme makes a face like Rosie O'Donnell farted in front of him at a movie theater as he reads the official document.
No weed smoking or sex with ring rats at Rampage venues.
No cussing or gratuitous use of the "n" word on Rampage television.
Can't start a promo or a match without facing east and praying to Ronald Reagan.
No mention of Gladiator's manmaries, Rev's crippling addiction to the movie "Jumper" or his collection of boogers from junior high school, or that Skippy last week got busted at the airport in Johanasberg dressed like the sailor from the Village People trying to sell bootleg Cialis pills and powdered tiger penis extract to tourists.....
And any and all infractions would result in severe administrative punishment....
*looks up and smirks while he pulls out an ounce of Angolian dank*
You know what I gotta say about that bullshit, Funbags?
He rolls the dank up with the letterhead and smokes that bad boy!
Y'all power tripping, boner pill smuggling, dumbass niggas have lost your rabid ass minds!
You think I'm gonna let your cracka asses maddog me in the motherland? I'm Kid Cannabis, bitch!
The moment I came back to this piece, the Brinks trucks started backing up in Mac's driveway to drop money off like the friggin' mail The minute this cat came back down that entry ramp, I lit a fire under the inudstry's ass it ain't seen in a long time.
Even our favorite kid in the football helmet Pence came up and tried to tighten up like his little nutts finally dropped because he knows his days of coasting are over.
More cheers as Ace changes the subject.
Speaking of Pence, it seems like the old feud is finally back on....
Oh, trust me, hearing him pop off after he rode my sack in this ring a few days ago reminded me that muthafucka needs to get his ass whooped worse than Ebon trying to solve a Sudoku puzzle.
I could go off on that cat all day, but right now, I'm proposing a cease fire. Because as much as I hate to admit....
We both got a mutually bigger problem.
Sedition's running around like they're ten foot tall and bulletproof, and in case they forgot, I made a name going upside their heads every time I smelled them in that ring.
So, Pence, I propose this, brother....
Next week, right here, in this ring.....
MY RING!
You and me put aside our beef for a minute to slaughter a cow and his punk ass boy and show these cornballs they ain't in charge of shit except barely their bowel movements!
This bombshell proposal has the audience and Ace hyped up.
Are you serious, Can?
*puff puff* Serious as a parole violation, Acey.
I'm willing to put my ego and my hatred for this Obi Wan Kenobi looking dipshit long enough so we can both put the boots to a couple nimrods we both can't stand.
So what say you, Pence?
You man enough to go through with this?
The world's waiting, my man. What's it gonna be?
Cannabis stops and glares down the enterance ramp, waiting for a response. The scene switches to backstage where Pence is staring intently at the television, dressed in his in-ring attire: a black vest and a pair of black and blue pants, he is rubbing the stubble of his beard, and then with a shake of his head walks off camera. Cannabis, Ace, and the fans don't have to wait long as "Find The Real" by Alter Bridge hits the PA and the fans get to their feet and give Pence a standing ovation as he comes through a blanket of pyrotechnics that come from the top of the entrance ramp. Pence looks around at the fans for a second and then nods his head. A technician runs over to him and hands him a microphone as Pence snatches it out of his hand and begins to make his way down to the ring slowly, slapping hands with fans, and posing for pictures. Pence finally gets to the outside apron and looks at Cannabis, testing the waters before making his move, and finally he gets inside of the ring. Pence brushes passed Cannabis and head to the other side of the ring, he gets on to the ropes, and raises his index finger to the sky, the fans cheer, and Pence gets off the ropes, and turns to look at Cannabis and Ace. He doesn't say anything for a moment and as "Find the Real" dies out, Pence lets the fans chant "Mr. Main Event" and "KC" as much as they want. Finally Pence puts the microphone to his lips.
So you want to team with Mr. Main Event, you want to beat Sedition side by side with me in the ring that Pence established?
The fans cheer as Pence smiles widely and begins to pace, stroking his beard some more.
Personally, you and me...are not the buddy buddy type, at least not to each other. Me and you will always be at each other's throats, that is about as inevitable as Gladiator shoving a twinkie into his fat face. But if there is one thing I can't stand...it is the Sedition running this show like its own personal one ring circus. And I'm sure these fans don't like it either!
The fans chant "Hell No!" as Pence stops pacing and comes face to face with Cannabis.
But before I go ahead and say yes or no...I would like to hear what these fans have to say...do they want to see me and Cannabis bitch slap Gladiator and Rev like the pansy ass bitches that they are?
Pence and Ace look around at the fans as a unanimous sound of "Hell Yes!" and a bombardment of cheers can be heard all around the arena.
It sounds like they want you to team up...
Of course they do! Because they know when Pence and Cannabis team up there is no way in hell that we can lose! And since they want this match so bad...
Pence extends a hand to Cannabis, awkwardly of course because he doesn't know whether he should do this or not. The fans erupt into cheers as Cannabis gives him a high five of sorts. Pence shakes his head and then speaks up again.
Then it is settled...Pence and Kid Cannabis vs. Sedition without a doubt is one hundred fucking percent real. So get ready Sedition because we are....
The Theme from Patton begins to play. The crowd begins to boo. Gladiator appears on the ramp. He raises a mic.
Ladies, ladies, ladies. I haven't seen such sickening crowd pleasing since JFK. I think I'm about to lose the jelly donuts I just ate. I just couldn't bear it any longer. Cannabis, you are in clear violation of Friday Night Rampage's Rule #32. No drugs on televised events. Pence, you are in violation of Rule #2. No being a crowd pleasing, boyscout, douche.
The fans boo.
And, you both are in violation of rule #1. No speaking against your Lords, and Masters of The Sedition. Your punishment will be as follows. Cannabis, for the violation of rule #32 you will be docked 2 weeks of pay. Pence, for violation of rule #2, you will write the line, I am a giant douchebag 1000 times on the blackboard. As for the punishment for the two of you violating rule #1, your punishment will be, The Sedition accepting your challenge. Next week, in the very ring that you stand, the two of you will receive the ultimate punishment by being embarassed by the greatest superstars to ever grace an EWC ring, The Rev and Gladiator. The match will be fought under Sedition rules, no holds barred.
The crowd cheers and Pence and Cannabis smile.
Until then, Cannabis mind your tongue and your manners, and Pence mind your douchebaggery. Next week, you two will see why we are the legends we are.
The Theme From Patton plays, and Gladiator leaves the stage. Ace Heart looks very excited.
There you have it fans. Huge match for next week. Kid Cannabis and Pence Weatherlight taking on The Sedition. I for one can't wait.
Pence and Cannabis stare each other down. They give each other a nod and both exit.
_______________________
AIELLO: A huge announcement there. Rev and Gladiator return to action for the first time since...... last month I think.; Kid Cannabis makes his return to the ring next week, and of all people he teams up with Pence Weatherlight? Who would've seen that one coming?
SKIPPY: Back in the days of HCW, Gladiator, Kid Can and Pence had a long running feud over the HCW Championship. I can see them fighting, but definitely can't see Kid Cannabis and Pence teaming up together.
AIELLO: Well I applaud them. Someone has to stand up to The Sedition. I can't wait to see Kid Cannabis and Pence school them. The Sedition have been screwing everything up here on Rampage. They must be stopped.
SKIPPY: Speaking of screwing things up on Rampage, the one and only Moses Lake is moments away from returning to the ring!
AIELLO: Oh yeah. His record breaking salary has nearly bankrupted Rampage. The entire roster hates his guts. French Montana was the first one to call him out, and after weeks of hiding behind his personal masseuses and contract clauses, Moses Lake is finally making a brave return to the ring.
SKIPPY: Time to see what $13,000,009.16 buys you.
AIELLO: I don't think either of these guys have faced a challenge like this before. Listen carefully fans, this is no typo. The following match is a ….......... (clears throat) ............. Scaffold Above a Ring Littered With Rusty Nails Match
SKIPPY: What, you've never seen one of those before?
AIELLO: Can't say I have.
SKIPPY: Well the rules are simple. You see, they start by scattering rusty nails all over the mat.
AIELLO: I think the name speaks for itself. I'm not sure I really want to watch this. You know Moses Lake's salary has caused budget cuts. If the tetanus shot expense has been cut, Moses is going to be sorry he signed a contract for as much as he did.
SKIPPY: Don't even think about leaving, Joe. In case you somehow bypassed the bomb wired with C4 under your chair, Gladiator and Rev gave me this handgun to keep you in line,. It's loaded and everything. Care to take a look?
AIELLO: Stop pointing that thing in my face! Let's just get the match over with.
